I'm just a sissy gurl trying to find their way

You saw that direction pole in the public park near the side walk with loads of arrows on it, well I'm the boy it just confused cos it seemed to have so many different directions each going off at a tangent.

And that's how my life's kinda been from early childhood seeing the signs following them but never really ending up with any clear cut ideas about who I was and more to the point which direction I was headed.

I'd think I had a plan and then find something would throw me off track like wanting to go to University but fluffing up on my qualifications because I had a nervous breakdown and then being told you'll just have to be factory worker instead as if that would interest me.

Cos the thing is I'm so interested things I want to know all about them and that whole turn out 500 of the same thing day in day out wasn't gonna do it for me OR the possibilities would be so large I couldn't make my mind up and end up all paralyzed mentally from it so nothing happened.

I'm getting better in my years at making things happen but I'm no natural.

Football reminiscences

 

Cool November mornings tend to bring back memories of our football sessions not just the informal kickabouts but the structured football matches we played in juniors against others where typically two or three year groups would combine to form two teams of eleven each with substitutes.

Back then girls just NEVER played football where mixed teams are common today but a boy who say rubbish at cricket could not play netball with the girls.

That's progress for you.

The smell of damp earthy soil and feel of mud on your socks and legs are ingrained in my memory.

I am a sissy gurl

 It may sound the stupidest thing around but really that's what I feel and wish for because I've had these sissy gurl feelings for ages even with the idea of seeing females as superiors over me.

Cos it's 2009, it's easier to explore these things, no more underground magazines, no more phonelines like it was in 1987 when I used to ring them and wonder why my parents blow their tops on £12 "premium line" numbers wondering just who clocked up such bills  or using payphones to hear such things I can just search online and sort between the kind of more less overly sexual sissy spots and the others that don't do it for me.

The other thing is you just don't realize how many others have the same ideas, fantasies, notions of what to be a gender apart really exists.

It all just confirms what I am: a Sissy Gurl.

A busy week for Tammy

The remembrance day parade is a big thing with me all turned out in your uniform looking very smart making your way to the service.

Tammy like most of hur peers belonged in Brownies even if in the reality of those times most I spent my time around were in Cubs.

Outside of that the other big thing is Halloween which a great thing for gurls as we can be more "out" where sadly it isn't always possible to be as people are more focused on your outfit rather than exactly why you may be wearing it and I prefer being more obviously girlie.

Then there's Guy Fawkes night with bonfires, fireworks displays and sparklers you can wave around making funny shapes or spelling names with.