Thoughts for Winter

 

This time of year has this habit of reminding me of what I always was and am unable to do such as ice skating cos I am unstable on me feet, not that I hold anything against those that can as after all there are things I can do that others cannot.

A bit of it is undeniably the whole feel as you twirl around in skaters dress so elegantly as I live the feel of twirling dresses and skirts, given my gender past that's hardly surprising as what we had to wear never gave you anything comparable although shorts are better than dresses for serious hiking which I did enjoy a lot growing up.

Why shouldn't I be dressed in pretty skirts that look fantastic when I twirl with some nice tights on?

Emulating a younger mode of dress is very appropriate for a little sissy gurl like me and a warm long sleeved top makes since in the winter months.

The Dorm and I

It's true I have a somewhat relaxed approach when it comes to some daily routines compared to others and this might be connected with being more child-like.

To me the Dorm is central because for a good period of my school life that was my "Home base" where I did my homework and slept under the rules of the school and the house master enforcing them.

To a very large extent I learned to live by somebody else's rules, finding the spaces that gave me liberty between them with the dorm being inspected.

Given some of the stuff at home at that time I felt very secure and safe in what today some might see as a rather austere regimented system.

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Back then there was little chance of living as the sissy I was in school dressed as I preferred although girls did when we could get away with it dress me up in uniform and practise make up and perfume so I am glad some things are starting to change for today's youngsters.

The Beatles Capitol Albums sets

I remember when I first got this as it was a Christmas present in 2004 from my folks.
Capitol Albums Volume One was a box set containing four original US albums complete with a booklet and were given first class mastering by Ted Jensen. Each disc contains the stereo and mono version of each album in individual cardboard sleeves.

Meet the albums:

Meet The Beatles!


The Beatles' Second Album


Something New


Beatles '65.

Link: Amazon.com: The Capitol Albums Vol. 1: Music: The Beatles

Meet The Beatles is With (or for Canadians Beatlemania with...) The Beatles for Americans featuring All My Loving, I Wanna Be Your Man and I Want To Hold Your Hand.
Second Album features the only instance of Thank You Girl in stereo and exclusive US stereo mixes of I Call Your Name and Long Tall Sally.
Something New features many of the songs from the UK album A Hard Day's Night but for contractual reasons at the time does not include A Hard Day's Night and Can't Buy Me Love that can be found in stereo on the 1962-1966 (Red) compilation.
Beatles '65 can be regarded in many ways as the Beatles For Sale album for North Americans taking in I'm A Loser, Honey Don't, I'll Follow The Sun and I Feel Fine.

Until the recent remasters this was the only means of getting the earlier material in Stereo and it is hard to beat the two volumes of the box set, The Capitol Albums Volumes One and Two for the spread. Even now following the UK series of remasters (9/2009) the sets hold up for the different recorded versions and indeed some even feel the transfer of the program on A Hard Day's Night (stereo) isn't quite as good as Something New.

Fast forward to the Spring of 2006 and Volume Two came out containing these albums:

Beatles VI


Help! Original Motion Picture Soundtrack


The Early Beatles


Rubber Soul:

Amazon.com: The Capitol Albums Vol. 2 (Longbox): Music: The Beatles

Starting with The Early Years, this comprises of 11 of the 14 tracks from the UK Please Please Me album some tracks such as Twist and Shout were rebalanced compared to the UK versions.

The track I Saw Her Standing There being the 'B' side of the (US) single I Want To Hold Your Hand is on Meet The Beatles. Misery and There's A Place were not issued on a Capitol album in the US until 1980's Rarities.

Beatles VI is a fine selection draw from the Beatles For Sale and Help sessions taking in the #1 smash 45 Eight Days A Week, Dizzy Miss Lizzie and the Buddy Holly cover Words Of Love.

Help! Is actually the Soundtrack album with the seven film songs plus Ken Thorne's instrumentals featured in the film.

The current UK CD of this title was extensively re-mixed by George Martin OBE and has digital echo as well where this issue is his original 1965 mix which most of us grew up with.

Rubber Soul:

This was the first album issued in the US to bear the same title as it's UK counterpart but is different in that It kicks of with I've Just Seen A Face and also features It's Only Love which came out in the UK on the Help! Album.

The US version has more of a folk-rock feel to it and is actually preferred in some circles to the UK for that.

As with Help the UK current CD was remixed but this goes back to the original mixes and from that point of view is valuable even if you keep your UK CD for Drive My Car, Nowhere Man, What Goes On and If I Needed Someone as they were not issued on the US version.

September returns or Going Back

Tis the time the great going back starts in earnest after seven weeks of the hols as you go through your stuff sorting out what needs to be replaced and your folks, normally your Mum start doing the same with your uniform where you may end up having to try on new trousers.

Thus this time feels just like it did being taken to the shops to get your uniform and school equipment from the days in juniors when I wore short trousers rather like this.

I have been very unwell for a period in connection with my role in a local authority for a period now and I have what is called 'Leave of absence' which means I need not attend any meetings although I will be kept up to date with anything important which given my role is  the next most important after the Clerk obviously does matter.

Put very simply I am going through a nervous breakdown, throwing things, walking pensively for ages ready to explode or bursting in tears crying for ages not just at home but at work who are trying to help me. I simply cannot cope with what I have been left to do, working all hours even losing part of my vacation to council business doing things others want but won't do themselves.

I feel I have hit the end of the road at least in so far as anything beyond work and family responsibility goes and more over it seems to me at least this attempt at trying to be more of a public grown up figure when in all honesty I'm more childlike.

Back then I knew very much who I was, what I was to do with support which to be frank I don't get anymore although I need it and there was a clear cut break between school time and free time.

While talking by email with the clerk, I decided to take a step backwards from now on and outside of work I'm going draw up a timetable like I had at school and ensure time outside of it won't be spent chained to the telephone and computer.

I have also decided to put together a school type uniform to wear with a grey junior skirt option when I'm not working, being at home as the kind of structure, routines and discipline of that era is what I badly need and this with more support from my folks is what I do need.

I just cannot cope with full on adult life.