Presenting the school aged feminine gurl

I think at this point it is worth briefly recapping over the first few pages of this conversation around me

There was evidence that given a free reign I generally conformed to the gender roles and habits of a boy of my era even if a number of interests such as a liking of dolls to look after and collect and a love of flowers were untypical, being supremely uncool for a boy of the nineteen seventies.

I also had a liking for wearing skirts and dresses not as a girl but rather as a more feminine boy - let's just come out and say "sissy" - in a dress  and in today's language my gender - the social side aligned to sex - is wide than most and does fluctuate so really I'm more a feminine boy/sissy who is gender fluid even if I am happy with my biological make up.

While I was happy enough doing that, the influence of females such as my mother and "experts" in disability tended to lead to very passive, following risk adverse behaviour being encouraged and more boisterous play  being kept away from that only made it harder to integrate into the social world.

That was the crazy thing I could be this rough and tough boy in some things but driven towards the world of girls play in others.

However you wrap it up a  feminine/sissy boy like me needs to integrate both sides as we share one common body.

 

When it came to how I dressed - "presented" was not a word we used then I was always happy to wear the school uniform of a boy which in that era included a shirt, tie long socks, grey fairly short shorts and a matching jersey.

I loved my uniform as it was practical for what did as much as there were things I'd sooner of joined the girls with and had the option of wearing a skirt.

Unlike some people who see themselves as transexual, I never felt a sense of not want to or a need to be a girls so I never wanted present as if I were actually a girl.

It wasn't that I didn't feel like wear a girls uniform with a skirt or pinafore dress as much as  I liked being a boy even if navigating it with all those feminine influences and the lack of total immersion into the social world of boys had its ups and downs.

I just needed to be me and able to wear dresses when I needed to let my feminine side go.

The only kind of intense dislike and uncomfortableness with being myself I ever experienced was more at high school as I much preferred to wear grey shorts and not long trousers and ankle socks that felt too short to do any good.

Part of that really in hindsight was the real problem - because of my disabilities I couldn't easily fit into the world of the teenager because they'd moved on from where I was by a good two years or more and I couldn't handle being that the child becoming a man because I was very much fourteen going on ten - a young child and a feminine sissy one at that.

Nevertheless, some saw that as a sign of uncomfortableness with gender roles and started to work around questioning what I "really" was and wasn't I actually a girl.

What I can now say is it was never really about gender roles, the dysphoria was more around becoming physically an adolescent male on a path to becoming a man when the person was a "Child within" and was only socially capable of the gender role of a ten year old child unable to cope with that world.

I just wanted to wear what suited me best as that sissy gurl I felt rather than become a female.

Christopher Robin

That it is indeed in the touching friendship between Pooh and Christopher Robin as they have fun adventures together as we would ourselves if we opened up to people more.

Christopher Robin is a very good role model for girls and boys I feel.

Being me

 People confuse the fluidity of gender gurls such as myself have with being transsexual but they are two different things altogether.

A transsexual identifies as a whole female covering emotions, self image and so on and everything for them is about reducing that gap so socially and emotionally they can operate and be seen as just females.

Being gender fluid means the sense of gender within you fluctuates that you could never be just one and anything like having sex affirming operations would never give you a stable identity.

Personally I'm very happy with my sexual identity but I am feminine too and for me it's all about being able on a day to day business to express the whole of my feelings, emotions and desire to gender present as I am.

I know biologically speaking I'm a boy and I'm happy with that but I want to wear a dress and play more feminine things, let out my sissy gurl side big time.

Why not just just have me in dresses at least some of the time?

The Temptations: What It Is? & Gettin' Ready

I'm not too good this week but one thing that has always bugged me was not being able to replace my original 1972 pre-recorded cassette of The Temptations Solid Rock with a much better cd version as this title only briefly came out in the 1980's and currently has an asking price of up to $500 used when you see one.

As an album goes its a transitional one issued just after Eddie Kendrick left his sole contribution on this album is 'It's Summer' as he felt the Psychedelic Soul producer Norman Whitfield was having them record wasn't the old style R&B with ballads they had been previously known for and to which also they felt they were guesting on his albums.

It does however capture that feel of social consciousnesses prevalent back then rather well  in 'Stop The War, Now' a meditation begging  the end to the Vietnam War with its many destroyed lives (a topic that resonates with me regarding the Afghanistan War today), 'Superstar', in part a dig at former Temptations and call to arms to those who ride on the tails of their peers getting to the top and then disowning them and their needs, plus  'Take a Look Around' inviting people to see the poverty of the Inner City.

This was issued as a download mid January 2013 but only in the US which isn't much use as I don't live there but fortunately I had a friend who was able to get it for me from US iTunes and move it in my computers general direction by the wonders of the Internet.

It sounds much much better than my ancient tape which was very compressed, hissy because back the EMI who issued Tamla Motown titles didn't use dolby noise reduction on the tape and the tape quality was such that on the loud passages the high notes no longer existed.

I also got  Psychedelic Soul a very good 2 cd set covering this period of the Temptations with two extended remixes. 

Continuing on about my collection of Temptations albums built up around 2001 liking Motown rather a lot in a series of two albums on one cd that were issued in the UK from "Meet The Temptations" to 1975's "A Song for You".

That series, most desirable in it's own way missed a few albums from the early 1970's out (Sky's The Limit, Solid Rock and 1990) that I ended up getting in high quality downloads from iTunes.

That left a classic album from 1966still missing from the collection.

This one was the home of "Beauty Is Only Skin Deep" and "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" which was covered by the Rolling Stones on their It's Only Rock and Roll album of 1974.

Well this should be coming tomorrow in re-issued cd form although like most things now, I'll rip it to iTunes for listening to on the go.

Hatsune Miku

 

Hatsune Miku is a creation that I find intriguing hunting out video footage of her performing and here's a bit about her.

Hatsune Miku (Japanese: 初音ミク), also called Miku Hatsune, is a Japanese Vocaloid software voicebank developed by Crypton Future Media and its official moe anthropomorphism, a 16-year-old girl with long, turquoise twintails. Miku's personification has been marketed as a virtual idol and has performed at live concerts onstage as an animated projection (rear cast projection on a specially coated glass screen).

Miku uses Yamaha Corporation's Vocaloid 2, Vocaloid 3, and Vocaloid 4 singing synthesizing technologies. She also uses Crypton Future Media's Piapro Studio, a standalone singing synthesizer editor. She was the second Vocaloid sold using the Vocaloid 2 engine and the first Japanese Vocaloid to use the Japanese version of the 2 engine. Her voice is modeled from Japanese voice actress Saki Fujita.

The name of the character comes from merging the Japanese words for first (初, hatsu), sound (音, ne), and future (ミク, miku, thus meaning "the first sound of the future", referring to her position as the first of Crypton's "Character Vocal Series".

She has dvd's, records and concert tours.

Fairy Tale 4

There is an anime series I've been following but as made a budgeting mistake in January I didn't get around  to picking up the last installment until late last week!

It's a light hearted story of a guild as scene through  the eyes of a runaway girl  Lucy Heartfilia.  A boy she meets in a nearby town, Natsu Dragneel , and his talking cat, Happy,  appear to hold the key to her dreams who joins a group of wizards.

This set, the 4th, contains episodes 37 thru 48 starting with the conclusion over the first four and a half episodes of the Tower of Heaven arc with Erza and her friends are in a race against time to defeat the assassins of Trinity Raven as well as Erza's former friend Jellal before the Magic Council unleash the power of the Etherion to destroy the Tower and everything around it.

The remaining seven and a half episodes of this collection take us through the whole of the Fighting Festival arc. 

Upon their return Lucy, Natsu and the others from Magnolia, they discover that the rebuilding of the guildhall has been completed and there are some new members for the guild as well.

Magnolia is preparing for the annual Harvest Festival, leading to everybody in the guild being excited but things soon turn nasty when Laxus, Makarov's grandson , crashes the party and sets into motion a battle that could tear the guild apart.

The Pink Panther tv show

The original opening of the Pink Panther cartoon series from the late nineteen sixties that I remember watching  and preferred to the later remakes that tried to expand the show franchise by adding "The Ant and the Aardvark" and "Crazy Legs Crane" to it.

In the original cartoon series The Inspector an animated form of the main Pink Panther stories featured with the hapless Inspector Clouseau