The Year of the feminine gurl, Part Two

In 2019 I wrote a piece entitled “The Year of the Gurl”, written just after Christmas 2018 where I looked how I had moved from my arrival first at one site in April of that year to how it was I was being my little self that Christmas in a family context accepted for being that little feminine gurl.

No one not even me could have foreseen how that year could of ended up a year where on Christmas I was dressed from totally as that boy right down to grey shorts or skirts and grey with blue banded socks with a grey school jumper on in front of them all, playing.

It also was a year where on three occasions in the huge political uncertainty in that time I arrived to vote in elections, in person dressed as that little in front of people I have know some connected to my own involvement in politics who just accepted me as I was and for other reasons had to be examined by people who also saw me dressed the same way, totally unfazed and respectful of who and what I am.

While this blog doesn’t go deeply into it, it also was the year I moved totally from those situations and people who tried to undermine my own sense of what to be a sissy gurl was and my very real feminine side, sticking up for my right to be unshakably me and to associate more with them to help me with standing up for myself.

It was a year of personal growth and security in clear cut  identity unparalleled where as I type this I feel so much better in myself for all of that which I am sure some including “Sammy” can tell straight off from when we first met.

She even accepted my feminine side including wearing skirts as part of what being a feminine boy or sissy gurl was for me even though it was not for them personally but the thing we both realized was I wasn't in any way a girl and people who tried to see me that way had really got it wrong.

I was very much a feminine gurl in a skirt!

While a certain amount of care may be needed  toning down on anything with logo’s and the like in certain public settings, the year will begin as it began represented in grey shorts or skirts and a uniform, being little and being an increasingly confident as that sissy.

Christmas 2019

Sleighbells are ringing, the lights are on the artificial tree so I'm up and out of jim jams and into my uniform for a touch of breakfast ready to open these presents that are just in the corner of the room in a pile. 

Although this came out in March of twenty nineteen it was a highlight of this Christmas which is why it's at the top of the mast for this entry.

It's a special compilation not like the Beano and Dandy one about a theme but one of an entire comic strip run from the girls comic Jinty and Lindy from the mid nineteen seventies with a ecocentric sci fi story.

That was the original comic front cover that introduced it.

Due to increased climate change, the sun starts to melt the ice caps and evaporates the world's oceans, causing an onslaught of never ending rain. At first young Hazelford resident, Fran Scott, finds the whole thing amusing, but as the town begins to disappear underwater, the desperation of her predicament becomes all too clear.

After losing her parents in the chaos, Fran decides to seek out her sister June, who recently moved to Scotland. But as the situation gets worse and society begins to crumble around her, Fran must overcome a vast array of dangers, including disease, wild animals, marauding gangs of vicious thugs and most bizarre of all, the self-proclaimed king of Glasgow!

This is a scan from page twenty that shows Phil Gascoine's talent who was a British comics artist, best known for his work in comics such as Jinty, Bunty, and Battle Action, for which he drew The Sarge.

The entire story clearly indicates that children back then we're far more mature in mindset, as they easily handled such hard hitting themes as survival, starvation, illness, and even death.

Comics such as Jinty were a forbidden fruit to boys, something you could only borrow from a girl you trusted not to blab to your mates about it  and yet here is a story that would not of been out of place in any "boys own" comic showing fortitude and resilience so to have this compilation now is just lovely. 

The Beano today is different than what it was even in 2005 never mind how it was in the 70's and 80's the top comic for boy and girls as I recall well so rather than buying the new annual in the modern rather PC world, I had this 1976 edition, a year from the one I had last year which more as I remember it.

It takes me back to that time and the childhood I had.

I did have this years Christmas special edition of the comic though.

No Christmas could be complete for me without a link to Christmas pasts so I had the Dandy 2020 Annual with all my favourite Dandy characters in it not least Winker Watson, Korky the Cat and Desperate Dan.

I got the compilation in the "Classic" series entitled Chortle With Chums with stories on that theme from the Dandy and Beano archives printed very much as is.

Rupert The Bear was a love of early boyhood so in with the stocking fillers is his 2020 annual which really is a reprint of stories from the past complete with original illustrations which is as well as many years ago things like Rupert annuals were just removed.

I don't need Rupert annuals from the past as a grown up collecting thing in the way some do so much as I need that connection from him to the Eternal Gurl.

I do like to read but good new stuff is hard to find however this Adventure story for 9-13 year olds is just the thing for little me being written more for those of us who like a gripping adventure with no signal virtueing.

I think most children have what you might call a  "big present", the main and usually more expensive one and for me it is one that builds on last years, namely the Lego 11004 "Classic" Windows and doors set that adds those items and more lego bricks to last years classic set.

Playing with my Lego was what little sissy gurl me needed and still needs, enjoying making and using my imagination in play.

While I am a Brownie, my childhood exposure was very much with Cubs I had this past annual to both remind me of girls at that time did to inspire me working towards our own objectives .

When it comes to more of the "Stocking Fillers" one advantage of this current year being very much "The Year of The Gurl" is a lot of the ambiguity of recent years just went and so people went more with what they saw and what in the past it always was.

Traditionally made and fitting into the tradition of what Aunts brought me, it was fitting to be given something useful to wear, a sign of the distance travelled in the last couple of years.

My neighbour knitted me a grey hat with black trim apart from giving me some chocolates also seeing very much me on the streets talking to them.

Outside of the literal stocking fillers a specifically girls own colouring book that ties into that passionate interest of mine to help with my hand-eye co-ordination and some nice frilly knickers.

If the year began as "The Year of The Gurl" it ends with a suitable adult free Christmas that from love contains within it a very gurlish  feminine feel that I'm most comfortable nay happy for.

Christmas was the great mix for the adult little gurl me.

Now That's What I Call Music CD

Week two of Advent, a day after the General Election so it's too early begin anything about the outcome of although I did go out and vote myself.

 One thing getting on for some thirty-five years ago reminds me a little of this time of year is the original release of the compilation lp/tape Now That's What I Call Music 4 which came out in Late November of 1984 which I did buy at the time on record.

As some people may be aware it appears the original albums of this 104 plus special editions series are slowly coming out on cd because while cds were a thing in 1984 there were not many issued plus they tended to be a lot more expensive than records and tapes.

There was a kind of Now 4 issued on cd in a very limited release but only ten tracks from the 30 on album plus a few from Now 3 and 2 so I was pleased to pick this new cd version up recently.
I say version of because there are a few different versions compared to original which is an issue in trying to replicate a series that had a few one of a kind mixes on apart from licensing issues today that didn't apply back then.

The good news is that the Special Remix of No More Lonely Nights by Paul McCartney was used even though  a shorter version of Nick Heyward's Warning Sign minus two raps somehow got selected. It's always good to hear Too late For Goodbyes by Julian Lennon, son of the former Beatle.

The original album had some earlier Motown hits as by this point they'd agreed to let songs that were hit singles go on such compilations so we get Lionel Richie's unforgettable Hello. 

On the whole though I think it does a good job of replicating  this set that many of us had at the time

This member of the series didn't do too well as two tracks by Gary Glitter and Bob Marley on the original lp and tape from early June 1984 were removed on this cd and there were a number of significant version mix ups

February 1984's  NOW 2 which took in the Christmas 1983 and winter of 1984 hits had a few errors that would irritate those 'in the know' but was generally okay apart from a totally different version of Joe Fagen's That's Living Alright

The one that showed the series concept was a winner from early December 1983,in  time for the iconic tv advertising on ITV and Channel 4was a virtual Greatest Hits of 1983 with hits by Kajagoogoo, Limahl, Duran Duran, Culture Club and Genesis amongst many others.
The sleeve does list the missing number ones of 1983 too.

There had been a short lived card sleeve double cd of this issued in 2003, the thirtieth anniversary but that had been out of print for a while. 

While the series on cd has its issues and would of better issued earlier in the day to catch sales of those who may of wanted to replaced their lps or tapes, it does help fill the gaps for those of us who bought the later cd issues from Now '86 onward. 

New frilly panties for this sissy gurl

We've spoken a couple of times about underwear as it applies to feminine boys or sissy gurls  such as myself because it is very important being literally the most intimate garment we do wear and Manties who were the bye word for quality panties for men around 2000's to 2017 appear to have ceased trading.

Speaking personally I am not given to what are generally classed as "sissy panties"  with loads and loads ribbons, rhumba pants and those aimed more at the fetish side as for me they are effeminate rather than feminine.  

Sissy gurls like me belong in full lingerie sets, colour co-ordinated with camisoles and waist slips.

From my stand point our underwear is very much a defining  part of the what and the why we are feminine boys and so it needs to not only feel soft on us but send out the right message and so must have frilly lace trim not just on the waist band but on the legs with elastication too fitting snugly around our boy bits.

I'm trying these satin and lace aqua blue kickers on underneath my skirts and dresses by Satini, from PolkaDOT fashion wear made in Leicestershire, here in the Midlands.

Little Headspace and the sissy gurl

This week while nursing a bad foot I've been thinking a bit more about Headspace.

What is Headspace?

Headspace to me means the vantage point my mind looks upon everything around of it and relates to it in real time, being a felt, experienced and physical thing I interact with that ties in your sense of you in time and space.

People can have differing senses of head space not least of you're a Middle or Little because you may have, depending on your own development a more adult sense of what you do and how you'd see your role as well as a younger one where in effect you go back to those things and ways of looking at life that you may recall from your childhood.

The way people may move from one to another depends on the individual and their circumstances such as you may have a triggering thing such as a particularly activity that from the second you start to interact with it, you subconsciously move to that side of you.

For example I used to find being in schools often brought out the more Junior side of me so much so if I was left their for long enough on my own I'd 'drop' into being that child or playing with say dolls just does.

It may be also that how you are attired does and with me putting on my school clothes like what I'm wearing right now typing this 'throws the switch'.

I think one thing a good number of us find useful is where we can meet up because it enables us to interactive not just with our own person sense of being a Middle or Little in such a headspace but also with others as if we were over at other folks houses playing which I think is something many of us did as children and it's that kind of feeling we're recreating.

When looking at recreating there is a question to be asked about the extent to which it is or can be complete replication simply because the nature being a child and the 'play' has itself changed over the decades.

The modern child has electronic play devices and quite often access to say a Tablet Computer which may be used to play games on or join sites like Club Penguin or use to write or draw things on. A computer may be part of your Little/Middle headspace.

How much of that we may do when we're together is something that we'll need to work through in the same way thoughtful parents do with their own children and for similar reasons because it is easy-too easy perhaps-to have a situation where we're all huddled together but staring into our own screens so while individually we're having fun the one thing we aren't doing is interacting with each other. That is a genuine concern.

The other area with that and the all pervasive Smartphone is handling Adult related things such as any requirements an individual may have to check emails and the like from 'work' which whatever your personal thoughts on the rights and wrongs of  (and I think it has for some gotten too intrusive in folks free time) such things are part of their working conditions they are expected to comply with when outside work such as at such meets.

I feel it needs to be done in way that doesn't disturb the Middle/Little space of other people attending which may involve say the use of your own private space or a designated area and certainly the associated electrical accessories like chargers need to out of peoples way when sitting or walking about.

For some of us, though this isn't necessarily the biggest threat to that very headspace at all and while I won't speak for everybody one reason I do like being in that Middle/Little space is to be free from adult level intrusions not least those I have functional difficulties with.

When we were younger the Grown Ups, knew it mattered that while the Big World went on around us, it was wrong for that to dominate Our World so some conversations and topics were 'not for young ones ears' because playing talking through our thoughts and ideas mattered more for us.

That's why it does matter to some of us the sense of leaving things like political, religious and 'adult matters' out of where we are playing, talking or even sleeping and it may be sensible to check with any Little or Middle if they wish to be involved in or ideally leave that to as something in another room people may do.

Personally I have no inclination at all to engage in discussion around those areas simply because it's not part of Middle me that comes to meets apart from experiences in other groups that had allowed it lead to enmities between folk whose reason for being together had had nothing to do with these topics.

To me then to the extent one cannot and would not want to restrict what people can talk about not least that of any groan ups/Caregivers present, there's something to be said for holding back it until after little bed time  or perhaps of having that in just one area of a meet you'd make a deliberate point  of entering.

That way it's managed but those of us who are either playing or just resting have our needs respected so we can enjoy ourselves in our younger headspace freely.

For me  part of that freedom comes from the knowledge that groan ups will step in and discipline me if I am getting out of or at risk of injuring myself so I just act on the me within and not be so concerned about what if it goes all pear shaped that I just sit there terrified to do anything cos I don't feel able to put it right.

To conclude being in it to me is the mark of being a middle or little. It is us.