The school age sissy

Something I do care a lot about are children, specifically those assigned as boys at birth who find everything connected around gender doesn't actually feel anything like them not least because I was one.

In my day the dividing line between acceptable boys behaviour, mannerisms, dress and interests and that of girls was heavily policed both by boys and girls in the playground, organizations, and adults such as parents, teachers and medical professionals.

Parents would berate, remove items deemed unsuitable, physically punish, teachers tended to ridicule you in front of your peers and some medical professions co-operated with enforced gender norm programs making some of us who were more gender questioning wear boys items, removing anything girls had least we become "sissies"

Equally girls could find themselves forced to wear dresses against their wishes, prevented rom doing things like climb trees.

The thing really was deep down, we are what we are having our own sense of gender identity, how we see our own gender roles and how we feel best gender presenting.

I feel "boys" who don't wish to wear traditional boys school uniform should have the option to wear girls and equally any "girl" should have the option to wear that of boys so long as you're fairly consistent over it and where possible able to share in games and PT with those you feel more comfortable with in non competitive settings.

That was all this sissy wanted in school and in scouting.

Not to change the "culture" of any group nor to usurp the majority groups own identity but to able to join in as I am.

Tammy always existed but was discriminated against, humiliated  and denied what was right for hur and in 2021 stands up for children today facing similar situations.

Making progress in the classroom

 

This November the Church of England that apart from being an Established religion of Anglican Christianity here in the UK is a substantial provider of both primary and secondary education though its schools that are open to all, made a pronouncement around gender equality in a set of guidance issued to Heads and others running them.

In it it was clearly established that a culture of humiliation, intimidation and ridicule was not to be accepted within school for children with gender identity issues or  have differing forms of sexuality  from the mainstream was not going to be tolerated.

This covered staff but also from other children in the classroom.

In this the issue of childhood exploration of roles and identities through play such as dress up was addressed by saying a boy who wishes to wear a Tutu or a Girl who wishes to dress in attire associated with boys roles  would be accepted without anyone saying "Don't be silly, pick something else" or with any acceptance of the same from that child's peers.

Some in the UK media read that as saying ordinarily in a class a boy might wear a Tutu but this wasn't about uniform so much as play and exploration of roles through it.

What was made very plain is in so far as presenting as either non-binary or in a gender different to that assigned goes, this is to be accepted and a child would be permitted to wear school uniform from with the range that in their opinion best suits them as that child.

In other words uniform was to be upheld but in a form allowing expression of a child's gender identity. Something socially liberal but fairly traditional sorts like me would agree with and indeed would of willing engaged with had it been an option for us at that time in our childhood.

While I'm not an Anglican I find much within this I can agree with as we do not send children into school to be intimidated or humiliated for just being the gender and sexuality they truly are. 

Boy me back thensuffered in school from that and it's about time we put a stop to it.

Thoughts around learning

 There's nothing quite so stereotypical British as national panics best talked over tea and a common one is around educational standards although it could be argued part of this reflects the debate around learning and retaining facts over looking things up and following a process.

My feelings are more that you do need a knowledge base so you know  8 x 8 is 64 and The Great Fire of London did take place in 1666 so you can both know off the bat if something is 'wrong' and work efficiently. It is hard to progress when you haven't mastered the basics as like a good number of dyslexic people I know only to well which was a reason I ended up resuming studying a while ago.

Much of this chart from a UK national newspaper is familiar in that what I was expected in my class when I was educated strongly aligned with that common during in the 1950's and following reforms, changed.  My feeling is what happened has been less is required to be known and over a longer period which shows up when international comparisons are made.

It's hard to believe that in that time children are less capable of learning even if we are more enlightened around the things that can making learning more harder for some and prepared to assist more.

It may be how we teach that needs to be addressed apart from having the kind of classroom I had when the teacher just walked in with the texts needed, you got up to greet them and from that point on you were expected to sit still and pay attention rather than dealing with messing about with cellphones and the like.

My boarding school life

 Encountering and talk with someone for a few week rather got me to thinking a little about writing something about my boarding school life although my own pictures seem to have disappeared over the years.

So you wanna know about boarding school?

Well I went when I was 11 and 1/2 and it probably as as well as there were lots of problems at home revolving around Dad that were affecting me emotionally.

As much as I'd love to say I went to this gorgeous old building with orchard and that, it was actually a very modern boarding school on the edge of a small town and as close we got to an orchard was a field with wild poppies growing in it.

The school was what you call co-ed taking both girls and boys in it.

I quite liked it because it gave me security, a host of friends and more of a chance to be myself because for once I was in the right place at the right time.

When you mention boarding schools people tend to weigh in with opinions from either 'my Island horror story' or 'the very making of me' but oddly enough I think the best portrayal is in fiction specifically Enid Blyton's Malory Tower or St Clares series that you might possible of read before those who had it in for Enid removed her books from libraries in England tossed in with the boyish wit of Jennings of which I read a lot at the time.

Her portrayal is very similar to my experience in that it's a multifaceted thing because you are part of a social unit who live and breathe together for all of the time so everything is that much bigger. The good and the not so good.

If you live away from people as I did it's a great thing because you have a ready made supply of playmates available from daybreak to sunset from different backgrounds plus my family had issues amongst themselves (they still do sadly) so it provided a bit of an escape from them.

I suppose the first thing to say when I arrived was there were more boys so when the first morning had began it obvious the head boy had rather more to 'take care of' trying to settle in so standing very nervously by the wall, the Head Girl puts her arm through mine and says "I'm Jo and I'll take care of you".

This leads to the biggest tear stain heart to heart ever as I explain what stuff is like at home and why I really hate how I looked to the point of hurting myself deliberately (we'd call it "self harming" today) all with a vocabulary of a nine year old as my English wasn't terribly good then. She doesn't really understand it all but says she'll help me which is good enough.

By a stroke of luck while the individual Dorms are gender separated, they alternate along one long corridor so you could see them about and talk in the common room or in the grounds.

By a bit of persuasion I was able to get to play netball and rounders with the girls as I wasn't much good at rugby or cricket and swimming was mixed.

In my school, the  Dorms for us held about 3 or four to one room in which  which you can put up some of your own things such as posters, action man figures and you could have your own tv and tape player.

In the evenings the Subbuteo table was out and all us boys would be around it going hell for leather to make our teams players win which was little different from the recess football matches we'd start and inevitably send the ball on to the flat roof to the consternation of our headmaster.

If you wished although in the common room where you could read watch tv and have drinks before getting dressed for bed and lights out. No talking ever after lights out!!

Generally we could play in our dorm, the hall, outdoors in good weather under supervision, in in our common room although that's where we'd listen to music mainly in and sometimes we could arrange activities such as cubs or school would take us out to places like the movies or the theatre especially when we were older.

The other side of being in a boarding school was you had to accept this space had rules and you had staff who would see you looked after yourself when it personal appearance and hygiene because that was their responsibility.

We also wore uniform outside class grey skirts for girls or trousers or at a push depending on the staff shorts for boys like me with grey or red jumpers and white tops -nothing really fancy (I'd of loved a blazer!) which I didn't mind cos at least nobody was able to be nasty about clothes you had.

If I was lucky the girls would make me over in a skirt and white pereline socks which was marvellous.

The first thing you learned in your first term as that the 'social ground rules' were different, so If anyone said anything catty regarding another it would last well beyond communal mealtimes and 'broadcasting' your thoughts willy nilly or making wild accusations was a very silly thing to do cos the group would be upset for ages and you couldn't escape it.

You'd pretty much have to apologize to the person and the group and take whatever sanction they'd apply so we all could move on and you could be spanked by the staff during the day and for certain things outside school hours.

In hindsight that was the best training for using the internet ever ('Everything seen cannot be unseen') as well as being very useful in large organizations dealing with group issues.

So you see my school experience was actually pretty good not because of some big edict from above but just from being flexible and showing compassion.