Crossed wires and a gradual realization

Although we saw on the last entry that physically I was showing signs of maturing developing a personal sense of sexuality, it was also the case in good many other ways I hadn't and indeed a childhood accident at fourteen caused significant brain damage had pretty much locked me in at the upper juniors.

After passing some examinations I left school which was where a number of these issues started to take their toll not fitting in to systems that either worked with a disabilities but having regular development for Employment nor seeming on the surface to have the needs of someone less bright to be considered for specialist prevision such as Day Centres where activities such as arts and crafts and days out would be arranged.

Between the sheets and between the gaps I started to get to what we'd call today Age Regression although in an age where the modern internet hadn't yet been born and much confusion between infantilism and age regression existed even amongst professionals who deal with human behaviour and that was more a sissy gurl form.

As time went by, the modern internet emerged that was a breakthough where bulletin boards and websites devoted to being more like a child or dressing more like one formed.

Many though did not seem to cater to my needs as not being a pure crossdresser or a transexual  and those sissy sites I saw were more into the sissification trope of a boy dressed in a uber frilly satin form seemingly enjoying being humilated in lots of ways including sexually which for me wasn't what it was about as much as I am very much a sissy gurl.

It was not that my feminine side had gone to sleep not wishing to act on them or still wear a dress or skirt, I just didn't care for such extreme effeminate behaviour and sexualized lifestyle.

Sometimes you might of found a splinter group that appeared to bypass this mixing of past childhood with sexualization and I started to spend more time with them but they were more crossdressing being obessesed with changing their little girl dresses every half hour or so and soon things would be different.

Put into dresses and gym knickers, being inspected it seemed kind of okay at first as a vehicle for just being little with others but I began to question it when it was that a distantly anti male attitude would show as those who were Tg would drone on about being the female they wanted to be, wanting to be uber frilly girlies  or wanting surgery while all I could think about was just how much I actually loved being a sissy gurl but a non sexual one.

Then there was the shift in the Tg movement from being mainly around transexuality with acceptance of transvestism - altering gender by presentation on just a temporary basis - to being more around alternate gender forms and removing women and women's spaces for these.

Much of that made no sense to me as if you did feel you were female then you'd become one and from that point on function in society as one integrating into womanhood so going around removing girls and womens own spaces and even the word girls and women really pushed me to consider if just going along for the ride with them was the thing.

I decided to experiment a bit with them taking elements of how I originally saw age regression and me just to see how there version and how that might be really sat with me.