Gender and me

In the era of my childhood somethings were different and one was that for ideas that are more talked about today their wasn't many words available to described them and indeed a key number of terms we use today just had no equivalents back then.

That made the process of thinking and talking about them difficult because you literally didn't have the language for it.

 There always was something 'different' about me compared to my peers and if we were to write this in mathematical language  where B would equal Boy (and Male) and G would equal Girl (and Female) I'd be B` relating to but not being identical to B.

I loved my school uniform similar to this except the shirt was grey and the sweater was red and wearing my shorts, wearing them way past junior school even into adulthood even and while I was curious about girls uniforms never really had a jealous wanting for them.

The thing really was I felt more feminine loving to do girls things and to share girl spaces sometimes more than some girls even in a simple way of putting it I wanted to do more female things in boys school uniform.

This didn't mean I may not of preferred to had the option of wearing a girls uniform but rather it wasn't about the clothes so much as the sense of being feminine and being seen and respected as such whatever I was wearing.

In the language we use today, I was exhibiting some gender fluid traits that were tolerated more in girls than boys (plus some girls do wear shorts in school today) that were frowned upon not so much by the school but by other adults and other children who had invested a lot in their own gender roles and were not prepared to have their system interrupted by a gender-fluid feminine biological boy at the time.

In some respects being a gender fluid feminine boy was a perfectly good and natural thing that in other cultures is more accepted to the point they do even accept a third category but in ours especially in the recent past the only acceptance you could get is by presenting by whatever means as a girl, often the most stereotypical one dimensional form too.

When talking about this time, I feel the that expression 'gender fluid boy' and 'feminine' boy were the best descriptions of the life I lived then even though I did experiment with wearing skirts and dresses and mainly wear them today.

There is a side of me that is more a cross between being a Tom Boy and a Jane Girl which is I do wear boys school shorts mainly with girls socks and sometimes with traditional boys socks from time to time that is a legacy from boyish childhood for things like walking or 'rougher play' which is a part of that gender fluidity.

Today I am happiest go accept being a sissy gurl and to be referred to as one as it's the one term that has real currency that covers that difference between being masculine which I don't have much of and the way my feminine side is too different to be mature adult female never mind some of the more submissive traits I have.