Winter get together

After last weeks bit of a break, I am writing an account of how that six days and a bit spent at with friends went.

Really it is in some ways a bit like a spring or summers camp for actual children except it is for those 18+ who are in differing ways more 'like a child' and so completely non sexual.

It's really a place where many of us can let out amongst others our child-like selves and while to make the thing happen we hire a place and look after our own catering needs, outside of that we're in a child-like place, what I call 'Little Space' so we do activities and act from "the child within".

I got to my friends by train and a lift from the station which after an overnight stay a trip in their car.

One thing I do wish to comment upon is what you might wear because we all see and hear different things but the first thing to say is you don't have to dress any different because it's less about dress and more about that child within but different folk do things do things different some more infant others, more dressy and there some of us who wear things more like school or school age uniform depending how our little/middle side comes out.

In so far as it went with me, the first thing after taking my coat off at my friends was to get into my black pinafore dress as a adult litle gurl before having a cup of tea and getting one of my dollies out before getting on to helping to make our evening meal which was Lamb Chop, Mashed Potato and boiled Broccoli.

On the Saturday morning I helped with packing the car with not just our personal stuff but those things we had bought for for other people such as games and bread.

It took us about three hours thirty so we arrived around a quarter to three in the afternoon which happened to just in time for a "Bacon Butty" - literally cooked back bacon between bread - which as we'd eaten before half past nine in the morning was very much appreciated that we had with some cakes.

Shortly after that I set up my room, fixed a drink and rested until about a quarter to six as I soon get tired so normally take an afternoon nap until my friend called me because it was getting toward time to fix some food.

Most people having arrived by now also were fixing food but that involved ordering Indian food and collecting it but we decided to fix our own so I had get utensils out and peel potatoes for some mash with our steak pies, the best in the Midlands which was soon enough done.

One group activity we did was doing jigsaws three of them  although I think we met our  match with one based on Chocolates that we really struggled with  and the London Underground where we did get around 75% of it done but struggled with the masses of pure white bits that we couldn't slot in even though we knew they just had to.

On the Sunday a small Tatty Teddie was found outside my door and after a while it emerged so had everyone else as one group member had left them which I though was a lovely idea.

Something I and I think a couple of others did was colouring so it was as well I bought my pencils and one book although there were  other things to colour in to which I did as I find both relaxing and also helpful with my hand-eye co-ordination.

On a few days a group of us including myself decided to walk varying distances around the neighbouring countryside, being alert to the local wildlife, vegetation and the solitude enjoying being in the fresh air, feeling care free.

As well, that day saw a film show put on with Paddington Turns Detective, an assemblage of Donald Duck cartoons plus the Laurel and Hardy classic Help Mates that we enjoyed and her home made sound movie of a 1999 steam trip from Birmingham to Liverpool Lime Street which featured a few stations I am most familiar with. Ice Cream cones were served during the interval.

A little surprisingly that home made film was a hit with everyone!

There was a music quiz.

Tuesday saw a kind of Princess Hunt where you have to find them all to win a prize which was fun as rushed up and down the building looking everywhere for the princesses (and I mean everywhere including the Laundry!!!)

On the Wednesday we left after packing everything we'd taken with us and shared but because we needed to leave before mid morning several of us had done some packing before and generally tidied things up ready for the venues staff to come in and clean.

For me though this wasn't the end of this adventure after encountering  showers with temperatures around 2 degrees C  as we made our way toward Northamptonshire whereas it was really pretty sunny where we'd set off from we arrived back at my friends house.

After helping unload the car in two stages as it was a bit wet, the coal fire was lit and we had a cup of tea with cakes spending our time talking about the everything we'd all done and catching up on some tv such as Call The Midwife and The 2018 series of Great American Railroad Journeys travel documentary.

On Thursday I departed catching a train earlier than planned but itself delayed due to some incident at Birmingham that lead to one railway platform being taken out of use just as I had climbed part way up the stairs for it!

Thankfully getting the cab home at the other end was a lot more straightforward  and my driver was pretty talkative.

I had a fantastic time.

Time away

I was away with friends recently and here's some thoughts  from that period.

A good a start as any is to look at my emotions which as you all know have been all over the place with the permanent loss of one relative and sadly the living loss of uncle who is sleeping further and further into the Alzheimer's fog, struggling to recognize a soul.

In some ways at least it takes me back to how I was when I was Thirteen around the time my Grandpa died when I was sent around to keep an eye on him although in truth I felt way way out of my depth struggling even then look after myself never mind being expected to make (relatively) mature decisions when neither of us could understand each other but everybody else was going through the charade pretending this was okay.

I know, we all know, losing a close relative is a loss, and you do grieve for them but this memory is associated with feeling helpless, inadequate even and it's that which has been on my mind.

For me, being away was necessary because I needed to have mental and emotional space to process these thoughts and to do things that made me feel happy and whole again so just being focused more on play being away from the environment where all this hangs around cloud style was a must.

It also helped that those who I entrusted about what was happening were supportive, showing love and concern without smothering me so while being supported I could breathe while sharing and taking turns helped reconnect me as I am very prone to just shutting down when feeling overwhelmed emotionally.

One thing unexpected that happened was because the meet up this time was more laid back with less structured activity a few of us did feel not withstanding it was Winter to venture out of doors so we actually went on longish nature trails.

I found just being away from things, switching off to all other than the natural sounds,sights and smells helped  as we walked talked about various things although it was the case I did lose my footing and had to pulled up as my foot landed in mud and started to go sliding requiring my camera and shoes to cleaned !

We also encountered dogwalkers who actually were not phazed by seeing me in a dress and three-quarter socks along their travels and indeed one complemented me on my looks as friends with permission stroked the dogs!

While thinking a bit about where you might go makes sense avoiding extreme presentations, sometimes we set the bar in terms of what can be accepted higher than many are prepared to accept us as ourselves.

While out I also did some photography which usually helps relax me.

One thing I did talk about with member of the group who also has brain damage was how we do things, the things we do appear on the surface to cope with that leads others to think we don't have the needs we actually do.

This is something I do find a problem not least in trying to shop where staff are trying to upsell to you and make offers that I'm in no position to deal with leaving me in suspended animation and others seeing me struggle asking if you're okay because I haven't just frozen but have gone mute. I'd sooner have an official card I can show so I can treated more like a minor at the counter as my capacity in these situations is very much sub adult and in that respect I need 'protection'.

When I'm away I'm always 'looked after' in their words "I always treat you more like a child" and apart from the odd verbal reminder I did behave myself and helped out making what I was to eat and doing chores such as setting the table or loading the car ready to go.

They are quite firm with me around that whole area of having to assume some responsibility and play an active if of necessity limited role which was a bit of culture shock at first but is helping me do a bit more and find some self discipline.

I found the time away did help me think past those issues that were on my mind, finding more joy in more fun child-like things which is in so many ways where I remain ever the adult but child while the walking helped with developing and maintaining better fitness not just physically but also mentally too.

Jean Sibelius

The history of the Finnish composer Jean Sibelius's and my encounters with recordings of his works goes back to records from the 1960's and 1970's by the Austrian conductor Herbert von Kajaran for EMI and DG and in the early days of cd collecting,  I bought a four cd set by Simon Rattle and the City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra but felt much of that didn't get that deep into the compositions.

It also sounded very lean and flat.

For Christmas I got a new five disc set but on super audio cd that also plays on regular players of the six symphonies by the pioneering  orchestra owned  label Lso Live from MDT Classics in Derby.

 This replaced the six symphonies and added a part choral work Kullervo which usually occupies a whole disc plus The Oceanides and Pohojola's Daughter that had been issued over a few years on individual discs.

Coming in this form, it was also discounted meaning for little over £20 I could get a complete set in the very finest quality.

 Taking a look at it, what we have is a box with the discs in individual sleeves and a booklet but also included for those who have home theatre blu ray systems is audio only blu ray so if they don't have super audio cd equipment they can play them back in high resolution surround sound.

 While looking at how to take the core of my Sibelius collection to super audio cd for it's greatly superior sound, I spotted a recent record that was an ideal add on to that five disc set by Chandos.

It's a superb recording by the acclaimed violinist Jennifer Pike of his Violin Concerto that comes with six short works, "Tone Poems" that includes favourites like Finlandia, Valse Triste and the Karelia Suite on one very well filled disc.

The Bergen Philharmonic are noted for their recordings by the Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg but conducted by Andrew Davis are well in their element.

Finally to replace an older disc I had, I got this newer recording by Finland's Lahti Symphony Orchestra of the Lemminkainen Suite from which the "Swan of Tuonela" comes from coupled with the Wood-Nymph on BIS.

This resetting and upgrading in terms of sound and performances of Sibelius's work coupled with addition of a number of new compositions to my library has added to my appreciation of this composers work.

A well read gurl featuring Nancy in the Sixth

 Some hobbies or interests you may have reflect or may only of been possible in or possibly after a specific era such as following the "space race" or more recently using various forms of online social media that simply wasn't an option for this boy.

Reading though not without it's difficulties such as being dyslexic and having a limited vocabulary was however on of mine not least for being portable plus able to paused and resumed at will which in that era advantages over tv and movies.

We were fortunate to have in upper juniors a male teacher with a passion for literature, Mr Rangecroft, who apart from having us read, also read aloud in class to us cos it was and still is the case reading is seen as more a girls thing which as a boy I can tell you isn't something you want to be associated with!

One book we loved to read was  Emil and the Detectives by Erich Kastner  a German author who wasn't very popular with the Nazi's which was set in pre-war Berlin where being raised by his Mother alone Emil is sent to Berlin to give to his Grandmother her salary but encounters a man, Max Grundles along the way who gives him chocolate that sends him a sleep and when Emil wakes up the man and his money has gone.

The story is his adventure with other sometimes shady children trying to track down the man and bring him before the police

Another transitional book was Ian Serrillier The Silver Sword. It is the story a boy called Joseph in German occupied Poland who gets into serious trouble at the school after he turns on its back one of numerous pictures of the German Nazi leader, Adolf Hitler that gets him sent to a Prison Camp where breaks out of.

The story is about his family and other children caught up in the war and brutal Nazi treatment of the Polish people.

As well,  I thought it's time to return to our book series, Nancy at St  Brides/Maudsley and its heroine.

Originally written in 1935 it is a little more modern than the earliest adventures although we are still very much in a twentieth century mind set where girls would just wonder around woods by themselves with just a bike.

This picks up from The Best Bat although that was a mini novel and sees Nancy and her chums return as they thought to would be the Upper Fifth having taken their School Certificate examinations (a kinda precursor to the British GCE O levels people before 1987 took in the Fifth Form - aka Year 11 in post 1990's terms showing competence in the "Three R's" and other subjects ready to leave school for further study or employment).

I say that because we learn though family circumstances some who would of been in the Sixth left for overseas Colonies of our Empire such as South Africa, some to gain employment needed because their families faced lack  and others won scholarships to colleges and this meant the Sixth for this term would have precisely seven pupils which wasn't viable.

The Head Mistress, Miss Hale, sees actually her Fifth forms are unwieldy with rather more pupils than desirable and decides to move up those more academically capable in other respects mature members such as Nancy to the Sixth.

This is where the story proper begins because on the same day Nancy got moved up to the sixth she was promoted to a vacant prefectship triggering much trouble at Maudsley, their day school.

We learn about Clemency Walton's long standing jealous of Nancy that was triggered by a big misunderstanding that was not discovered until terms end and this jealous came to a head when the games committee proposed to make Nancy the captain of Cricket, this was far more than she could bear.

By the use of school gossip, not least the idea that an offer to play for the Lady Foresters cricket team had been accepted and to whom did play against Maudsley when in fact Nancy had not more for getting between work for the Guildry, Clemency manages to divert this honour -a mere formality given her cricketing and captaincy skills - from Nancy to herself.

But this isn't all in this story of jealousy running amok for Nancy had been down to play for an important school match encounters Ryllis Rutherford also of the the Sixth in something of a scrape offering her the use of her bike only not to make the match and facing being accused of 'cutting' it.
Clemency seizes her chance aided by the Second Form teacher who is the only other person with the final say on the team selection who is out of action with a cold, for malicious action to remove her from one selection and to call for practice sessions in away that Nancy would not of know and to which it would be easy to belittle her.

In the midst of this there is a scholarship -the Woodford-Leigh - for organ playing to which Nancy and Clemency are practising that requires a suitable instrument to practise on for  examination.

Clemency swaps days to use the organ at St Ninians church with Nancy which would be fine other than several stops of it were damaged which naturally upset their organist Mrs Patterson apart from requiring repair. 

Because of the day it occurred on, all involved conclude it must of been Nancy as the swap was only agreed between the two girls before Bijah, a junior, who had attended thinking she'd hear Nancy playing saw Clemency but fell asleep and was rescued by Mrs Patterson makes an unplanned intervention.

It was a chance remark by the new junior schoolgirl  while taking tea with Mrs Patterson talking about her dog, that she know Clemency was playing that very day that unmasked Clemency's refusal to own up and let Nancy take the blame for something she was not responsible for.

Clemency is demoted not just for her use of a rumour she knew not to be tested to get Nancy removed from the cricket captaincy and even for selection but even as a prefect for her underhand ways.

The sorts of issues are not even today untypical of school life or indeed in other fields where we observe others work against people either making unfounded accusations or letting them stand because however wrong they are (and they know it) it suits them to let it happen and not hold out for what is true.

The moral lessons set I feel still stand in Twenty-first century Britain.