Brownie scouting Autumn 2023 style

Some years I have put out a post around scouting at this time of year simply because the sights and smells of Autumn and the activities tie in so much to my experiences to the point it brings it all back in all the complications being me involves.

At one level the basic complication is just which section of the movement my little side belongs and today while girls can join scouts which has now totally ceased to be a boys thing, girl guiding is still for girls although they do accept those who medically might be boys but seeing themselves as girls are living as girls.

Given I don't identify as a girl any more than a boy that leaves me and those like me out in the cold.

Fortunately in the new-old world as a age dysphoric sissy, I can side step much of that and follow the basic rules and principals of guiding which are not so dissimilar to cub so for what would be more den or ceremonial purposes go with a wither wearing a brown skirt or adopt a suitably sized traditional brownie tunic but wear grey short trousers when hiking.

What Brownies is about is set out well in this illustration from a 1980's Brownie guide book you'd have when you joined

You may not see much emphasis on it today but Brownies did deal with the issue of looking after you nails, so they are short, attractive but not done in way that has as many ridges from bites than mountains!

As a sissy nail care does matter and doesn't it make sense to talk about it anyway?

As in Cubs, you EARN badges but where you put them differs and you need to sow them on so this handy little guide from the era of the classic brown tunic helps.

Exploring with your very own little canopy above you, looking out for all the mammals, birds and insects around you wasn't that what you loved to and you can today, having adventures.

That's why I've readopted this bit of past as being part of full and now open me.

Motivation: Why I'm me

Some things around being a femboy get lost in a load of noise from settings that may appear to be similar but are not.

Take motivation for instance.

It's not around notions of being humilated as a genetic male such as you might associated with some notions of sissiness nor is it about becoming a woman you always felt you really were as it would for a transexual.

It's about you being happy as yourself, the way that comes out by itself  and people accepting that's how you are.

It's not about endorsement  nor is it about meeting some groups ideas about how you should present to be accepted by them.

You may need some help to be brave, letting people really see the real you rather than masking it all, being the master of all disguises.

Why hide our feminine ways not least when real women and girls do appreciate them.

The road travelled around the start of the last decade showed me that.

This really isn't something I can remotely agree with simply because men should not be carrying around ideas of seeing school girls as sexual playful objects and as someone who is younger than my years I am that person all the time and as such want to be respected and cared for.

Wear a uniform if you'd sooner be at school studying, taking lessons not for those reasons.

Finding the freedom to be me

When it all comes together this life is a good a hundred and eighty degrees to that of people of the same bone age even if like ships in the night we pass and at times share space together.

People sometimes wonder where you may find a sense of freedom and where within this lifestyle it can be found given much of the misinformation and criticism you see around.

I suppose the first thing I’d say was that as individuals we have certain freedoms in many instances backed by laws to protect rights such as to have free association, to express points of view, to information that’s free from government interference and bias, to express our sexual and gender identity and practise our beliefs within reason.

Nobody I’ve ever encountered our world ever argued against those things, indeed regardless of  party politics, many have been the strongest advocates for individual liberties and freedoms I’ve ever encountered.

How we use those freedoms in our lives and relationships is very much our own business because they are the bigger things that enable it but the notion that the smaller side, that of how private lives are structured needs to be based on joint everything is not one even in Vanillaville necessarily follows.

After all how do you think a situation where both of you had the last say would work out?

Not very well.

Life for me then is a roll back to much of the social position of a child of having a say but not the final one where Adults rather than the adult-child me run much of my world.

The freedom I get from that is to be that carefree boy able to play, watch tv and read comics with just an agreed time to be in and around for meals and bed time, following the rules of the Adults.

To a very large extent I also resemble that little in their skirts, dresses and shirts although I do own short trousers too which was a freedom denied in original boyhood which leaves me feeling good for just being me rather than feeling I was full time acting as someone else.

And that's the main thing.

Gender and me

In the era of my childhood somethings were different and one was that for ideas that are more talked about today their wasn't many words available to described them and indeed a key number of terms we use today just had no equivalents back then.

That made the process of thinking and talking about them difficult because you literally didn't have the language for it.

 There always was something 'different' about me compared to my peers and if we were to write this in mathematical language  where B would equal Boy (and Male) and G would equal Girl (and Female) I'd be B` relating to but not being identical to B.

I loved my school uniform similar to this except the shirt was grey and the sweater was red and wearing my shorts, wearing them way past junior school even into adulthood even and while I was curious about girls uniforms never really had a jealous wanting for them.

The thing really was I felt more feminine loving to do girls things and to share girl spaces sometimes more than some girls even in a simple way of putting it I wanted to do more female things in boys school uniform.

This didn't mean I may not of preferred to had the option of wearing a girls uniform but rather it wasn't about the clothes so much as the sense of being feminine and being seen and respected as such whatever I was wearing.

In the language we use today, I was exhibiting some gender fluid traits that were tolerated more in girls than boys (plus some girls do wear shorts in school today) that were frowned upon not so much by the school but by other adults and other children who had invested a lot in their own gender roles and were not prepared to have their system interrupted by a gender-fluid feminine biological boy at the time.

In some respects being a gender fluid feminine boy was a perfectly good and natural thing that in other cultures is more accepted to the point they do even accept a third category but in ours especially in the recent past the only acceptance you could get is by presenting by whatever means as a girl, often the most stereotypical one dimensional form too.

When talking about this time, I feel the that expression 'gender fluid boy' and 'feminine' boy were the best descriptions of the life I lived then even though I did experiment with wearing skirts and dresses and mainly wear them today.

There is a side of me that is more a cross between being a Tom Boy and a Jane Girl which is I do wear boys school shorts mainly with girls socks and sometimes with traditional boys socks from time to time that is a legacy from boyish childhood for things like walking or 'rougher play' which is a part of that gender fluidity.

Today I am happiest go accept being a sissy gurl and to be referred to as one as it's the one term that has real currency that covers that difference between being masculine which I don't have much of and the way my feminine side is too different to be mature adult female never mind some of the more submissive traits I have. 

Where we are at

 

Things are different from the days this blog had started with greater acceptance of gender variation as it effects us personally from our interests, personality and way we present even if a good number hold against reality that their son or daughter will be the gender stereotype they were brought up with.

The reality has always been I am not  nor am I in anyway almost fashionable transgender because I love my actual sex identity but more my gender side goes against certain cultural norms that in general has more issues with for bring male than a good many women and girls have (not saying they don't get negative attention sometimes).

In connection with that I did under go an online  test just for curiosity's sake and this is how it worked out

Certificate: Test results Sissy Proficiency Test

You have quite a high score! On some questions your answers scored nearly "100% sissy" male. For some other questions, the answers you provided made you appear to be either offended, uninterested and/or unable to live your dreams. Of course, the options above mean different things to different people. It might be that you would like to be more of a sissy, but home/work life prohibits or inhibits your ability to enjoy absolute and full sissy life. Either way, you are more than half-way to being a sissy! You have three choices: (a) work harder at becoming a perfect sissy; (b) stay as you are and just have fun, or (c) convince yourself that you are actually a red-blooded male... and good luck! Whatever you decide... be safe, have fun, and enjoy life!
 
Take this quiz: Sissy Proficiency Test

While I don't associate myself as with some aspects of online sissy culture  it did comfirm my feminine side and that going forward it is really best to work with that.

Having been back and forth over the years as there is no great combination of terms that both command wide acceptance and adequately define the sense in which I am not either male or female by gender even though I accept my male sex, I am now prepared to accept Sissy Gurl as main  gender idenitity.

Stripped down, its obvious I'm a Sissy Gurl.

Equality for all

It is summer but with Covid around it certainly doesn't feel it with no one able to be away or stay with anyone overnight so I've spent my time out just exploring in the fresh air.

I've found myself thinking during this period about where things need to be for everyone including people like me to feel accepted.

Comparing how things were when I grew up in the seventies and eighties and today we can see some clear signs of progress in what we might call gender roles in society and how we can ensure people are raised to take full advantage of those opportunities.

What seems to be helping us to achieve the most we can right now in society is that people are realizing there are traits that belong to both genders, and those traits that were traditionally considered 'masculine' are there in women, and the 'feminine' traits are there in men. 

It's no longer seen as a problem when someone shows traits that are often considered to belong to the opposing gender--men cry and get upset in bad situations, or are gentle and soft holding a baby in their arms. 

Women are more and more in the positions of power (here in the UK we've had two female Prime Ministers), and taking control of rough situations.

I don't think we need to go to a society where the women are wearing the business suits and running things while the men are dolled up in short skirts with makeup and painted nails.

That's where I break with some feminists and most on the sissy fetish side.

I hold to reverse the roles completely would be just as disastrous as the way things had been run. 

Instead, we need the roles equalized and that femininity should never be seen a bad thing. 

When we can get to the point where a parent gives their child a pair of panties and a sundress to wear for the day and nobody cares whether the child is a girl or boy, the world will be a much better place.

We'll get there slowly--as the previous generations die out and the new ones grow up, acceptance of things like this grows. 

Someone who grew up with a 'macho' father becomes friends with a more feminine boy and realizes there's nothing wrong with it. 

Now, their son grows up to be accepting of both feminine and masculine things, and their child more so. 

Those of us who grew up experiencing both sides of the equation when the roles were so much more rigidly defined seem to be some of the biggest champions for equality. 

I learned firsthand that girls don't have a more difficult life compared to boys, but instead each gender faces their own difficulties and with each gender were variants such as Jane Girls like me and Tom Boys.

We have the right to be free to be me.

The Year of the feminine gurl, Part Two

In 2019 I wrote a piece entitled “The Year of the Gurl”, written just after Christmas 2018 where I looked how I had moved from my arrival first at one site in April of that year to how it was I was being my little self that Christmas in a family context accepted for being that little feminine gurl.

No one not even me could have foreseen how that year could of ended up a year where on Christmas I was dressed from totally as that boy right down to grey shorts or skirts and grey with blue banded socks with a grey school jumper on in front of them all, playing.

It also was a year where on three occasions in the huge political uncertainty in that time I arrived to vote in elections, in person dressed as that little in front of people I have know some connected to my own involvement in politics who just accepted me as I was and for other reasons had to be examined by people who also saw me dressed the same way, totally unfazed and respectful of who and what I am.

While this blog doesn’t go deeply into it, it also was the year I moved totally from those situations and people who tried to undermine my own sense of what to be a sissy gurl was and my very real feminine side, sticking up for my right to be unshakably me and to associate more with them to help me with standing up for myself.

It was a year of personal growth and security in clear cut  identity unparalleled where as I type this I feel so much better in myself for all of that which I am sure some including “Sammy” can tell straight off from when we first met.

She even accepted my feminine side including wearing skirts as part of what being a feminine boy or sissy gurl was for me even though it was not for them personally but the thing we both realized was I wasn't in any way a girl and people who tried to see me that way had really got it wrong.

I was very much a feminine gurl in a skirt!

While a certain amount of care may be needed  toning down on anything with logo’s and the like in certain public settings, the year will begin as it began represented in grey shorts or skirts and a uniform, being little and being an increasingly confident as that sissy.

Being yourself as that child and adult little

 

Life when you are Tammy had it's up and downs growing up the most obvious being I'd sooner have an option for uniform that I felt comfortable in either that traditionally associated with boys or girls even if having made that choice, I had to abide by for consistencies sake for the whole term.

I would of freely chosen to wear a skirt and matching white, grey or black long socks and conformed to the same skirt length rules as the girls.

I always loved dolls and even had a few  but most relatives never bought me one, thought it was odd and worst of all I couldn't share freely my interest in dolls with the kids in school.

This sort of collectors doll was what I prized so much with her scaled down domestic furniture all set out beautifully.

It's interesting by making a word a plural and converting dolls to dollies the whole images changes from more historical fashion based interest and collecting to playing with dollies designed to star in adventures in your own imagination.

Playing with dollies was "forbidden fruit" but sissy gurl me loved it, dressing them up from head to toe.

I had toy cars but ones that linked to things like Barbie such as this convertable were more where I was at because they would fit in with that evolving girlie adventure story in my mind I so wanted to share with others such as girls.

Sport after leaving junior school was impacted by gender lines but even before then uniform was more of an issue with me and as I wanted to play Netball and Hockey which were girl only too at the time I would of wanted to wear a netball skort like the boy on the left who looks great in it.

Again outside of the options for sports, I so desperately wanted an option for my P.E and Games kit, renewable on a termly basis that reflected my gender identity.

This battle is so worth fighting for todays gender variant kids and in the context of adult littles also within some of those communities that have the same closed mindsets when people like me wish to play with them.

Openness is key

For many of us this could well be a scene that is familiar, bed with pretty bed linen on it and in the draw underneath of it a blouse and skirt for us to wear once we've showered and washed ourselves clean.

That was always the thing I wanted at the time to be able to do and to feel I can say that.

Times at least for some are better with schools youth organizations and new enterprises being more inclusive, being more open to variance but for a good many others of us and the people in our lives, there are still in the mental prison of the fear of what will the neighbours and works colleagues say???

Why shouldn't I like to wear satin french knickers cos they're so soft and comfortable?

Nobody is asking anyone to understand why we like and do what we do or join in but just accept we are different and should only be judged on what actually matters.

Does it really hurt?

On Gender

It is heading towards Christmas and  new year and bearing in mind  I established a Tumblr earlier in the year you start to hear much discourse around the who question of identities and who belongs in what camp as it were.

I have never made any claim to be anything other than me even if at times I had been playing catch up with all the terms and definitions as I lack much of that to try to explain just where I fit in with all of it.

Despite the best attempts of others put impose a narrative more suited to them on me, the one thing I have learned this year is I unequivocally identify as a boy at the biological sexual level and is a part of my social gender.

I have no desire to be or become a female because I like my body and moreover my feminine side is uber female and goes off the normal female scale.

It is however quite true to say some of my interests and traits  are traditionally seen as feminine which was an issue certainly in my schoolboy years although today some are seen more acceptable for boys to do or pursue.

I will not dodge what some have seen as the elephant in the room which is to do like to gender present at variance to that of boys in skirts and dresses more suiting of child rather than that of an adult.

That can show in wearing the skirts and dresses of  school uniform traditionally associated with girls at times.

I am also a gurl with a kawaii crush liking cute t shirts and socks who loves wearing soft pretty and  frilly panties under hur skirts.

Some have suggested that those feminine sides mean I am of the female gender or I'm a transgendered person.

People do when it comes to social roles and interests differ when measured against stereotypical norms so the sporty girl or the ballet loving boy are still girl and boy respectively.

To me that's more routed in gender roles and expectations as much as sadly some people are left feeling "it would be easier if I was [insert opposite gender].

The nature of transsexuality is however it's not just the leaving of the social trappings of gender but implies you also wish to leave the body you were in because you want/desire the physical form of the gender you feel you are and not just at the point of wanting to 'fit in'.

People have defied convention expressing themselves or even presenting outwardly as a gender different to the one recorded without any surgery sometimes for short periods on occasions for most of their lives.

In my case I know I'm neither male or female by gender and actually I fall more under sissy gurl even with a few variants within that which I discovered some years ago.

I today call myself a Sissy Gurl or go under feminine boy as any grown up sexuality is totally different from your sense of gender anyway.

Gender Spaces and the sissy

Another week and one update to Pale Moon and that still hasn't cured the browser of freezing over so we're still in Firefox which as much as I don't like the interface does work very well.

Spaces are a contentious issue as anyone on Tumblr knows only too well and some of that also applies into off line life too as well as what people do when we allow them into our own.

One area I think worth talking about is gender spaces where yes most of us say people should be free to mix with whoever they want, take part in activities together and not be barred from an activity just because of their gender. 

This you might think is the end product of decades of arguments won when it comes to equal opportunities and as such the very last word but today it's not.

Unlike perhaps a few of you I've been in the work place and it isn't uncommon for female employees to actually have their own social groups that they keep to just women going out together or spending time at each others places.

Even in 2018 here in Great Britain there are Universities that only accept women being founded expressly for female higher education and women have voted to keep them that way because they prefer an all female ethos and under English Law at at least a private members club can be all female only too.

Part of the argument is it is nice to have a place just to talk and share things with without men around who as nice as they are would  change the feel just  by being there and maybe inhibit conversations people need.

The same can be true for Women and Girls but where does it leave people like me, sissies with some connections through upbringing to the experience of men and boys and yet in so many other ways drawn to the world of girls and women cos we're so feminine?

As someone who is age dysphoric in this new-old life given my interest in and love of scouting connected activities it isn't the oh so real issues of children who don't fit into the pigeonholes of boy and girl when it comes to being it it - Girl Guiding or Scouts - it's also within my recreated version I belong too.

All I know is Scouts as in Cubs, that's comfortable as it goes but I'd sooner wear something more feminine outside hiking so outside hiking would it make more sense to wear a period brownie uniform?

It's all stuff I'm mulling over.

Perhaps more give and take on gender spaces rather than battle cries might better suit our needs?

The Boy In The Dress

When David Walliams, the British children's author wrote The Boy In The Dress, few saw just how influential it became in causing children to question recent traditions when it comes to dress not least dress for boys which is something I'm acutely aware of.

Dress for us has remained very much stuck on a trousered model virtually from the seventeenth century even though for women and girls it has moved on and critically wider into areas previous deemed masculine such as trousers for women and girls as uniform options.

Hopefully attitudes will change in time across society but thankfully those in school are beginning to change from the at times open hostility to sissy gurls like me.

Making progress in the classroom

 

This November the Church of England that apart from being an Established religion of Anglican Christianity here in the UK is a substantial provider of both primary and secondary education though its schools that are open to all, made a pronouncement around gender equality in a set of guidance issued to Heads and others running them.

In it it was clearly established that a culture of humiliation, intimidation and ridicule was not to be accepted within school for children with gender identity issues or  have differing forms of sexuality  from the mainstream was not going to be tolerated.

This covered staff but also from other children in the classroom.

In this the issue of childhood exploration of roles and identities through play such as dress up was addressed by saying a boy who wishes to wear a Tutu or a Girl who wishes to dress in attire associated with boys roles  would be accepted without anyone saying "Don't be silly, pick something else" or with any acceptance of the same from that child's peers.

Some in the UK media read that as saying ordinarily in a class a boy might wear a Tutu but this wasn't about uniform so much as play and exploration of roles through it.

What was made very plain is in so far as presenting as either non-binary or in a gender different to that assigned goes, this is to be accepted and a child would be permitted to wear school uniform from with the range that in their opinion best suits them as that child.

In other words uniform was to be upheld but in a form allowing expression of a child's gender identity. Something socially liberal but fairly traditional sorts like me would agree with and indeed would of willing engaged with had it been an option for us at that time in our childhood.

While I'm not an Anglican I find much within this I can agree with as we do not send children into school to be intimidated or humiliated for just being the gender and sexuality they truly are. 

Boy me back thensuffered in school from that and it's about time we put a stop to it.

A little rant

 

I don't know how others feel but I am tired of hearing boys can't do this or wear that.

  Boys can too wear dresses and skirts.

  Boys can too wear panties and slips.

  Boys can too be allowed to express their feelings.

Today Girls are allowed to do all of the above and they are allowed to dress completely as boys, ie pants, shirts, and boxers yet still today boys are discriminated against if they wish to wear a dress or skirt.  

The boys who do are called a whole host of names that are not only degrading to the boys but females as well. IT is like being a girl is something that should be considered less then their male counterparts. 

Just like the "N" word for blacks is no longer in dictionaries the term "SISSY"* or "FAG" should be taken out of the dictionaries.  

To me WE need to make the use of what a gender wears not be included as to that person but see him or her as another human who just has and expresses their gender in a way that makes sense to them.

* Sissy as an insult should be removed, sissy gurl as a gender idenity being too feminine for a girl and insufficient masculine by a wide margin to be any kind of boy I feel should stay.

Two different things

There is no great way of putting this but one thing around being the way you are as a adult little gurls is the way people confuse us with "sexual crossdressers" and indeed how those places utterly misrepresent our boyby sex but feminine gender often in really bad way.

We like our biological identity as males, we have no need or wish for any surgery to remove our boy parts cos actually we quite like having them around as much as we may not see ourselves as anything other than either a sissy gurl or gender fluid when it comes to specific gender.

We ARE boys in terms of sex  but we have a strong sense of the feminine in us that present day culture never mind that a good number of us were brought up in regards as being unbecoming to being a "real boy" and so ostracizes us when were are not verbally or physically abused.

We have no gender dysphoria at all as we accept our sissy gurl/jane girl ways.

I loved playing footy as a boy, hung out with a good number and was happy enough to do that but my problem was when I wanted to do stuff or dress more like girls did such as wearing a skirt or a dress or to play girls games.

The boys didn't want that and the girls would not let you join in at least in public so while you might play girls games with a sister or cousin in your home an that cos you just had to by order of The Grown Ups, that wasn't so in the playground or at play dates.

That ability to be and express my feminine side as that child was all I ever wanted and that's what this blog is all about.

I am Feminine little who accepts hur sissy gurl side.

Call me Sissy.

Coming out

 

The more I think about the time that has elapsed from the start of the blog, the exploration of really the way I saw me uncovering a few overlapping traits, tearing down the internal walls, tearing off the masks in public settings, the more I just accepted the way things were.

I began to realize I was not in any way driven to be a girl and a woman so much as a biological feminine boy with a strong sissy side at one with ones physical sex but aligning close to but never in the same space as a girl socially.

I never fancied myself as a Woman.

My adult side embraced female domination with a bundle of kinks including sexual ones as much as most of the time the little side is who is out and here I am dune up in a pink gingham school dress in frills and white socks doing some colouring while embracing being a Little Sissy.

The little play for me would of included being "dressed as a girl" by actual girls as much as traditional feminine girls play and socializing.

It is time to be out. 

What girls want to know about feminine boys

 

Some boys are very different because on their insides they are really much more like you than you imagine

We, while wearing whatever we feel may be better suited to what we're doing at that moment, prefer to be dressed in dresses and skirts that you wear too. You can encourage us in that.

You refer to us as a gurl because that is our gender but you treat us as girls.

You include us in but hold us to the same rules as your girl friends.

That said we may wear Pj's in bed

We may enjoy somethings with regular boys such as playing with dinosaurs and some rougher play

but then we just adore playing with dollies with...you and like magical girl animes that are very girly

Our first instincts are the same as yours so let us express them.

We are feminine boy or sissies and would love to play with you and your friends.

The basics as I'm different

 We had mentioned the complicating nature of being gender fluid identifying as a feminine boy but you need to consider that when my feminine side is stronger unlike most of the time, then what leads to a spanking is likely to feature me as I feel best at that point.

I undertook a test recently looking at how I'd feel if I woke up a girl and here are the results.

You loved being a girl and wanted to be like that forever.

You love being feminine and hanging out with your female friends, and probably chose the skirt girls' school uniform because you didn't mind wearing it at all. In fact, you liked being a girl better than being a guy.

Wow, what an outcome! Your results reveal that you really took to this hypothetical transformation and not just adapted, but thrived in your new identity as a girl. The notion of femininity resonated with you, and you genuinely relished this experience. This is quite intriguing and showcases your openness to the realm of possibilities that life presents.

Your enjoyment of femininity indicates that you appreciated the nuances that come with being a girl. You might have felt empowered by the grace and elegance associated with it, or perhaps the sense of community and sisterhood that your female friends provided appealed to you. There's something uniquely special about that bond which can be deeply fulfilling.

Choosing to wear the skirt girls' school uniform wasn't an issue for you. In fact, it was an aspect you seemed to enjoy. This likely indicates your comfort with expressing yourself through your appearance. Fashion can be a wonderful outlet for self-expression, and the opportunity to experiment with different styles and aesthetics may have been exciting for you.

Intriguingly, you stated you preferred being a girl over being a guy. This could reveal a lot about your inner self. Maybe you have always felt a kinship with femininity, or perhaps the experience simply allowed you to express parts of yourself that you couldn't as a boy. Whatever the case, it's important to embrace these feelings. Identity is deeply personal and unique to each individual.

Navigating through the maze of gender norms and expectations can be challenging, but your experience shows an incredible level of self-discovery and acceptance. These qualities will be of great value as you continue to explore and understand yourself. Remember, there's no right or wrong when it comes to who you are or who you choose to be.

This hypothetical situation has allowed you to explore another side of yourself, and that's a beautiful thing. Life is full of twists and turns, and this experiment shows you can adapt to, and even relish, unexpected changes. Let this be a lesson in embracing the unknown with enthusiasm and an open mind. After all, you never know what you might discover about yourself along the way.

I feel that tells us really I am very much feminine and as a sissy gurl I do belong in dresses and skirts.

It is not about you and your power as that female, it is about me and teaching me a lesson I cannot fail to remember that will 'kick in' whenever I may feel tempted to do the things I should not - a deterrence.

It makes no difference what I've got on I'm still me and spanking is in my life now.

Being a Brownie at heart

It's been an odd year, lots of different things happening, being with new people for a day, sometimes more while I also do explore a bit more around where I am in the way I used to enjoy so much.

Scouting has always had an inner conflicted thing with me in that while as a feminine gurl but raised as a boy I am unlike some quite at one with being biologically male however the execution of that especially in the era I was brought was problematic.

Some parts of the whole back story to Guiding and from that Brownies sit easier with me, in general I like wearing dresses which just isn't an option in Cubs but I have no desire to be a girl.

It's like I'm a Cub-Brownie.

I can get by in the grey shorts they wore back then and they have their plus points for hiking but being restricted to that doesn't really fit as I want that tunic.

The whole ethos of Scouting is very much me though and I'm happy to socialize with boys, although I am a gurl and back then that was a problem.

Living more in accordance with that and the Law and Brownie promise is something I just feel called to.

Recapitation

Something like a recapitation of what has been learned so far in that while some people may feel is strong sense of disconnect from how they may see their social identity and how that is viewed all that can be changed is the outward appearance at cost not just financial but in terms of damage to your own heath.

Gender realignment surgery as it's called has substantial health risks   and does not change your actual sex leaving you internally a mismatch of female parts such as breasts but prostrates, no ovaries and womb.

A few people may need that but many are more conflicted about gender roles and expectations which are a lot different than your sex and working on them may make more sense.

Not a few people who are "little" who do think in terms of passing as another gender don't actually want to be an adult of it and really while at some event consideration should be given for that role in social gatherings, in everyday life they really are not that sex and no alterations are needed.

A man who presents as a girl in his spare time is a man ultimately.

For me what some misread as dysphoria was actually the painful feelings I had about being on the inside developmentally  a much younger person and how because of my age and how I presented that clashed.

That was something that could be addressed without to much difficulty if in effect we took the decision to return me to childhood with the protections of grown ups.

Going along with other peoples ideas around regression cos it was all that was on offer doesn't make sense because really I know and do clearly identify as a sissy gurl being neither a girl or boy by gender so regression for me is LSG (Little Sissy Gurl) even if I need spaces in to let my masculine side out as my gender fluidity requires it.

 

The nature of that is you do have the development of  at least an adolescent.