Thoughts on leaving Junior school

This is being written while I recover from a damaged ankle which is very painful but this time of year often sees me thinking back in time to past events not least my past boyhood.

I recently saw this picture one presumes taken late summer last year of a "Year Six) or to me J4 leavers service of the sort we had as part of the process of transition that had included visiting for a day a secondary school the majority of the year group would transfer to, writing up about the subjects we'd taken in Junior school and a service.

Actually, to tell you the truth when I saw this picture I did feel a bit sad actually because for me, Jacqueline and a few others it was the point we realized  we would be at the margins of the group because we wouldn't transfer with them and as you countless know, daytime school groups transfer over to things like sports groups, the "Youth Club" and so on resulting us being marginalized.

For me it was near total because I was going to boarding school so daily after school contact in a pre-internet age was non existent so the few I did manage to keep in contact with through things like the Methodist Chapel do matter and some those contacts have been maintained through 'adult' positions in the community like being a Council Chairman or involved in other groups that paradoxically put me in positions of some real stature in this community that the others didn't get around to.

On Monday, I was about when I called over a friend l know who was living at his fathers old house here and to which I'd know backward from the days we'd call on each other to play and we got talking about how each other was and that.

He was one of six I had regular contact with over the years and that was when I realized that as unfortunate as that break was as a J4 leaver, actually I hadn't really lost anything of value because those friendships still remain right now. It is a part of how we relate to each other. 

Our first school trip to London

Seeing school is out I thought I'd write an account of a junior school trip

One thing I do remember is the J2 school trip to London.

We started off with our teachers and the excellent headmaster, Mr. Smith and some parent helpers on the chartered coach where we all were put into pairs and the first tellings off would start for such breach of school rules as having ring pull cans of pop.

It wasn't always our fault: Your folks would put in your bag for you oblivious of School Rules.

We'd arrive getting off to the sound of "Sir, Keith's bag is dripping, sir" as he'd put fizzy pop in a container the pressure of which had blown the plastic lid off, putting our hands over mouths as mercilessly we laughed at his predicament. Thankfully his sandwiches were triple wrapped so he still had something to eat.

Eventually  we'd be frog marched to the underground (aka The Tube) subway to make our to the Tower of London going on a guided tour having been head counted to ensure nobody got lost.

The Underground is super busy even outside the rush hour.

We saw the Beefeaters, making up spontaneous corny jokes about them and the 'bloody tower' with Traitors Gate enjoying hearing about how they killed. We weren't screamish.

We went into the Science Museum first having been given an hour and three quarters to look around while the staff and helpers went in the café there. 

Perhaps we'd driven them crazy?

I went to look at the exhibits about radio and photography while one group went to look at the exhibits about time and ironically we lost one boy, the one in that group WITH a watch as he was so absorbed with time he'd both not realized it was time to go AND he's not noticed his group had left him!

He got a flea in his ear for that! I'm afraid we didn't have much sympathy for him as we could of lost time to go other places.

We found a spot to have our sandwiches in the sun.

We went to visit the Natural History museum  meeting Dippy our favourite Dinosaur as we were fascinated by them although I did look at the Big Cats and Birds before going to Rene's Cafe where we'd a pre-booked fish and chip tea to eat as our Headmaster looked on shaking his head to the helpers at the number of us who didn't know how to eat with a knife and fork.

After then we walked passing Soho that was seen by us as 'dodgy' and today I'd call seedy at the time back to the coach for trip home here in the Midlands.

The chilling little style of this Sissy Gurl

Well a few things I had planned to do are off so I might as well get today's blog done.

One of things I recall thinking about heaps was about everything that would happen after the last period of afternoon school finished. 

When I went to day school it was kind of easy in that you'd pair off with a few friends and call in at the neighbourhood store to select some sweets to share while you talked about the day and what you thought of Master x's lesson.

At boarding school we had it back in the dorm but because tea was early it was frowned on as it 'spoilt your tea' so you'd leave them for later or weekends.

I have always loved lollipops still walk around the curb licking them that speaks volumes about me I guess.

Actually I have a pinafore dress not a million miles like that of the girl on picture and used to read while sucking on a lollipop so perhaps one way to visualize me is think of that little at least in spirit if not in dress. 

Tammy will wear their dress from now on as a adult little and accepts his sissy gurl side.

The only thing that matters is having fun reading and sucking your lollipops.

Link:Lollipops

The Naughtiest Girl

This post has be coming to me this morning where I'm poorly laying across the new Duvet in my school uniform, so do bear with me.

Off and on, I've made reference to the books I read during my chronological childhood some of which I owned, some borrowed off friends or via the library of the boarding school I attended.

A few were more girls schools stories but most were for boys and girls or boys own.

Indeed you may of spotted a few entries here about books by Enid Blyton that come in that category and how I've got new copies not least the second but last entry around St Clare's that with this rotten cold I'm reading, something that is a direct echo of my childhood in times when I read books in my dorm or the sick bay.

I recently got though a most interesting addition again an older edition with original illustrations that has taken me back with some startling observations.
With the final three in one volume of St Clare's (Back to St Clare's) was another three in one book.

This was a 1992 edition of first three The Naughtiest Girl stories (Naughtiest girl again, Naughtiest girl is a Monitor and Naughtiest girl in the school).

The stories are set in Whyteleafe, a progressive co-ed boarding school that some feel has a striking resemblance to Summerhill school in Suffolk, England.

The main character is Elizabeth who you could say is a very spoilt child used to getting her own way often running with unchallenged ideas so much so she resolves to behave so badly she can't avoid being expelled from the school she never wanted to go to. 

The secondary character is her best friend, Joan Townsend, who tries to get her to behave which by the time Elizabeth realizes how lonesome she was as a only girl, she gets more onside with the other children and  is less of a problem to the staff.

Here's an earlier cover from one of the separate books:

Now the first think upon quickly skimming the book was I saw my age reflection in how she dressed in the original illustrations although obviously I am a sissy gurl as much as I was dressed as a boy back then.

She's around nine or ten years of age as are the boys who dress in shirts, shorts as much as I'd of loved to had worn a skirt and long socks so the first thing I am thinking is, *Something* around this age is lodged in me as I'm not a senior. 

The second  is that smile as she's doing things like flirting ink about - it comes to me that around this age I did some similar things with ink and it's her awkwardness is causing this lashing out as oddly enough it did for me.

The boy stood by E.A stood on her right of this original illustration is the image of that era of my life, meeting together with satchel and naturally full uniform.

One interesting aspect of the Whyteleafe school is that the children have meetings where they dole out pocket money (everyone has a certain minimum  because it is pooled and the case for more has to be accepted by the others first) and also they deal with infractions dishing out punishments which the Monitors have the power to as Elizabeth is reminded of when she acted silly.

In practise, in my school head boys and girls also did although it wasn't formally set up - effectively they stepped in and if didn't accept whatever the outcome was, it was reported to the staff.

On one  particular day I did do something really silly like get going calling one girl rotten names and it got a bit out of hand, as does some of Elizabeth's silly things but unlike it being raised at a Meeting it was dealt with in private.

Like Elizabeth I got better after that as I learned to fit in better with people, having my rough edges smoothed and even became a year rep, greeting very important people which does help when as now I have to do groan up things.

Having this book has reminded me of the distance I've travelled emotionally, the difficulties I've overcome in the past through learning to be more mature in how I deal with situations. As well, it affirms what Tammy remains deep down - a little sissy gurl only just in double digits - and no one least of me should ever forget it.

A window on the past

This project has been a good few years in the making from the heady days of 2004 when I first saw Friends Reunited, joining up in time for the New Year of 2005, finding people from my past schools I hadn't heard much from ages and talking freely about how that boy felt in the classroom as much as what we're doing and where we are living now.

Words that were used were "unforgettable" and "inspiring" and many others that I'd of never of put in any narrative about me cos back then the thin line between acting in "code" and just acting on your natural impulses could of led to people losing respect as I moved from being pretty okay with being a boy and being with boys to the misunderstood points that aligned with the having this feminine side and needing to have a connection let that side out.

It appears decades on that people "got" that and actually respected  how that side made me different. Some used what slim opportunities to the max which were available to help me let that out by letting me in what were otherwise all female spaces and others would find unoccupied storerooms and switch my trousers for the girls uniform skirt as we tried to uncover what was actually me.

That era had its confusions as much as today other peoples attempt to own narratives about them lead to pushing those of us who aren't transgender out of the variance which ultimately male or female a good number of us are.

They knew I was very much a feminine boy who liked to wear skirts and had this feminine side rather than "being" a girl, in so many ways more the boy version of girls world of the Tom Boy who liked being a girl too even if she had a masculine side.

I'm happy using the term Little Sissy Gurl to denote the difference as that child-like non sexual me from any adult "sissy" meanings.

Those of us in that mix own us and the way we take it into our lives.

Winter sports

I've always loved the Winter as cold as it often gets  not just for natural beauty but also for the many things you can do both inside and out on a Winters day.

One of my favourite sports to watch is Winter Skiing which is shown on the BBC as well as British Eurosport and it is sport many girls do take up although it is an expensive hobby to get into.

Off on the snow you really can move fast but it also requires good co-ordination too.

Here they are enjoying themselves in lovely girlish coloured attire, Who said girls can't ski or it's not feminine?

And why shouldn't sissy gurls like me go skiing in girlish winter sports attire?

The kickabout difference

The usual transgender narrative never applied as much as people tried to fix it to me because I definitely had an still have a more dominant feminine side that could slot into the very binary world I grew up in fairly well not having any dysphoria around my body nor what we wore.

The problem was more around other peoples attitudes.

I am physically disabled but played football as hard as it was for me to stay upright, concentrate on the action and generally get stuck in in all weather.

I got the hang of it even if my football boots needed another lad to fasten them for me and they developed a respect for me for having the guts and determination to just do it.

It didn't alter the fact I would want to play netball with the girls or that after a hard game I really needed some girls TLC for my injured feminine side rather than the gruff stoic stuff you got in the changing rooms.

It was the reverse of some of the girls who wanted a game at playtime but they boys wouldn't let them and other girls called them names.

I learned we actually had more in common as I got older.

It's why I see myself more as a little sissy gurl or a jane gurl than a transgirl.

Team Games III

Here go in the last of the current Team Sports series looking at the the time sports I loved  from Junior and High school.
Field Hockey

We're on the case of the ball!

Fielding, what you need to be good at.

My brother got sent off for hitting an opponent with his hockey stick on the field!

Overall view as the match is well underway. 

Girls playing the game and yes I'd sooner play in a games skirt or skort as a feminine gurl with them.

It's no wonder I've always followed the NHL don'tcha think?

Thoughts on arts and crafts

The chief focus of this blog was always around being assigned as a boy but being very very girlish and how that ran through my life as a child in school nominally seen as a "boy" and as time went on into exploring more that surpressed girlish side that has never really gone away.

As much as I had no issue with the short trousers I had to wear at school  I much sooner preferred to wear the girls uniform and take some lessons normally segregated along gender lines with them.

Arts and crafts was the area I loved even if I needed some help with bits as free from the frustrations of not understanding maths and the written word as a child with dyslexia, I could just express my thoughts and imagination though the creativity I had that wasn't so blighted by that.

To of done so in a school club dressed in pinafore dress and white socks would of been just magic for me.

At 14

Hi and welcome to a new exciting entry in my blog, which has going for a fair while now.
It took me me a bit of time to learn about  how to lay out an entry using the tools blogger  provides, captioning my entries as well as the discipline of making the entries on something like regular basis.

This is an slightly older me looking just about 14 very much as I recall it, older bit still very much presenting in school then as a boy sat at the desk looking smart in uniform.

At 14 We started studying for our 16+ exams  having decided with our teachers and parents what options for study subjects we were going to be taking although within reason they could be changed afterward.

I majored on the Humanities, studying Religious Education, Geography, History as well of English language, English Literature, Maths, Government and Politics and combined Science.I also took as a study only subject Geometric and Engineering Drawing, learning to draw in three dimensions as well as Craftwork, where I learned about enamelling, basic woodwork and made craft items from fabrics, card and glue.

Naturally being my school we still continued to play team games  such as Rounders as well as taking swimming lessons. 

In my head I still felt 12 however even though perhaps compared to today's youngsters we were less overtly grown up for not having the same push on branded fashion and sexuality.

I preferred shorts to longs, an uphill battle at boarding school in that era as that was what i felt most comfortable in although I did during this period try on skirts during recess and would of loved to of worn something like this.

I was just working on being sissy me.

Comics of my youth

We all read comics, sharing between each other sometimes from the school comic collection for rainy break times.

We read these comics whenever it rained in our junior school and we were unable to play as they were kept in a big cardboard box and shared at break time.
Roy of the Rovers was a boyhood hero.

The Beano was massive and we loved to see Soppy Walter battling it out with Dennis The Menace although Dennis's dad would spank him as we all were.

The Dandy was pretty big too and I just loved Winker Watson and his wanglers, Corporal Clogg and Brassneck and Korky the Cat.

Football was mega and still is and back then this was what we all raved about as boys in the playground pack I was a member of. 

Here's another long gone we read:

War, football and boxing stories were just what us boys wanted and how!

That one's now gone the missed Whizzer and Chips in a late 1970's edition.

There was however a big issue in this era and it was around boys who liked girls things and I did so want to read openly girls comics because they provided what a feminine gurl like me also loved.

You may of got away reading them in private if you had a sister or knew a girl who wouldn't let on did to your class not least other boys cos physical abuse and bullying was common then.

As you can see while I loved to read boy comics a half of me was missing following all my interests meeting my own needs and that's a crying shame.

Cricket

 

Cricket was something I heard a lot about in the era of Geoff Boycott although apart from playing the simplified "French Cricket" variant with my younger brother on hols in t shirts and short games shorts, I never did cricket.

The Two Mark's at boarding school were massively into it though memorizing the daily scores, watching by permission bits of the Test Matches on the common room tv during breaks or putting the radio onto BBC Radio Four test match special to catch up in that pre-internet era.

If I were to had played it, I'd sooner had done so in a games skirt or skort.

Some girls did play cricket usually at Prep Schools but that was very much a minority thing back then although that's starting to change.