Being a Brownie at heart

It's been an odd year, lots of different things happening, being with new people for a day, sometimes more while I also do explore a bit more around where I am in the way I used to enjoy so much.

Scouting has always had an inner conflicted thing with me in that while as a feminine gurl but raised as a boy I am unlike some quite at one with being biologically male however the execution of that especially in the era I was brought was problematic.

Some parts of the whole back story to Guiding and from that Brownies sit easier with me, in general I like wearing dresses which just isn't an option in Cubs but I have no desire to be a girl.

It's like I'm a Cub-Brownie.

I can get by in the grey shorts they wore back then and they have their plus points for hiking but being restricted to that doesn't really fit as I want that tunic.

The whole ethos of Scouting is very much me though and I'm happy to socialize with boys, although I am a gurl and back then that was a problem.

Living more in accordance with that and the Law and Brownie promise is something I just feel called to.

Easter

Well spring continues onward toward Bunny Time which brings back strong memories of childhood so it's no surprise in my world what matters outside of the Spiritual side of Easter.

England's finest chocolate people strike again with this pretty decorated Egg which you might of thought was it except this also came:

Yes it's that cat again in her own exclusive design so you can tell I love Hello Kitty although I really really wasn't expecting it so thank you to the person who knows who they are for it as it's mooch appreciated.
I don't eat loads of chocolate but i just adore Easter Eggs and I feel small doing so.

Happy Easter folks!

Recapitation

Something like a recapitation of what has been learned so far in that while some people may feel is strong sense of disconnect from how they may see their social identity and how that is viewed all that can be changed is the outward appearance at cost not just financial but in terms of damage to your own heath.

Gender realignment surgery as it's called has substantial health risks   and does not change your actual sex leaving you internally a mismatch of female parts such as breasts but prostrates, no ovaries and womb.

A few people may need that but many are more conflicted about gender roles and expectations which are a lot different than your sex and working on them may make more sense.

Not a few people who are "little" who do think in terms of passing as another gender don't actually want to be an adult of it and really while at some event consideration should be given for that role in social gatherings, in everyday life they really are not that sex and no alterations are needed.

A man who presents as a girl in his spare time is a man ultimately.

For me what some misread as dysphoria was actually the painful feelings I had about being on the inside developmentally  a much younger person and how because of my age and how I presented that clashed.

That was something that could be addressed without to much difficulty if in effect we took the decision to return me to childhood with the protections of grown ups.

Going along with other peoples ideas around regression cos it was all that was on offer doesn't make sense because really I know and do clearly identify as a sissy gurl being neither a girl or boy by gender so regression for me is LSG (Little Sissy Gurl) even if I need spaces in to let my masculine side out as my gender fluidity requires it.

 

The nature of that is you do have the development of  at least an adolescent.

Elton John: Rocket Man II

The last time I looked at this topic was December last and since then I have acquired a few more "new to me discs" originally issued in the late 80's, early 90's by specialty label Mobile Fidelity (MFSL).

We'll kick off with 1971's Madman Across The Water recorded at Trident studios, London which I never previously owned on cd, the home of Levon (a track on the MCA version of Greatest Hits Vol:2) and Tiny Dancer both which good examples of the longer, more laid back style he had then.  

It was the first album Elton only played piano on and not another keyboard instruments.

This, very much Elton's first attempt at a Wild West feel concept album recorded at Trident, doesn't possess a single record hit but features such songs as "Talking Old Soldiers" which does get close to capturing the sense of comradeship people who fought in the forces have and the haunting Where To Now St. Peter.  Country Comfort was lifted off as a 45 release but failed to chart.

Issued on October 1970 it's album I've always had a lot of time for and this sound much smoother than my older MCA cd from the late 80's.

This one 1972's Honky Cháteau named after 18th century French chateau it was recorded in , is more well known being the home of Rocket Man and Honky Cat as well as I Think  Going To Kill Myself which I remember him sing at the Rossayna Hall  (sp?) in the then USSR around the late 70's as well as Hercules, the album closer.

This sounds much better than the 80's MCA cd.

Much to my pleasant surprise, actually these gold discs weren't as expensive as I had expected something no doubt to with the state of the economy and some sellers preparedness to price to sell rather than the three figure madness previously seen on Ebay.

Finally back to regular issues that just happen to sound great and this, the 1985 West German DJM cd version of the 1973 album Don't Shoot Me... , home of so many fine songs  such as as Crocodile Rock, Elderberry Wine and Daniel which while not quite making up to the standard of a specialty gold remaster, nevertheless is very close sound much smoother on Daniel than either the MCA U.S. edition and much less processed compared to the 1995 "The Classic years" remaster.

Past into present

 It's been a long time since I started it being an unashamedly littles blog even if bits may have come from other accounts elsewhere talking very much about what interests me as well as my life as one and part of the reason for this was to help explain what it's about and to encourage others in accepting this part of them.

When you can, you feel more at ease being who you really are regardless of what gender background (if any) you may have because the funny thing is every adult (a groan up) has a childhood base that the other areas of your life are built on so if you don't feel at ease with your younger side to the point perhaps of denying it, then quite often it trips you up. 

If you are transgendered, the whole identification issue can lead to a situation where your past childhood gender is effectively discarded as if you land as the man or woman you are without those bonds that those assigned at birth have and importantly drawn from

It is common place in today's society for example for woman to hold on to the interests and passions of their girlhood without any question to their abilities in the world of work. Is that a bad thing?

Many of best creative ideas it seems to me come from that childlike state of mind (is it no accident so many in the creative industries are like that), prepared to think out of the box, drawing inspiration from their pasts?

What you may do with this childlike side is very much your own affair but it may involve wearing more girlish  styles of clothes (and what options we have!), possibly some kind of play or the rediscovery of pastimes you really enjoyed such as sports or arts/craft work.

The one thing I have learned thinking last night while together with a group of littles was the sense of personal  innerpeace I've found since, the feeling free to express my real feeling and emotions by simply being me rather than a reduced down 'groan up' version that simply left me sad. And to be with others, contributing and sharing in that fun.

Who wouldn't want to rest in frills?