Upon the death of David Sutherland - Beano illustrator

 A constant of mine is comics, a thing that started as a young boy that continues as that older person but still a child on the inside me even today.

The year had began when it was announced at the age of 89, David Sutherland, the Beano artist was  given an award of an O.B.E. in this years New Year's Honours a period of transition for all of us following the late Queen's death last year and the start of the reign of our King, Charles III.

It was announced in the early hours of last Friday that David had died.

His career started in 1959 with being a freelance contributor to The Beano and as we got to the end of the 1960's he'd moved more into illustrating some of that comics most iconic characters, Dennis The Menace, the Bash Street Kids and Biffo the Bear.

Annuals were and still are a big thing when you are a child so many of us had Beano annuals of which this is an original of mine from Christmas 1974 that shows the Bash Street Kids and Dennis we fondly remember the way he draw them.

It was big news in September 1974, the start of my last term at Juniors that Dennis had made the Beano's front page taking over from Biffo The Bear who were part of a fictional world we loved as boys.

Impulsive, cheeky, always menacing, having a good run of luck before being caught out and like so many of us back then spanked, David's depiction of Dennis' life was the fictional counterpart to our own so to us these drawings are "our" Dennis, our Bash Street Kids with Toots complete with teacher's cane and so on in a way that to today's children the current versions are theirs set in their world.

The Bash Street Kids in the 1950's and Today.

His Dennis ran from 1970 to 1998, over a thousand episodes and a  few generations seeing changes in society, space exploration and more interest in ecology.

That world the current generation live in is simply something we could never of envisioned.

On a tribute The Beano had this to say:

"‘David viewed himself as a resident of Beanotown, living alongside our characters that he loved and he will live on there forever, and always be in the hearts of Team Beano and the millions of kids who have enjoyed his strips every week.’ "

All this eternal child can say regarding his contribution to Dennis, another is thank you for the funny stories told and drawn so well that added fun to our lives whatever may of been going on at the time.

R.I.P David.

P.s 1967 was officially a Groovy year but so much of this annual would be familiar to those of us who grew up in the 1970's cos the World of the Child was largely the same.

Restoring the past

 

I've mentioned the past before on this blog and obviously part aim of this blog covers talking about the ideas I've had, the things and expressions of being a feminine boy and how I felt about as society has only been recent at a point it could entertain the idea we may not wish to conform for many could never conform to gender norms.

Of course things happened in that time that can be seen as missteps as we join and get involved with people that over time we find our central conception of what we are differs from even if to some superficially we my appear to be the same.

To me they're learning experiences like some of the groups at places like Experience Project where people would share and talk more about their innermost sides of this life with much less of the "echo chamber" that you find on places like Tumblr.

The whole maid thing was a thing with me around two thousand eight through to about two thousand twelve struggling then to find a cosplay type maids outfit that would fit a broad western sized body.

That with me was never the fetished "sissy maid" even if I could have submissive thoughts but more the visual aesthetics  of such an outfit and even performing more "maid like " functions such as keeping things tidy and clean rather than the sexual.

For those of us like that, being seen by some as being a "sissy maid" with all that stuff could and did take us out our comfort zone.

I still have those sides to me although I'm not so sure I could pull the look off as time goes on with my bodies looks but what I know is there's no point in me denying it.

A feminine gurl with a bow in their hair, a pair of cats ears and a maids outfit with long socks or stockings is a part of my conception of me.

Perhaps I may revisit that one day?

1980 revisited

As we make our way through the month it is usually the case the final preparations are made for the production of  this years Beano and Dandy Summer Specials ready to go to the shops or today be ordered online from around late May.

Last year I did write a bit around Dandy and Beano Comic Library editions and Summer Specials and as it happens it's what would be the third anniversary on Tumblr.

Recently I repurchased this, the 1980 Summer Special which was something I bought while away in what was in hindsight to be quite a significant year.

1980 was year where exams loomed across this month and May and with it the widening age dysphoria gap between how I was on the inside and how chronological aged me was being seen by others.

It was across this period that I started to wear much of my older clothes not least shorts, long socks and having discovered it, my younger brothers former cub scout uniform when not "borrowing" skirts.

This was the summer I refused to wear long trousers while away on hols wearing either an old denim pair or some ultra short blue shorts so every single family picture shows what on the surface was a young boy, a slightly more mature looking ten or eleven year old as I was less developed physically and rather thin.

Thus it was him that read things like that years summer special Pup Parade, the strip based on the lives of the Bash Street Kid's dogs on the beach and in our accommodation.

Around this time I was still reading comics so issues like April 26th's was a memorable one and an indication of how things were across this period was the fifteen year old going on ten was still playing now having moved on a year (by chronological age) played with that glove puppet even if I could talk about The Jam and Mrs Thatcher's government going on to have afternoon tea with the latter at No. 10. 

I had decided by that point in my life I was not a "young man" nor associated with the term "teenager" but really still that boy in Juniors even if I went to "big school" and started to study for a few more examinations the next year.

So it was as got to the tail end of 1980 that what was now a boy in law who could leave school was still living in most respects as a ten year old with the same house rules, dressed the same would get things like that years Beano Book (it wasn't an annual until later) even if he studied the Constitution and system of Government at school getting the best exam result of the group the next year.

As far as that year book went Gnasher and Dennis were as football mad as us sticking our PE shorts on during midday recess for game on the school fields and Gnasher's teeth dead set on biting the bums of Dennis's opponents as we has in the Summer Special.

1980 was the year the short-lived  spin off Bash Street Kids annual  started as many of us were into Adam Ant and Grange Hill.

Cuthbert was forever the class swat and teachers pet as much as teacher was like mine that year still legally able to swing that cane in our direction and boys like me who got to sit outside the form teachers office were often teased about just what might happen later.  

You took stuff like that in your stride and I was more than capable of dishing it back later!

That was 1980 and why revisiting the Summer Special brought everything back.

The need to look at root causes in dysmorphia

 Dysmorphia is the intense disconnect and feeling of disgust a person may feel toward their own body and it is true that people have been reporting it in terms of Gender Dysphoria although the the term gender isn't really accurate as its about their bodies sex although the confliction is in their heads as they 'see' themselves as a person who isn't of their sex.

Why is it somehow transphobic that we even propose more time and resources to further study gender dysphoria in order to find its root cause?

It's already clear that we know "people don't feel like the body they were born in." But why is it wrong to ask why?

I have lost and ended up losing friends for posing this question

I mean it's not uncommon for people to remain depressed and even commit suicide after transitioning. This has caused many questions for me. I'm started to think perhaps we don't have enough science yet and we don't know the true cure to this dysphoria. So why are we acting like we do?

Is it not possible that to some extent at least their body because the focus of all they feel is wrong or uncomfortable with, that somehow if it were 'fixed' everything would go aright in their lives when in reality no matter what you may do regarding your appearance, actually you're carrying the feelings in your head?

Maybe you've never really been to 'me' and the issue may be more around societal expectations which are limiting which some boys make self limiting by imposing on their rigid behavioural codes?

You may have some qualities traditionally associated with femininity, perhaps you're a nurturing, sensitive kind of a guy who has always felt the jocks and would be drill sergeants bullied, humiliated and intimidated you at high school.

And that left you feeling 'less of a man'.

Actually they may be the less rounded real men than you if you understand it's part of a guys role to care for his family and children and his colleagues as a man.

So actually looking more into this stuff could help people make good choices to move on without the mistakes of transitioning without really understanding you and what's the actual issue.

If like me you are gender fluid and mix in a feminine and a masculine side you probably are more balanced all round anyway.

Our issue is other peoples attitudes and opinion, it certainly isn't us.

Getting that cubby feeling

This last week has been interesting with the usual mix of a few decades past and the current intermingled as I found memories of original childhood experienced in my second as that child in an adult body.

It has also been an interesting one for being out exploring nature, watching, feeling and hearing it intently.

I have observed the habits of Squirrels, watched on a daily basis the changes in the hue and colour of the leaves on all our local trees and a good many insects.
Indeed actually on Saturday, I observed at close quarters hundreds of Ladybirds out in the fall sun that must of emerged.

An example of the Harlequin Ladybird I saw is this one which I took a picture of while a wasp seemed to take an interest in my hat!

Wild berries were also out too although normally it is a little late in the season to see them.

While I can never be invested into the cubs nor actually be awarded the badges, this week I feel the sense of being a scout in spirit learning more their woodcraft  and scouting skills such as observation while having fun.

While at the time Cubs was the only option, really my resumption would be exclusively as a Brownie, a Brownie In Spirit with all the girl friendly traditions, promises and beliefs as a gurl.

That is where I belong and I shall work on.

The very things that are passported into the remainder of your life after that stage even after moving from having a boyhood to being a sissy gurl still benefit you.

The same but different - being you

One reason I have to have a blog rather than a Tumblr is Tumblr doesn't just rightly clamp down on threats but also on anything that contradicts its right on "woke" culture even though it's supposed to be a social blogger tool for all regardless of views.

Being on there talking and sharing my childhood experiences helped me understand me and get to grips with who and what I was really about, having conversations with boys but because in part their opposition to anything that's not pro gender questioning and skewed towards modern feminism, they axed all my original accounts.

Well I'm post binary genders, having moved on from "I'ma boy cos I have his body" and now see myself more as Sissy Gurl because we got to really what I was about.

My sex is male and socially I am a mixture of feminine and masculine gendered traits so you might think it was okay to be gender affirming as a masculine boy but on there it wasn't at all.

That's the thing: While I respect the rights of others to be as they are because I share space with them doesn't mean I should have to accept attempts to cast me as things I am not just because I do have a feminine side too AND I have a male body.

My mixture of masculinity and feminine traits should be accepted within my own  Gender Identity, our natural boyish aggression rather than being denounced is best channelled in areas that benefit everyone and people should be appointed because of their ability not trying to mirror society demographics as good as having a mix can be.

Having dolls and liking soft cute underwear are just a part of the whole I am.

Likewise my interest in things usually associated with females such as kawaii and my like of wearing dresses and skirts apart from short trousers should be respected.

I also know I am so off the scale with my feminity I could never socially be a girl as I'd be less feminine and more effeminate to them while being just as much over the masculine limits too plus my submissive dainty side is so plainly sissy to them

I say just call me Sissy Gurl and get on with it as I'm so third gender we might as well be honest about it for once.

Spaces that have existed for male and females alone because they provide safe spots for free frank conversation should be respected  even if most things are co-ed.

There is merit in single sex youth movement units even if two of the opposite sex do share facilities and take part in exercises together because it helps develop each to their full potential learning from older members and leaders of their own gender not just skills but also how to be the best grown man and women they can.

They aren't the same but are complementary and both deserve respect as the sex that they are from the one they are not.

Ode to being a Feminine Gurl

 

I feel the eternal spirit of the boy is best exemplified  by Christopher Robin in the many Winnie The Pooh stories.

Meeting up with the gang for a bit of a lark with a commanding view of our target, you'd be right to think something is going on but we loved that whole easy camaraderie as one boy passes the arrow ready to fire.

We know we might be caught with one of us getting a spanking for it but I'm prepared to take mine for the gang.

I loved my childhood and understood the consequences of the game we played with the grown ups in having our boistorus fun.

The issue we need to talk about

I tend to say the past is a different country, it's not a unique to me thing but this blog although starting in 2008 really goes back to a long time back when things were different and that is something that was reflected in our comics. 

Every week I had, most of us had The Beano and we loved it but from September 1974 Dennis The Menace became the main cartoon strip and as such as on the front cover .

One continuing backstory was the antagonism and permanent battle between Dennis and his gang of Menace Outlaws and Walter, pictured in blue and his "softies" who were portrayed not as I and a number of were sensitive and gentle minded but bordering on the effeminate, more feminine than the girls we knew as nine an ten year olds. 

You can argue about which came first but it did influence how feminine boys like me were treated even though we were not so over the top (and possibly aimed at "camp" gay boys and men) by other boys.

We could not openly talk about some of our interests without derision and even being set on by other boys.

I am sure it wasn't intentional on the part of the comic artists and owners but it had affected us even though we were not so "soft" as Walter and his friends were.

We WERE deemed boys then even though in truth we ARE sissies and no one deserved what happened to us.  

We can and as it comes from right inside of us why shouldn't we?

Little children and their Big Trains

Standing before the Great Hall of Steam Engines, a little boy pays homage to power of steam, the achievements of men in their glistening condition.

Every older boy and man knows this boy will return time and time again throughout his life to visit and ride on the trains as being captivated at an early age, be forms a bond with sight, sounds and smells of steam trains.

It was what happened to a four year old me.

Trains were a big thing in boyhood with me and this is practically boy folk law, a replica of Stephenson's Rocket locomotive photographed in The Great Hall of the National Railway Museum, York in 2014.

Moving ahead through cubbing

As time went on my balancing of feminine and masculine  things started to move through to other areas of being me.

We talked at the very beginning around not being immersed in the World of boys and  how rough play which lies at the core of boyhood play was discouraged even though when I did breakaway and  allowed boys to play very physically with me and I even played like that with them, I really liked it.

That was another sign that at the core I had aggression even if I could do more gentle play such as playing house or with dollies which I longed to do but that era was hard on you if you did as a more feminine gurl who the world thought was a boy.

Another area of that passivity was discouraging exploration as even though there was no reason for me not to had been enrolled into Cubs and actually I helped my brothers in their scouting behind the scenes, my parents did not enrol me.

While obviously one could not join junior scouting officially today, I decided to follow the spirit, principals and the sorts of activities I would of done back then so I started to learn many of the skills through practise that as that sissy gurl back then I'd of learned and to go out being physical, exploring the natural world around me.

As one of the core parts of regression in its very early days was that, finding and secretly wearing my younger brothers uniform as he'd left by that point it made more sense and I also established a uniform.

The awkwardness of the gender gap within the scouting movement then and some present issues aside such as longing for a more feminine style of uniform at least in the form I can relive is something I can change to get the best balance for a gurl who wanted and loved the scouting ethos.

This helped a lot in both shifting the negativity I had toward myself moving from being very risk averse to learning to work with risk handling it to take care of myself and to let my sense of adventure out.

By engaging with that it I was on the way to becoming a confident thoughtful feminine gurl who accepted their more sissy traits. 

My boarding school life

 Encountering and talk with someone for a few week rather got me to thinking a little about writing something about my boarding school life although my own pictures seem to have disappeared over the years.

So you wanna know about boarding school?

Well I went when I was 11 and 1/2 and it probably as as well as there were lots of problems at home revolving around Dad that were affecting me emotionally.

As much as I'd love to say I went to this gorgeous old building with orchard and that, it was actually a very modern boarding school on the edge of a small town and as close we got to an orchard was a field with wild poppies growing in it.

The school was what you call co-ed taking both girls and boys in it.

I quite liked it because it gave me security, a host of friends and more of a chance to be myself because for once I was in the right place at the right time.

When you mention boarding schools people tend to weigh in with opinions from either 'my Island horror story' or 'the very making of me' but oddly enough I think the best portrayal is in fiction specifically Enid Blyton's Malory Tower or St Clares series that you might possible of read before those who had it in for Enid removed her books from libraries in England tossed in with the boyish wit of Jennings of which I read a lot at the time.

Her portrayal is very similar to my experience in that it's a multifaceted thing because you are part of a social unit who live and breathe together for all of the time so everything is that much bigger. The good and the not so good.

If you live away from people as I did it's a great thing because you have a ready made supply of playmates available from daybreak to sunset from different backgrounds plus my family had issues amongst themselves (they still do sadly) so it provided a bit of an escape from them.

I suppose the first thing to say when I arrived was there were more boys so when the first morning had began it obvious the head boy had rather more to 'take care of' trying to settle in so standing very nervously by the wall, the Head Girl puts her arm through mine and says "I'm Jo and I'll take care of you".

This leads to the biggest tear stain heart to heart ever as I explain what stuff is like at home and why I really hate how I looked to the point of hurting myself deliberately (we'd call it "self harming" today) all with a vocabulary of a nine year old as my English wasn't terribly good then. She doesn't really understand it all but says she'll help me which is good enough.

By a stroke of luck while the individual Dorms are gender separated, they alternate along one long corridor so you could see them about and talk in the common room or in the grounds.

By a bit of persuasion I was able to get to play netball and rounders with the girls as I wasn't much good at rugby or cricket and swimming was mixed.

In my school, the  Dorms for us held about 3 or four to one room in which  which you can put up some of your own things such as posters, action man figures and you could have your own tv and tape player.

In the evenings the Subbuteo table was out and all us boys would be around it going hell for leather to make our teams players win which was little different from the recess football matches we'd start and inevitably send the ball on to the flat roof to the consternation of our headmaster.

If you wished although in the common room where you could read watch tv and have drinks before getting dressed for bed and lights out. No talking ever after lights out!!

Generally we could play in our dorm, the hall, outdoors in good weather under supervision, in in our common room although that's where we'd listen to music mainly in and sometimes we could arrange activities such as cubs or school would take us out to places like the movies or the theatre especially when we were older.

The other side of being in a boarding school was you had to accept this space had rules and you had staff who would see you looked after yourself when it personal appearance and hygiene because that was their responsibility.

We also wore uniform outside class grey skirts for girls or trousers or at a push depending on the staff shorts for boys like me with grey or red jumpers and white tops -nothing really fancy (I'd of loved a blazer!) which I didn't mind cos at least nobody was able to be nasty about clothes you had.

If I was lucky the girls would make me over in a skirt and white pereline socks which was marvellous.

The first thing you learned in your first term as that the 'social ground rules' were different, so If anyone said anything catty regarding another it would last well beyond communal mealtimes and 'broadcasting' your thoughts willy nilly or making wild accusations was a very silly thing to do cos the group would be upset for ages and you couldn't escape it.

You'd pretty much have to apologize to the person and the group and take whatever sanction they'd apply so we all could move on and you could be spanked by the staff during the day and for certain things outside school hours.

In hindsight that was the best training for using the internet ever ('Everything seen cannot be unseen') as well as being very useful in large organizations dealing with group issues.

So you see my school experience was actually pretty good not because of some big edict from above but just from being flexible and showing compassion.

Keep Fit and Time To Swing

As a child like most we had PE (Physical Exercise) which was never the most popular thing on the subject list. 

Most of time it would involve things such as doing press ups and generally strengthening our muscles and improving the range of movements we could do using our joints

Sometimes I just miss that PE master or Miss pushing me on!

This said I do exercise a bit even now having back problems and issues with posture generally to help my condition

Getting back into the swing of outdoor exercise such as walking and bit of basic mat PE style exercise indoors like press ups to keep my muscles working something like that with my disabilities it's very good idea to do - and we have rain for much of the week!

So guess what it does? yes, buckets down. Grrr!

Never mind I have a new pair of exercise shorts to wear ready for when the downpours and strong winds stop.

This was my life, a life I loved as much as disliked the difficulties and prejudice of I endured in my youth.

To me the park was this magical place, a place that had things but you added to that from what was within you, your imagination, and boy did I have an imagination!

We created and played games there carefully observing the rules and for the most part at least always looked out in case someone felt uncomfortable in the game we were playing.

If I was feeling a bit low, then another would swing me having talked me on to getting on that swing and it wasn't too long before my face was dressed with a smile as I just loved that rocking back and forth motion. 

To be honest I'd just love to be swung right now if the truth be known.

There was a slide probably made from aluminum or steel that you had to climb several steps to place yourself with your bottom on the edge and start that gushing great sliding motion down to the very end. Whee! I just loved it!!!

Gaining confidence

As a child I lack confidence in part through my disabilities but very much to do the miss-mash between my developmentally disabled side and the rest of me, feeling very much like an alien trapped in a world that neither understood me or would allow me to be myself as much as I tried to adapt.

One thing that did  work for me oddly enough was being taught to swing from a rope  that was on a climbing frame which I had never climbed. 

In fact my parents I feel were too timid and just projected fear as the response to the very idea. 

However at school they got me on that frame starting from the bottom and even crawling along the top and then introduced the rope to me!

It was scary but having found a way to grip it well, I leaned to climb it and swing rope between my legs going form side to side and then to swing and get on the other side of the frame to climb.

They made a stronger child out of me

It did me the world of good  and is one of my fondest memories of childhood PE.

A window on the past

This project has been a good few years in the making from the heady days of 2004 when I first saw Friends Reunited, joining up in time for the New Year of 2005, finding people from my past schools I hadn't heard much from ages and talking freely about how that boy felt in the classroom as much as what we're doing and where we are living now.

Words that were used were "unforgettable" and "inspiring" and many others that I'd of never of put in any narrative about me cos back then the thin line between acting in "code" and just acting on your natural impulses could of led to people losing respect as I moved from being pretty okay with being a boy and being with boys to the misunderstood points that aligned with the having this feminine side and needing to have a connection let that side out.

It appears decades on that people "got" that and actually respected  how that side made me different. Some used what slim opportunities to the max which were available to help me let that out by letting me in what were otherwise all female spaces and others would find unoccupied storerooms and switch my trousers for the girls uniform skirt as we tried to uncover what was actually me.

That era had its confusions as much as today other peoples attempt to own narratives about them lead to pushing those of us who aren't transgender out of the variance which ultimately male or female a good number of us are.

They knew I was very much a feminine boy who liked to wear skirts and had this feminine side rather than "being" a girl, in so many ways more the boy version of girls world of the Tom Boy who liked being a girl too even if she had a masculine side.

I'm happy using the term Little Sissy Gurl to denote the difference as that child-like non sexual me from any adult "sissy" meanings.

Those of us in that mix own us and the way we take it into our lives.

Littlesness

As you may have gathered from reading this blog so far, I do like reading, indeed always loved reading as a child back then although I always struggled with books intended for teens and over cos I'm both dyslexic and have developmental disabilities.

I always been little and never more than middle from that whole period when my peers became adolescents and apart from the purely physical I didn't, being the younger child by a few forms of my form, being their younger sibling who needed to be looked out for and even to a point sheltered from what were the social norms of my class.

I may as far as the law of land goes be an adult but in all of respects i most certainly am not nor will be.

I don't role play a child, I am one mentally in adult body who just dresses like I actually am albeit in short trousers or dresses but always a little sissy gurl.

Little Sissy Gurls (LSG's) like real children have nothing to do with more groan up sexual stuff and are just more prissier feminine child-like sissies of a boy heritage, having the sense to see really they were never socially a boy.

School uniformed life

This kind of uniform with blazer over shirt, tie and shorts was very much a part of my own experience as a child because this was what boys generally wore to school. You cannot help but notice it just doesn't compliment their appearances but it looks very smart as well as defining you a school boy while in the way the girls look smart in their skirts..

Older boys tended to wear long trousers and ankle socks from the 1970's onwards and girls today who are older wear opaque tights rather than knee socks.

I would not deny for one moment I would of liked to of had the option of wearing a grey box cut pinafore dress, matching socks and a blazer as my feminine gurl self but it wasn't to be.

Of course any part of being a school child included shared interests of which a big one is comics and for me it was the British Comic, the Beano with it's adventures that we shared especially in my boarding school.

Recently it has been celebrating its 70th anniversary with a special soft back magazine edition that I bought back in July and this exhibition.

Our train set

One of the biggest dreams a child has as they start to get older is to have a train layout of his or her very own with a proper electric controller, a good length of track and some scenery which the boy pictured has in the form of a picture to the side of his layout.

They will slowly acquire a selection of locomotives and rolling stock which he has a place to store them when not in use and maybe might build some kits of buildings plus make trees to go on their layout.

Mine was in the loft.  

Although I was raised as a boy, their was no reason as a gurl not to have one as girls do have trainsets today and as a sissy I just love steam trains and engines as much as boys and girls.

Sometimes two interests combine into one topic and that is very much what we have here as Andy and I were keen Stamp Collectors who like the thematic issues issued by Royal Mail at the time.

I also love trains and the big news in 1975 was the Advanced Passenger Train which promised to reduce journey times

Naturally every new train had boys and men wanting models to run on our model railways so manufacturers produced scaled replicas for us.

Sadly that service introduced locally being a major rail hub and a centre at the time for producing engines met more than its fair share of teething problems and was cancelled by the mid 1980's.

Tammy is a gurl who loves hur trains.

Team sports

One sport I liked at school was Netball which is traditionally associated with girls and girls only schools.

I am quite capable of playing Netball too and here the team are going on with the ball under pursuit.

Go,go, go!

The team pose for a picture.

In a good number of Primary aka combined infant and junior schools a mixed sex team is often fielded in competitions.

Boys normally wear a t shirt and shorts a bit above the knee although I prefer to wear a games skirt or skort myself being a feminine boy as would the girls all of us wearing bibs with our respective positions marked on it.

 Ready to throw the ball!
That's a great picture and is how I'd rather be dressed playing netball.

I love ball games running around as part of a team.

Long term issues from my boyhood

I can remember it well, in fact typing this is sending shivers down my spine but this kind of scene was not uncommon  when I was growing up in the 1970's .

It happened in North Wales in August 1978 while on my hols with family the day after the repeat screening of All You Need Is Cash a mockumentary by The Rutles, a kind of parody of the career of The Beatles.

We'd gone one evening with Daddy and Mummy, to a local park that included swings of the sort of construction these had, chains on aa plastic seat without any back.

Somehow I came off mid air and hit the asphalt and had to be taken back to where we stayed drifting in and out of consciousness for the best of ten hours, having to kept an eye on rota, mainly with Mummy.

When I did come out of it I was all in a daze and the first signs of what was to become apparent started to show being very much out of things and not remembering every day routines.

In time it was obvious to all I had been brain damaged by this accident and I have to say with no ill feeling, really I should been sent to paediatric section of the local hospital but perhaps there was more concern about how that would of ended my brothers own hols so they didn't.