Development has been a theme of this blog between the pages, intellectual, language but the emotional and psychological angles matter to in understanding why I'm me.
Part of the reason I'm shut down is because in my family to articulate why and that your are feeling is to unleash a cycle of emotional abuse with shouting, threats to withdraw thing, to put the house for sale and so on rather than to discuss them and look at solutions.
Faced with a threat to go out and kill a cat who was chasing a bird I screamed hysterically at the very thought of seeing a blood spattered cat before my eyes and all I get was being told if I carried on like this I'd have to leave.
Let's recap this: My dad threatens to murder an animal which is an offence and I am the problem for screaming hysterically???
No apology, nothing.
The lesson I learned was supress all emotions and feel nothing.
Plus Do I really care about your goddam feelings?
No he really didn't care about how I felt.
He'd slam doors turn up his stereo loud when he knew I had severe migraines and complain as if this was pity party act to just defy him and HOW EFFING DARE YOU?
Dont'cha know its all about me, me,me.
And they wonder why you never became an adult emotionally?
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