Restored past

 

There have over the decades been a number of attempts to explore and while doing so communicate this whole life from contributing to other peoples posts having a Tumblr and even a full on blog or two at Wordpress and at Blogger.

Finding the right style and feel however has always been an issue as some sites were more around the adult side of  being pretty explicit  while others while being more around being little would take umbrage even at mentioning the word "Sissy" as what that meant to them was at odds with how I felt.

The little side has always been with me despite attempts to push other more popular in the current climate agendas and ideas around identity and that's not just all about clothing; presenting is much broader than that even.

In the end You are not what you are wearing although that may well reflect you, it is in how you feel, how you come over to others and in that I am more like a oversized child and am more comfortable wearing what that child would with their cute and frilly touches, happy to be in that world.

The period last year when I was very unwell reflected that in as much as I was planning to be away with others and as I was tidying up recent I came by the things bought to taken with me in my case like schoolgurl underwear and new unworn skirts.

It's not that there isn't an adult side, it's that it has it's own space when they wish to come out and enjoy more adult style submissive activities when the opportunity arises.

Good gurl

After mulling this one over for a long period I decided to just do it and be damned.

See I had and have a Fursona, that is at say an Anthro "Furry" side that channelled a "Inner Cat", knowing some others in the UK who are also furry and so originally in July 2012 I came out as Furry and opened an account at the site Fur Affinity to follow them and write more Anthro centric journals that would be read just by that audience.

That account had an issue some five or more years ago that stopped it from running properly for along period and unexpectedly came back to life a few years so after a bit I resumed it but there was an issue that went back to the start.

As far as human gender identity went I was being pushed in many different directions and to use lots of different and contested terms and at that point I was pushed toward seeing myself as a female even if didn't wish for the status of an adult female: A Woman.

Over time it has become clearer that not only had I no interest in transition, only affording the adult side of being a female where I don't even see myself as mentally at least an adult and also as Little so curves and more adult activities are not front and centre.

That was reflected within those journals, back and forth, people blocking you off for disagreeing their own takes especially around things like "The Third Sex" and terms like "Sissy".

That's why I tore that down and established TammyGurl, going openly as Little Sissy Gurl and CatGurl not Little Girl and CatGirl, yes the "sissy" terms denoting being neither Girl or Boy by Gender but allied with a more feminine kind of Girl, she'd see as too full on.

A "Sissy" but from a Littles, child-like angle, talking about both the anthro and littles side just being honest about me.

I could of tried denying this until I'm blue in the face but this is so me.

And that's the truth

A little around the history of this blog

 

There has been a number of attempts of having a blog over the years, this being in most respects the most successful of the bunch be they on a dedicated blogging platform, through journalling options on various social media sites or whatever.

Some had been very specific in terms of focus, one for instance was around more kawaii influenced toys and technology, another more purely interests and a very short lived one that looked at gender ID but for me I always found a magazine format tended to work best allowing me to explore a topic, move on when we've said enough for now and then  return when there's more to be said.

For me that keeps up that interest that when reading other peoples I really look for, something that is lively, topical, not looking that the person just dragging a series of posts out when taking more time between them they could of been so much better.

That this blog has been going as long as it has while staying fairly fresh in terms of content and layouts is testament to that although a longstanding publishing issue is now resolved which should help in the long term, not least when using my chromebook.

The odd thing on the template has been tidied up over the years but that's about it.

That's a part of what we're working through and should be completed soon.

Updates and restorations

Well not been a great week to be honest but were are doing something pretty important in a good way which is restoring a big chunk of the old Tumblr which was the first I made in July of 2013 when I was working through my sex identity issues.

It's important with such an enterprise to look at the likely reasons to as there is no point just bringing something back to have it go again and this time there will be more of an all girlie theme running through although technically I am an adult schoolgurl by being a adult little feminine gurl who is age dysphoric remaining ten years old as some associate that with sex and bdsm too.

As I have other dysphoric tumblrs there is no need to make it all me plus I have survived the madness of social media over reactions, just more a continuation of what would of been in the TSB had it not been terminated to keep it contemporary as the other issue is the last years posts never got a external back up so there are no posts from most of 2019 into 2020.

I also found that actually sitting crosslegged on the floor in a dress felt better putting me more in that littles mindset than setting in lounge chairs so we'll have to learn to sit on the floor more often!

This last eighteen or so months has had lots of challenges and "zombie crazyness" in it and just as in some ways thing were getting a bit better for being able to see each other, travel a bit more and generally have more of a life we seem stuck in a world wide problem getting things to where they need to be and facing a energy crisis.

While all of this is a bit of a worry and some it's better to focus on what we can do and that is meet each others needs as people rather than the things we can't change ourselves, reaching out to anyone who appears to be struggling.

If you can, try to get out a bit and stroll, enjoying your surroundings, noticing what is going on rather being glued to your smartphone or laptop and talk with people even if it might be a simple hello.

Play games or do things that leave you feeling happy, content and are fun, ideally with others where you can which for those of us who are Smol ought to be easy but sometimes isn't and let your little person out.

Our wellbeing matters.

When it comes to updates we are making good progress on them although it has been an uphill struggle with things in the wrong order and the like on this blog.

New Year Thoughts

It is the New Year so we often look at the old year and what we wish for the new  and to me outside of an end to Covid it is really a better and wider understanding of what being LSG is.

The extent to which and to what those of us who do dress and may be feel more like a feminine boy are regarded in society is at one level a personal thing.

For some it is little more than a sense of re-enactment wearing the attire, typically a school uniform that connects with your childhood past where you might explore or otherwise 'play' scenes from your past gaining enjoyment from doing just that.

For others such as myself there is a strong sense of "the eternal child" in many respects emotionally and mentally in a child's mindset that even if you took away that uniform, would still be there.

With me it also links to having a disability where I am permanently child-like having the development of an actual child which is fixed and is therefore not something that one could switch off from.

Everything for me stems from that child's mind in a adults physical body so it isn't 'pure' regression with a point you enter into it and can exit and even less can it be considered age playing where for some brief and specified period I 'become' that little and then go into full adulthood.

I always am it.

I generally prefer to call myself an Adult Little as that is just it with nothing involving being 'little' with any kind of sexual relationship or bdsm connections.

It doesn't matter how I present, I am still that little.

Actually it is quite fine to be coming from things from whatever angle actually applies to you.

Wednesday media round up

There's a few things I'd like to talk about before my next entry sometime next week and I think the first thing is I enjoy light hearted social interaction, it may be a laugh and a joke on a Status update, a journal or say in a chat room.
This week I've been enjoying writing and taking turns in a role play story exploring an imaginary world we're based on  with friends having an adventure we make up as we go along letting our inner child talk and play in much the way in real life as children we would of done which is more my idea of fun than anything more grown up and what this age regression thing is about in all honesty.
I sometimes like to write short stories or extracts  of a fictional regressed persons life or a few others sharing time together pretty much for the same reason, exploring what  it means, finding it it very calming.
I saw something earlier this week on Tumblr that caught my attention that can be paraphrased as why do you make a point of looking at another possibly an ex communities site when it irritates you and there is nothing you can do about it?
It's a fair question given how things with one community got with me. You may think maybe they'll change almost miraculously with a message saying everything is back to where it  was before or what it was that irritated you but in reality that isn't going to  happen.
I'm stopping obsessing over that communities  home page as it just isn't healthy for me and instead focus on going forward with the community I'm a part of instead, a community that has given me a second chance and hope when I so badly needed some.
I have what I need at hand, I just need to engage more with it  and learn to leave the past behind.

Snowed in musings

It's a bit of a snowy day here so while I had anything in particular mapped out for today's entry I thought I might as well make use of being stuck indoors.

There are a few things I am going to be talking about, one is how comments and entries not just on my blog, although as ever so long as they're fit to be printed I'm always happy for people comment on it.

I think there's a difference between talking about something, it might be drawing , an article or a story and what you feel about it and where it is about some technical aspect of it such as missing a small matching bit off a picture or perhaps not the ideal shade of a colour  in picture or a spelling or punctuation mistake in a written piece.

I think we're familiar enough  being set a task at school or college, handing it in  and being graded on it perhaps to the point of a written comment being made the sorts of things I can think of would be "Needs new paragraph", "Should be in red" or even as I had in school "See me" when I didn't really feel like putting much effort into things and things came out of draws *cough*.

Anyway that's fine and dandy for formal learning and yes even I increasing recognize the value of that and being expected to put more thought into things so we go improve in what we're doing but when we do things just for ourselves as shared "For fun" thing is that the right way to go about it?

Rather than leaving a string of comments about technical errors we can easily correct forever marring it, shouldn't we message or email any  points or suggestions that that person can put aright so while they do learn as we need to from our mistakes, our masterpiece isn't left  cluttered up by them?

The other really is how the age dysphoric side of my life runs in tandem with being a feminine gurl so they way in which I present as that gurl comes from that past, being as a schoolboy in the school system but more able than I was at the time to let it all out.

It can be in things such as wearing school uniform but with a pleated skirt more than short trousers although I don't have big issue with them but back then they were all you had, my play clothes or in say my interests such as say colouring in my Frozen colouring book or re-reading some of the classic girls school stories.

Everything in this life connects to those days of yore even if some of way we do things like using mobile phones to let friends know we are there rather than red telephone boxes and using computers to access the internet  are different.

The basic purpose is the same it's just that time has moved on and you can't live in 2016 as you did in 1977 totally.

It's just that you're living more in tune with the spirit of that age and making new childhood memories that help overcome some of the not so great ones of the past. 

New Year thoughts

We are exactly a year on from the launch of the New Blog here after getting a taste for blogging at Friends Reunited in 2005 having remade boyhood friendships to people lost to past events that we weren't personally in control of even if we felt they were right ones personally for us.

After setting this blog up I did dual post for a period at fr/cthekissfan/ but then found it better to just leave a link to this, in effect putting on hold but the change to the site since Itv buying seems to have put people off.

For me finding that site coincided with escalating mental health problems which lead me to look back at where they were from, what the site was good for such as finding things about your school, your college , picking up from that dropped past and identifying the missteps.

For me it is that the attempt to mask developmental disabilities through engagement with some of least impaired parts of my functioning lead to me being in social situations I could not cope with because whatever abilities I had understanding a topic, the person standing there remained a child, running an authority, trying to chair a meeting with adults who were not pulling their weight. And no teacher to ask to step in.

That whole angle started from a forth form interest in current affairs through to A and O levels in the usual subjects to a career in politics which ignored my inability to cope to the point I had a nervous breakdown.

This site started with a single and for some uncomfortable premise which is to deal with that whole problem as far as is possible I have to, I even need to, hand back the demands and strains of adulthood I cannot cope with because of my disabilities and resume the status, limits and care of being a child.

To function with stability I need to be put back into the setting of a child, handling what mentally and psychologically I am capable of, protected from and cared for all else.

I also need to be able go with my feminine side however that comes out because that was always a part of the boy me back then as restricted as the opportunities were back then as part of my recovery

This little is being put back into short trousers and junior girls skirts under adult authority to allow me to find my point of regression playing with my toys as I lose my adult status.

That's what 2007 holds for me.

My New Years Resolution is to allow myself to spoken to, treated and handled as child by Adults.