Candyfloss

Recently I had this new in paperback book that originally came out a year ago that's really for girls but I've always loved reading girls fiction as a boy.

Floss's parents are divorced, and she divides up her week, spending five days with her mum, her new stepdad and her baby half-brother. 

The other two days Floss spends with her dad, helping him to run his greasy spoon café but their simple arrangement is thrown into disarray when Floss's mum decides to move to Australia.

Making the difficult decision to stay at home, Floss moves in permanently with her dad and they muddle along happily together, surviving on chip butties and enjoying visits to the local funfair. But disaster strikes - Dad's money troubles catch up with him and they have to move out of the café. 

They're homeless - but can their new fairground friends help out?
This is what the story explores.

Comics of my youth

We all read comics, sharing between each other sometimes from the school comic collection for rainy break times.

We read these comics whenever it rained in our junior school and we were unable to play as they were kept in a big cardboard box and shared at break time.
Roy of the Rovers was a boyhood hero.

The Beano was massive and we loved to see Soppy Walter battling it out with Dennis The Menace although Dennis's dad would spank him as we all were.

The Dandy was pretty big too and I just loved Winker Watson and his wanglers, Corporal Clogg and Brassneck and Korky the Cat.

Football was mega and still is and back then this was what we all raved about as boys in the playground pack I was a member of. 

Here's another long gone we read:

War, football and boxing stories were just what us boys wanted and how!

That one's now gone the missed Whizzer and Chips in a late 1970's edition.

There was however a big issue in this era and it was around boys who liked girls things and I did so want to read openly girls comics because they provided what a feminine gurl like me also loved.

You may of got away reading them in private if you had a sister or knew a girl who wouldn't let on did to your class not least other boys cos physical abuse and bullying was common then.

As you can see while I loved to read boy comics a half of me was missing following all my interests meeting my own needs and that's a crying shame.

Transformations

 

It's the great enigma really.

On the one hand you know you love dressing all feminine even if people say you're a boy and yet truthfully you just crave the humiliation of being made to wear an uber frilly outfit complete with accessories by a dominant even if you may not need much of a push to put it all on.

It's the aspects like that which really underscore the reality: I am a sissy gurl

Reading up on the past

One of my stronger memories of my official childhood is reading, not that I was what you might call a good reader but we did have a fair number of books in the house and stored in a big wooden toy box were some of mine, usually those my Mum thought I'd outgrown.

A good example of which is this one which was really a book for seven to ten year olds that stayed in that box well into my mid teens.

It's a series of two short stories of a group of young children called Benji, Jack and Jane plus dog who have to move together with their parents and their adventures through play with other children and grown ups.

Its very innocence, the clear lessons shown about appropriate behaviour such as owning up if you do something and clear consequences for wrong doing are woven into a fun set of adventures.

Another is The Three Golliwogs, no longer print but last available as The Three Gollies in the late 1980's.

Really this is a compilation of short stories, originally printed in Sunny Stories from 1937 to 1942. The first compilation was in 1944 under the name The Three Golliwogs, in 1968 showing them having fun.

Many of us had gollies, playing with them back then.

It was really that I before I knew the terms I was looking for even in my mid teens as what I now know as regression was even then a part of what made me different than most of my peers not least in my own mind I WAS that younger child.

It was why I kept the books and puppets from that era.

Little or Big Sissy Gurl

 

Ten is a funny age as some of look a bit bigger and grown up, almost passing for high school and yet others of us haven't put on a growth spurt so when it comes to some of our features like our faces we look more eight and a bit.

I loved ten cos not only was I still a 'little gurl', I was under no pressure to try to be a 'big gurl' of twelve from anyone which was fine as in some respects it was becoming apparent I wasn't really that mature as some of my peers and being handled a bit younger was better.

At least at ten you do a bit of slack even if rightly we have to show some maturity and my headmaster had moved me on a bit towards where the others were.

It wasn't that I didn't feel a bit different for having the likes and different needs than most of the boys which in school officially I was lumped in with but most of time we just played so together we found a way of accommodating it which given just how binary the playground was with the girls not wanting you either was as well.

In any event I felt more able to be me with my sissy gurl ways unlike those today who may go on to transition as women so it wasn't wanting to be a girl back then so much as having spaces to express the whole me as a sissy gurl.

My only regrets were not having the freedom to dress as I felt comfortable as and play the sports I preferred.

Top Cat

One of my childhood favourite tv shows was Top Cat being heavily influenced by Sgt Bilko with a lot of stuff under the cute sharply observed characters of Benny the Ball, TC himself the gang leader, Choo Choo, Rains and co always scheming in trouble with Officer Dibble.

At the time the show wasn't listed as such in the Radio Times because here in the UK Top Cat was a brand of cat food so it was retitled Boss Cat although we all knew it by its proper title.

The action was always centred around the red Police phone box that Top Cat would use lacking any other means, often being caught in the act by Dibble.
TC and the gang could easily run rings around him!!!

Things that calm me down

One thing I have always like and still enjoy is rag dolls of which I have a good number that live on my shelves that I use whenever I am feeling very anxious or otherwise stressed, holding, stroking or 'playing' with them both at home and at work where they do understand needs like this that I have in me

One thing I have always like and still enjoy is rag dolls of which I have a good number that live on my shelves that I use whenever I am feeling very anxious or otherwise stressed, holding, stroking or 'playing' with them both at home and at work where they do understand needs like this that I have in things such as meetings. It's a part of who I am.