Restoring the past

 

I've mentioned the past before on this blog and obviously part aim of this blog covers talking about the ideas I've had, the things and expressions of being a feminine boy and how I felt about as society has only been recent at a point it could entertain the idea we may not wish to conform for many could never conform to gender norms.

Of course things happened in that time that can be seen as missteps as we join and get involved with people that over time we find our central conception of what we are differs from even if to some superficially we my appear to be the same.

To me they're learning experiences like some of the groups at places like Experience Project where people would share and talk more about their innermost sides of this life with much less of the "echo chamber" that you find on places like Tumblr.

The whole maid thing was a thing with me around two thousand eight through to about two thousand twelve struggling then to find a cosplay type maids outfit that would fit a broad western sized body.

That with me was never the fetished "sissy maid" even if I could have submissive thoughts but more the visual aesthetics  of such an outfit and even performing more "maid like " functions such as keeping things tidy and clean rather than the sexual.

For those of us like that, being seen by some as being a "sissy maid" with all that stuff could and did take us out our comfort zone.

I still have those sides to me although I'm not so sure I could pull the look off as time goes on with my bodies looks but what I know is there's no point in me denying it.

A feminine gurl with a bow in their hair, a pair of cats ears and a maids outfit with long socks or stockings is a part of my conception of me.

Perhaps I may revisit that one day?

Updates and restorations

Well not been a great week to be honest but were are doing something pretty important in a good way which is restoring a big chunk of the old Tumblr which was the first I made in July of 2013 when I was working through my sex identity issues.

It's important with such an enterprise to look at the likely reasons to as there is no point just bringing something back to have it go again and this time there will be more of an all girlie theme running through although technically I am an adult schoolgurl by being a adult little feminine gurl who is age dysphoric remaining ten years old as some associate that with sex and bdsm too.

As I have other dysphoric tumblrs there is no need to make it all me plus I have survived the madness of social media over reactions, just more a continuation of what would of been in the TSB had it not been terminated to keep it contemporary as the other issue is the last years posts never got a external back up so there are no posts from most of 2019 into 2020.

I also found that actually sitting crosslegged on the floor in a dress felt better putting me more in that littles mindset than setting in lounge chairs so we'll have to learn to sit on the floor more often!

This last eighteen or so months has had lots of challenges and "zombie crazyness" in it and just as in some ways thing were getting a bit better for being able to see each other, travel a bit more and generally have more of a life we seem stuck in a world wide problem getting things to where they need to be and facing a energy crisis.

While all of this is a bit of a worry and some it's better to focus on what we can do and that is meet each others needs as people rather than the things we can't change ourselves, reaching out to anyone who appears to be struggling.

If you can, try to get out a bit and stroll, enjoying your surroundings, noticing what is going on rather being glued to your smartphone or laptop and talk with people even if it might be a simple hello.

Play games or do things that leave you feeling happy, content and are fun, ideally with others where you can which for those of us who are Smol ought to be easy but sometimes isn't and let your little person out.

Our wellbeing matters.

When it comes to updates we are making good progress on them although it has been an uphill struggle with things in the wrong order and the like on this blog.

Caregiver/little Age Regresion

It is a while since I wrote anything around age regression and one reason is connected to changes across Tumblr which as I'm usually want to say isn't always the whole real world (and some issues there are just Tumblr issues) but it acts as a conduit for debate and the marking of what people understand by it as if we don't share that, then it becomes a fruitless exercise.

My main community on Tumblr has been fairly inactive as it's mod (and leader) for personal reason has been away for a good nine months and the second one is very active and one area of that has been working on is what the shared understanding of what that is because the community (Cgl/RE) came about on the back of an influx of age regressors on Tumblr and the thorny area of some folk  interacting with kink bdsm communities such as DD/lg and MD/lb and gender variants when they were under 18.

 The term "Cg/l" is a disputed one being used by some clearly as a gender neutral term for a DD -Dominant Daddy-(or MD) Lg (or Lb) and  Little which in bdsm circles 'little' mean submissive or totally subservient person in a relationship.
Some have used it a more as a paternal, non dominate and non sexual Caregiver and Little meaning the person being very much in child-like frame of mind and looked after more as an actual child.

I especially on Tumblr don't use Cg/l as a term because kink usage is more common place so it would be seen as that and so use Cglre to describe the relationship between a Caregiver and age regressor (little) because it is clearer there is no question of dominance, power exchange nor sexual services involved.

In face to face so-called real life interactions these important differences tend not to cause too much friction because people can sense what the context is and do respect differences.
On Tumblr that's very much another story and where people find things under key words called 'tags' a difference can lead to people being exposed to things they don't wish and in particular under 18's seeing or interacting with 18+ kink things. That's so not good!!!

That was why distinct Age Regression communities removed from kink/bdsm were established there to separate the more 18+ communities from those of us who love or for me certainly need to be in a more child-like age regressed  situation while acknowledging words can be a battle ground.

It was a part of the solution to the issue on Tumblr of 'minors in kink' and the many worrying things that could happen when adults in kink were mixing with minors as there now  was a  non kink sfw space available for them who found such regression helpful in dealing trauma and so on.

My involvement as anyone who has read this blog and interacted on line or even -gasp! - face to face knows has always been the second meaning of Cg/l  and ADULT paternal Carer/Caregiver to a Little child-like me and  so has moved to terms more clearly linked the age regression community in the years since setting up that tumblr.
It's one reason I align strongly to the Cgl/re community on Tumblr from its emergence in July 2016 and it is that community that is currently more active.

Cglre is now defined as:

• A non-kink age regression community separate from cgl by making it age regression specific.
• Reclaiming the terms “caregiver” and “little” as non-kink terms anyone can use to describe their regression and their guardians if they have them, meaning the one who cares for them in their regression headspace.
• Age regression community open to caregivers and age regressors; as well as pet regressors and different roles with many new, sfw corresponding tags.

Cglre now has a stricter DNI policy as many of its members do NOT allow direct cgl interaction.
Cglre no longer equals cgl. It is not longer a subset of cgl, it stands on its own.

(Borrowed as is from @cglreregression block list post May 2018)

For me it's always been thus even in throws of much discourse mirroring the off line so-called in real life side surviving the three weeks of turbulence of the Care Bear logo'd community before that parting of the ways  I'll draw a line under.

For me the current understanding of what Caregiver Little age regression is a significant  step forward making clearer the difference between how we do things and how those in kink and its related age play do.

That's why getting close to the two year anniversary of CGLRE's founding  I find myself ever closer to that community online and its values across my age regressed life.

The management of online boundaries is often more problematic than face to face ones  and an active system of monitoring of community only tags and community blocklist for people who just won't keep their kink to themselves or insist on including you in it without any prior contact is a must and Cglre provides that to the point I had to use that last Monday.

Whilst I presently remain just very close  to Cglre on Tumblr unless anything were to happen soon, when you're at the point you act almost as if you are in a community, there comes a point I feel where it makes more sense to join, taking a part in it and I may well do just that.

Wednesday media round up

There's a few things I'd like to talk about before my next entry sometime next week and I think the first thing is I enjoy light hearted social interaction, it may be a laugh and a joke on a Status update, a journal or say in a chat room.
This week I've been enjoying writing and taking turns in a role play story exploring an imaginary world we're based on  with friends having an adventure we make up as we go along letting our inner child talk and play in much the way in real life as children we would of done which is more my idea of fun than anything more grown up and what this age regression thing is about in all honesty.
I sometimes like to write short stories or extracts  of a fictional regressed persons life or a few others sharing time together pretty much for the same reason, exploring what  it means, finding it it very calming.
I saw something earlier this week on Tumblr that caught my attention that can be paraphrased as why do you make a point of looking at another possibly an ex communities site when it irritates you and there is nothing you can do about it?
It's a fair question given how things with one community got with me. You may think maybe they'll change almost miraculously with a message saying everything is back to where it  was before or what it was that irritated you but in reality that isn't going to  happen.
I'm stopping obsessing over that communities  home page as it just isn't healthy for me and instead focus on going forward with the community I'm a part of instead, a community that has given me a second chance and hope when I so badly needed some.
I have what I need at hand, I just need to engage more with it  and learn to leave the past behind.

Recentring

 

It's the start of the morning here so I thought I'd  make a bit of a start on this weeks entry working through the various things on my mind.

I think the first thing to say is I feel more vulnerable emotionally today than I have for a good many years between the feelings brought out from the previous week, the never ending inter communal supremely childish discourse on Tumblr losing a couple of followers, having a remove and I'm blocking you for being in the "wrong" community as defined by them order and having our age regression  questioned by an exclusive group of ...age regressors!

Toss in the English FA youth soccer investigation into abuse by a man who lived but 100 yards away from me from whose face I can still recall with a shudder and you get the picture,eh?

I just feel very much in need of a hair rustling and a hug, just to know everything will be okay and in fact I'll just colour and play with my stuffies I think cos that'll help recentre me to a point I feel good rather like the "Restore" point on a Windows computer helps when the software don't work right you restore the operating system to a earlier point where it does!

Looking out watching the snowfall during the Winter months was always a thing I loved doing the Winter months as the intensity of the bluey-white snow was just so intoxicating, as you saw it fall mounds that later on you would make into snowmen or have playful  snowball fights with.

That's what I really need now.

Sharing the magic of the season, learning to embrace it's possibilities when suitably attired (snow pants anyone?) the zest for a positive approach for life can be nurtured

That for me always was and is where age regression was at rather than anything really adult and why generally things had been running that much better for me over the last few years cos I worked more with what's right for me rather than performing an act of impersonating others and falling badly when the real life developmental issues plowed into reality, leaving me an emotional mess.

I may not be around some sites as much as had but I think this is really what I need is to switch off from all that adult negativity.