Mallard

 

One steam locomotive I loved as a child was Mallard which I saw at a number of occasions owning postcards and mugs of it.

The London and North Eastern Railway locomotive number originally 4468, 22 and 60022, named Mallard is a Class A4 4-6-2 Pacific steam locomotive built at Doncaster Works, England in 1938. 

It is historically significant as the holder of the world speed record for steam locomotives at 126 mph, aided by Sir Nigel Gresley's streamlined design.

To my eyes it was beautiful.

Being me on my terms

The great thing about being a sissy is you own your very own sense of it unlike the days when people were mean saying nasty hurtful things, taunting you.

I can be a cute gurl in hur pretty socks and short skirts, I could be a maid if that's how I felt, I easily go being a school gurl being an adult little or even a little minx of a gurl in a leather mini skirt and jacket.

I get to be who I am unlike the days when people forced me to be a boy and do the things they were expected to do or else.

Honestly, it's a liberation.

The playtime issues

 The anime Ponyo Upon a Cliff comes out soon but a couple of stills from it kind of remind me of a few things.

The first is how in early years we play as a group together because the fun we can have together is the bigger thing so boys and girls play together easily.

Then as we start to reach five things start to change.

The boy here is looking for an excuse to not play with the girls, it's quite probable he senses the social kudos he will get for waiting for a better off from boys as he's trying to make a stand for who he senses he ought to be with.

The girls can sense his excuse and call him out on it as any one who was five knows you have few chores beyond keeping your space tidy.

By the time they reach seven or eight the girls will be the same, only playing in tightly policed girl only groups so if if as was the case at times they boys were playing games that either I couldn't join in with or just didn't remotely interest me having a feminine side they would refuse to let you join in.

I know that cos it happened to me at the same time the girls parents were starting to push for equality for girls and there was a lot of noise about Boys dominating the playground.

Boys games tended to use more physical space but both groups could be pretty dominating and exclusory for boys and girls like me that didn't fit neatly in their ideas of what boys and girls are and should be. 

Model Railways and Action figures

To me as a child having very own trainset was a dream come true.

The first one I had was a O gauge set with a diesel battery powered locomotive with mainly blue body with white around the edges that run on plastic self coupling track that had points and a decent set of matching coaches.

The track easily got twisted on the house carpet and wasn't easy to put on a wooden board.

I later got an all metal set with a electric controller, a turntable and some Lima and Triang coaches and locos, often going to local shows to buy used bits for it including buildings in kit form and trees.

I just loved it as that child, playing for hours with it. 

 

Action Man was my world from the age of Nine through Fourteen, collecting accessories such as vehicles, dinghies, weapons to using in playing soldiers killing and torturing the enemy when not planning my own escape with my mates when we played together.

Best of all unlike G.I. Joe he was British through and through.

My Summer Visitor

For the last few days it's been sunny and very warm - temperatures in the region of 24 degrees Celsius - so apart from making the most of the weather by being out of doors, I've had to have the windows open.

I was greeted tonight by a large spider - the span of a small hand - climbing up the net curtains. I carefully scooped him up in a glass, applied some paper to the top of the glass and released him back to the great outdoors.

It felt nice to help him back on his way.

The picture is of an arachnid spider.

Dealing with behaviour from my conditions

People are very much at odds about dealing with complex adult kids that in a way seems odd given when legally I was one and you were handled in just the same way as any other at the time regardless of disability or syndrome.

When you see what is about to come your way your eyes become fixated upon it.

I do find spanking helps with my alertness and concentration.

The tears are real and a sign of genuine regret for your actions

In the intervening years the psychological and medical understanding of Autism with ADHD which is one of my major disabilities has improved when it come to explaining why my brain sees and acts the way it does but in working so much on explaining, it has lead to a belief that when it comes to my actions all you should do is talk and take me out of situations.

It is very true to say "You cannot spank autism or adhd out of the child", it certainly is not a cure for my condition but I and others do need to learn to make better choices about how we deal with our feelings and at times I know mine are bad and have impact on others.

It is also worth thinking about my capacity to control them which in some ways is not much dissimilar to a younger child.

"There is nothing wrong with you that a spanking can't cure"

There is little outside of that moment I am in a meltdown to suggest I am incapable of thinking through things better, which might be to ask for a pause in a situation rather than just kicking off so we can work through it.

Nor is it I can remember past experiences and draw from them provided they have left a powerful lesson imprinted on my memory.

Spanking should be used as a first resort when I do something dangerous, lie or disobey you. Spanking should also be used when other punishments have failed to stop my misbehaviour. 

Spanking me very firmly for my inappropriate responses to my Autism and ADHD doesn't cure my condition but can help cure of of those responses that ultimately set me back getting on in society.

There is NOTHING wrong with me that a spanking can't cure when it comes to my behaviour.

Tammy should be spanked for hur autistic tantrums and adhd behaviour firmly as much they also can be helped to manage hur condition so avoid getting to a point they may react badly.

You cannot spank away my autism and adhd but you can spank away my behavioural responses by providing a strong, painful and powerful deterrent to them and I am capable of learning through that.