It is easy to get into a mindset of thinking about those things in your life that may not be going so well or even into comparing how you are doing compared to others but that's a habit which so easily leads to you beating yourself up.
Like for instance we may only know of what another person really is doing from what it is they've shared with us which may well be selective, missing out any mess ups and only as they feel it is so really those comparisons may not be too accurate.
The other side of this is we may be understating our own abilities, using a very high baseline to judge them by or be so used to perceiving our failure that we automatically feel we have when maybe we've done okay really.
This came to me on Sunday where I had spent this weeks Study Weekend working on a longform part of guide working with a person I hadn't collaborated with before with no indication of the exact format and structure they were working for even.
Let's say the absence of that usually gets me into tailspinning territory as I stare into the blank page on my non microsoft office suite so I type a few headings and eventually find one to start typing to and slowly work may way to the final one.
I review it and send it to the person I am working with with not to say it's not perfect but it's like the best I can do here thinking to myself it's not really good enough, maybe they'll do the electronic equivalent of tearing it up even.
Imagine then you get a message to say although it may need the odd change, they really like it that even they say it's a pleasure to read something so well written, that actually I'd structured it similar to their own section.
Really, Tammy that boarding school feminine boy severely dyslexic actually manages to pull it off when they was feeling like walking the corridors thinking they'd failed!
I think the point here is I grew up so much with the idea I was no good at this that I came to believe it didn't matter what I did or anyone said they could help me, that I couldn't change that outcome.
I changed the outcome cos I actually believed in it enough to do the work using techniques that I had learned and was prepared to spend my time on learning and learning to trust people who were prepared to help me make those changes.
Things have been a bit hectic here for various reasons but birthday was marked of sorts and we did have some presents such as a Beach Boys deluxe edition of their mid 1970's albums with unreleased versions and the like which was great cos they were an early gurlhood like of mine, having many singles and albums.
Things like that go back ages as do things I have around girlguiding like badges, activity books and even the odd period dressed dolly and this gurl loves hur dollies madly.
A few days after going around the sun again things remain the same,eh?
However you attempt to wrap this up, it's all about getting better at being you rather than really getting any older or different really as from the beginning of time people have tended to say by your early years they know what the chronologically older you is going to be.
For me it remains as it always did, a fine tuning here and there but basically the same me with no blinding "now I'm a grown up" moment so Mrs "happyasagrownup" I could never be you even if I tried, it wasn't there and I'm different. I'm happy not being one.
And that is okay really.
Like this is my birthday but it's just as it's always been essentially, routed over decades, very much in the first and a bit so you have the same sorts of things as presents cos that's what you enjoy and I'll add the odd post here and there about some of them cos I like things in some kind or order.
There were some more plushies, pretty lingerie, chocolate and money.
Although there will seperate entries later on I did get a Hall and Oates sacd of album I only have on record, a sacd box set of Violin Concertos and a few classical records.
The latest installment of Now Yearbook presents the '60's: 1963-1964 was a lp present, three discs that show the new sounds coming in that were to change popular music.
Why talk about them? Cos I'm more than any one thing, nay, this whole sissy gurl thing.
There were phone calls and cards obviously but every was as it remains and I'm happy about that.
It's been a while since I last made a post about GirlGuiding which is trying - being the operative word in the Post Cass Report era - to find their way though a desire for inclusivity which takes in those who are or feel they're trans and the constitutional issue of being from when Dame Agnes Baden-Powell set up GirlGuiding of being just for girls (and women) with legal challenges from activisits and some parents.
Anyhow, this is how the "top" of Girl Guides looks in 2026.
Senior Leadership Team (National)
Chief Guide: Tracy Foster (appointed for a 5-year term to champion volunteer and girl experiences).
Deputy Chief Guide: Sally Kettle.
Assistant Chief Guide: Mhairi Mackay.
CEO: Felicity Oswald OBE.
Chair of the Board of Trustees: Denise Wilson OBE.
Patron: Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh.
Ambassadors
These individuals help raise the profile of Girlguiding in the UK:
Anna McNuff: Adventurer and author.
Laura Anderson: Environmental scientist ("Less Waste Laura").
Katie Zelem: Professional footballer.
Ellen Buttrick MBE: Paralympic rower.
Dame Jacqueline Wilson: Author.
Tori James: President of Girlguiding Cymru and adventurer.
Made By Mammas (Zoe Hardman & Georgia Dayton): Podcaster
There many, many others who do help out, former girl guides, those not but with girls that are interested and those in Trefoil Guild which runs along Girlguiding areas for those who were or were not in Guides and still like to go things together as Girlguidling for adults helping out often to.
Trefoil is open to men and women.
Inclusivity isn't just about gender issues as important as they can be but also about ensuring that whatever religion, race or disability there's a space for to shine be it as a guide or as a helper.
Pictured is a former guide and now helper who has Tourette's which has been in the news, she might involuntarily say the word "Chicken" but she's making a difference and that's just what this thing is all about, helping girls be their best selves.
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There are two forms of presenting for me and today we'll take a look at the more traditional one.
Normally I tend to talk more about little forms of presenting being simple to put on by a younger you without lots of straps with adjusters, fastenings and the like but as we get a bit older we may wear fussier things for special occasions even if we may need an older sister or grown up to help with it.
They do help in managing my age dysphoria in making me look more how I am on the inside still a junior child and were not an issue although I do like to wear skirts much of the time getting pretty antsy if I can't.
I can wear them in more feminine ways too if I wish.
The bigger thing in being a adult little gurl is following my interests as that sissy and Tom Boys are just the same in reverse.
A week back to the usual routines and in some ways a look a bit at pasts and past conversations in lots of ways as after all nothing started from nowhere and most of us who've battled with identity know it's never really that straightforward.
For many of us, our girl friends (not girfriends!) are a bitter-sweet bit of our past, the ones we looked up to the ones whose take on being a girl whither you came to the Ts mode or Sissy mode like me we took the model of feminity and expressing in part at least from.
It was a rough start to the week here so I thought we'd look a little about presentation and pose cos it matters in this life.
I just love acres of satin with frills with hose.
You might go with a pair of zip up boots and a mini skirt with leather or denim jacket feeling very ahem "hot".
You might like Sweet Lolita although I'd need help in dressing to really pull that off as much as I just love that whole look.
These days we take our clues from Team Pink and maybe they have ideas about how they'd think we'd best look as sissies.
Recovering from bad cramp having three attempts yesterday to get out of bath after a long really rather indulgent in a good way soak.
There's been a few things going on here in the last week such as a couple of new pieces of equipment in the stereo and the resumption of a monthly magazine whose subscription just seemed to end without any kind of "In a months time your subscription runs out. Please renew to continue" kind of an email at all.
I ended up finding a subscription discount code and renewing by hand.
Seeing last week had it's bitterly code and windy moments I did have to remember to turn the delicates inside out when washing as I had my frilliest lingerie on underneath thick sweat shirts (a pink one) and track pants plus girlie gloves.
There comes a point in your life when beyond raiding the dressing up box or the school spare clothing pile you realize there is more to this than just wanting to wear what girls you know and secretly admire do, you need to go a step more girlie and you want them very much in on it.
It doesn't have to be based around more adult themes which generally we don't go into on this blog but it might be being a uber filly femmed gurl in a play pen to play with while the girls look on and maybe play with the plushies with you.
I am becoming more and more a frilly sissy from top to bottom and learning to enjoy it.
There again you might of wanted a sibling to see you as you felt you were rather than in the identity Mummy and Daddy had in mind for you and you just don't belong in.
They may want to exhibit you but somewhere down the line between the red cheeks you want to be "out", you almost crave that attention.
I just feel a good number of us do even if we may not feel like taking this to the lengths more full on adult sissy takes which is perfectly fine but it seems daft to deny it
Just enjoy being the sissy you are how it takes you
Now it has warmed up a little we'll resume on a series of entries from 2024.
In June 2024 Now launched a sub series VAULTS, which aims to cover minor hits of the sort that tended to pad out our Ronco and K Tel sets as much as we may of preferred some of them to the big hits back in the day and also American Hits which unless someone did a American Hit compilation you didn't get so I'd buy the 45's where available.
Issued Friday 16 January, it follows the broad theme of things that for all the music industry talk didn't trouble the top 30 and american hits that weren't in the UK (and should of been I'd add).
Opening the set on disc 1 we have the era-defining style with ‘The Hanging Garden’ from The Cure, taken from their album ‘Pornography’, and Bauhaus with ‘Spirit’ ahead of the collaboration ‘Bamboo Houses’ from David Sylvian & Ryuichi Sakamoto.
A single in the U.S., ‘Secret Journey’ from The Police comes ahead of ‘Athena’ from The Who, and ‘Valerie’ from Steve Winwood – which would be a bigger hit when remixed five years later and closing the first side a beautiful song – ‘Empty Garden (Hey Hey Johnny)’ from Elton John.
Flipping to side two we have a run of new wave and post-punk gems including from Elvis Costello, The Clash, Theatre Of Hate and Gang Of Four. Melancholic pop from The Teardrop Explodes leads to disc 1's closers from Mike Oldfield, and a classic ‘Tug Of War’ by Paul McCartney from the album of the same name.
Disc 2 kicks off with a run of pure pop: Culture Club’s ‘I’m Afraid Of Me’ was the single before their #1 breakthrough, and is joined by Spandau Ballet, Level 42, Bananarama and Toyah with a re-recording of her 1980 anthem ‘Ieya’.
A trio of synth-pop essentials closes the side: Visage with ‘Pleasure Boys’ their third single in 1982, Blancmange with ‘Feel Me’ – their second single, (the next would be their Top 10 breakthrough) and ‘Flowers’ by singer-songwriter Zaine Griff – produced by Hans Zimmer and featuring unmistakable backing vocals by Kate Bush.
Flipping over the side sees the fusions of Electronic Music with hip hop and disco celebrated, opening with three huge tracks: ‘Planet Rock’ from Afrika Bambaataa & The Soul Sonic Force, the floor-filling ‘Loopzilla’ from George Clinton and ‘Let It Whip’ a Top 5 U.S. smash from the Dazz Band – ’82 R&B from Aretha Franklin leads into retro-influenced pop from Mari Wilson and a jazz-influenced club classic from Blue Rondo A La Turk. The LP finishes with Imagination who created one of 1982’s essential albums with ‘In The Heat Of The Night’, from which this title track was taken as a single.
The concluding disc celebrates what was happening in the U.S. in 1982 on its first side. ‘Atlantic City’ from Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Nebraska’ leads, ahead of huge stars Billy Joel and John Mellencamp.
1982 would be the year that Daryl Hall & John Oates broke through in the UK with two Top 10 hits – but here featuring their U.S. Top 10 ‘Did It In A Minute’, plus, Michael McDonald who hit the Top 5 in the States with his debut solo single ‘I Keep Forgettin’ while Quarterflash leads into Asia, who had the year’s biggest selling album in America, and Journey with their biggest hit, the massive ballad ‘Open Arms’ from their Escape album.
The final side opens with an instrumental theme to a TV series U.S. Police drama ’Hill Street Blues’ ran for six years and peaked in popularity in 1982 – with its theme by Mike Post featuring Larry Carlton spending over five months on the chart, hitting the Top 10 in the U.S. and #25 in the UK. Fun Boy Three hit with their cover of ‘Summertime’, which comes ahead of Grace Jones and Men At Work.
This is followed by U.S. new wave from The Go-Go’s, The Waitresses, and The B-52s and closing the collection Siouxsie And The Banshees’ stunning interpretation of the traditional French carol, ‘Il Est Ne Le Divin Enfant’.
This set just fits nicely between my original Ronco, K Tel and Telstar compilations and the rather good Now Yearbook 1982 set, rounding out that years great colourful sounds.
A few well-being issues today, scratch that, since the weekend so it's gonna be short and sweet.
I like playing although there are times when other events do rather take over that you can do little about, they may be craft kits, lego, which in it's original form was only limited by your own imagination rather than the vast amounts of movie and tv tie-in sets they've issued over the last fifteen or so years.
There are those things we hug and involve in stories we act out such as our teddy bears, hello kitties and dolls.
Dolls do matter for gurls, as it's often our springboard to seeing what who looks may be like and where we might wear them as soft pastel outfits wouldn't do for fetching the coal in or doing a bit of gardening as much as we might feel like a million dollars dressed like that.
We may experiment with hair fashions too and a vast array of accessories but you know where it ends up for many of us?
