Reflections on the little side of being a feminine sissy gurl III

 For I suspect most of us, this life in its differing aspects such as our child-like interests, sense of dressing more as a little - for me little/middle feminine gurl- gender presentation for some and so on comes from within.

Certainly speaking purely personally it's something I've felt for a very long time in my so-called real life even if some individual aspects may of changed over time like my more recent feeling comfortable with the more overly feminine side.

The way we looked in on this has changed a lot over the years and from that just how I fit into the frame.

Talk around sex in the nineteen seventies was fairly straightforward in that you were either male or female.

The people we were aware of who in terms of social presentation who were at odds with that were Transexuals who being born of one sex, typically felt a sense of gender based dysphoria toward how they were expected to present and live by the standards associated with it such as males who associated and felt they were " a woman trapped in the wrong body".

Technically you cannot entirely change sex but the essence of transition that would include hormones and surgery to alter how they looked was it allowed them to live more as they felt - females.

People who did not and generally did not feel that sense of gender based dysphoria but who did enjoy presenting in traditionally female ways were originally called transvestites (literally people who changed attire) which changed to Crossdressers.

In the two Thousands there became a bluring in terminology taking Transexuals and Crossdressers under the umbrella terms Transgender(ed) or Trans for short.

It was political in that some felt Transexuals were seen as the "legit" and priveleged group and crossdressers being seen as "seedy" and a drag parady that didn't fit.

Personally I feel both groups while having thing in common are just different and effectily erasing the term transexual wasn't fair.

What comes under that Crossdresser heading itself varies although each individual varies.

Generally a person given to wearing the clothes and wishing to be more feminine while having a male sexual identity has no reason to be "made to" - it is how you feel, what you were will reflect more of what in wider society females do.

It's all about being and being allowed the space in society to dress as you feel expressing your feminine side.

The more girlish form generally goes under Sissy Gurl.

We should note that has nothing to do with sexuality or things such as age regression or dysphoria as they are separate things within that persons life.

Personally I am  age dysphoric, a topic well covered on this blog which leaves more like and having the needs and interests of a person who is much younger and this mismatch between looks, feelings and how society treats us causes issues.

It is something that we feel, something that we need perhaps in our lives not that we may not have balance this sometimes with more adult responsibilities like paying the bills and for a good many, needing to work too.

We own that sense of self, working it as best we can to suit our requirements and we're in control of that at all times. In other words we're responsible for our sense of little and where we take it.

This is I feel a bit different than what you may see elsewhere with regard to Adult Sissies where it's portrayed as being "Forced" although I'd say that's not an accurate description so much as the person doing that is more the one enabling, using psychological suggestions, a sense of wanting to be enabled in the subject as no one can in the everyday sense of the word make you do feel or do something you don't wish.

The person buys into it in other words and I suspect they may not have the confidence to just do it by themselves if that's really them. 

As an Adult Sissy you really get off on humilation play.

It's a different feeling I think from any sense of, if you're transgendered, wanting wrongs in the form of gendered presentation to be put aright as being enabled to say attend school in the gender you feel.

There ARE bits around "sissy" that do apply very much to me and so in a good number of ways I am more of a sissy not least on the more "adult" side of it.

For me it's more being very happy with my gender role as a sissy gurl having no dysphoria with that wanting to wear skirts and play with girls more for some things as much as happy to play action games with boys.

That's just about you as the child back then, being able to be yourself, the gender you really feel, and to have the childhood involving  play and schooling you deserved and all to often never got although through the miracle of age re-enactment you may well be able to recreate something of it such as at meets or in creating say school based role playing especially if it can be face to face.

All I know is I love some of these things, they made me feel more complete and very happy. 

Maybe it does for you?

Around comics and stuff

Weekend was rather busy here so I had a a few things partly planned out .

First off, May 31 saw the Schools Out bi monthly edition of Monster Fun come out which as the title suggests has the majority of the stories being centred around that ritual where school takes a break while (hopefully) we do get away.

The resurrected comic continues to bring in a actual child base which distinguishes it from other more retro for adults attempts at doing  new specials such as those for the girls comic Jinty and clearly Rebellion Publishing are putting a lot into building up a new audience.

It relaunched in time for Halloween last year and resumed in April following a bi Monthly cycle which makes for a better quality comic given comics aren't 70p or  1.50 anymore given printing costs going up and the now standard full colour rather than muted colour newsprint we had.

Given many must be tossed away I do wonder if that was a misstep in a digital age of read and toss aside for the next weekly edition.

Meanwhile in The Beano it has reported Pup Parade, the cartoon strip that featured dogs many of Class IIb's pet dogs is set to finish in July after Lew Stringers excellent work in a new mini strip from April without official explination.

One thought I have is given how in some communities Dogs are seen as "unclean" to the point they would not be allowed to be pets or to be say cars and the continuing additions of often new children from the Indian Sub-continent to IIb's class as part of the attempt to diversify and make more inclusive that series that originally debuted in 1954, if it may be seen the dogs get in the way and so axed.

It wasn't as if every child in that class had one Cuthbert Cringyworthy for instance was never given one way back in 1972.

We'll see what replaces it in due course.

Feminine LB playtime 2

The most unexpected of things can be found where you may least expect them to be and this weekends activities did involve going around to a family members who was putting on a party for an Aunt who had reached a milestone birthday.

The fairly regular aspect of such a birthday, the handing over cards and greetings and sharing food went rather well but we did have young children present which was to prove pretty interesting.

The first being that while the grown ups tended to talk with each other and frankly beyond being polite I tend to tune out of such stuff, not helped by being autistic, they were playing which frankly is a far more enjoyable thing to do sometimes outside for it was sunny and sometimes indoors.

The two girls contented themselves swapping clothes, doing handstands with other gynastic feets and playing mainly with each other.

The two boys were playing with trains so I played with them as Thomas the Tank Engine went around the track with others in battery operated trains, a simple layout devoid of controller but clearly much loved.

The bigger difference was one was in T shirts and white just above the knee shorts  and the other was in a disney princess dress.

That was something like this  as one learned when he's not in school he puts it on from the moment its time to get up until its time for bed.

He absolutely loves wearing it.

He likes traditional boys things like toy cars and trains but also likes playing with soft plushies and being taken across the garden wheel barrow style like the girls.

He is happy with a boys name and male pronouns while clearly having a feminine boy side to him.

It reminded me as I loved playing with him of how this mish-mash started and what is more unlike me, his family are behind his right to be himself as one.

I was very emotional for spending time with him on his terms for the feminine boy he is.

Platinum Jubilee scrapbook

 Bit of a different week here so we look back at a one off in our nation's history...

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth IInd is the longest serving monarch in our history, so we are celebrating seventy years of her reign which has seen many changes over that period and yet some things remain as they were.

In many areas of the country people have marked it with events such as street parties, competitions, tugs of war but one thing there has been is much bunting which is present here complete with some Beefeaters in a local property.

The junior royals make their way with the Duchess of Cornwall and that of Cambridge to the trooping the colour on Thursday, waving at the massive crowd.

Sadly Her Majesty was unwell so could not take part in the trouping the colour herself so Prince Charles stepped in and was joined by Princess Anne and Prince William.

The Queen was at Buckingham Palace and so stood on the Balcony acknowledging the crowds before watching the special 70th anniversary flypast that featured aircraft from WW2 together with more modern ones.

Just think of the co-ordination in air required to make the Seventy out of a formation of aeroplanes!

Here come the great fantastic Red Arrows flying in formation, releasing red white and blue smoke to the roaring crowds satisfaction.

I was smartly dressed in my feminine boy cub outfit with its brown skirt, green jersey and white knickers.

The hilarious introductory skit where Paddington Bear takes tea with the queen, almost breaks the teapot, sticks paw in cake  and joins Her Majesty in tapping out the beat to Queen's We Will Rock You with a spoon on the china before the group with Adam Lambert perform from the grounds of The Palace.

Duran Duran perform with Chic's Nile Rodgers and Miss Deee Notorious and Girls On Film.

Eh-oh! Famous children's characters were a part of Sunday's seventh years pageant with open top buses representing the 50's,60's.70's,80's.90's 2000's and 2010's with famous personalities from those decades.

This last few days have been just fun for bringing everyone regardless off race, creed,gender and politics together showing our respect for the leadership our Queen has unfailing provided in that time.

Looking back at M J's finest albums

Some periods in your life tend to be very much connected with external events such as polical history, the whole hype around a film, tv show or for that matter a record.

Given the last time I wrote about him here was way back in 2010 it's time to move on.

I can remember the hype around this Michael Jackson's first solo album for Epic Records in the Fifth Form around September and October of 1979 having read 208 magazine, the teen monthly issued by Radio Luxemburg with features on him and his then upcoming single Don't Stop Til You Get Enough  sandwiched between the ads for Boots No.7 cosmetics and girls intimate products.

Clearly that magazines target was teen girls but they did cover soul and funk music which was popular at the time well and it was clear Big Things were expected of this album.

In due course they did being the home of Off The Wall, Rock With You (the single contains added hand claps) and the poignant She's Out Of My Life.

At this point strangely enough people had forgotten his Motown solo career starting as it did with Got To Be There and running for four solo lps, one being the Ben soundtrack something that British Motown put right in that gap between his Epic albums when they re-released 1975's excellent One Day In Your Life from the Forever Michael album and had a #1 hit with it in the summer of 1981.

That is my British original orange Epic label original which came in a gatefold sleeve which unlike later copies didn't replace the original Rock With You for the single version.

After Off The Wall his next project emerged around October of 1982 with the relatively low key The Girl Is Mine colaberation with Sir Paul McCartney which followed from Michael's cover of his Girlfriend on the previous album.

Like Off The Wall, Thriller was concieved as a luxury project so had a gatefold lp jacket  this time taken up with a posed photograph and the album lyrics this time on the lp inner sleeve.

It was a slow album to sell initially not being helped by being released into the mainly British New Romantic invasion by such acts as ABC, Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet whose sound tended to eclipse American soul and funk although it was Shalamar's finest hour in the UK.

Eventually aided by such upbeat numbers as Billy Jean and especially Beat It with Eddie Van Halen's  guitar solo and ground breaking videos, it took off to be one of best selling albums in the UK and the topping the Billboard sales for 1983.

Amazingly six out of nine tracks made it to 7 inch vinyl  or got radio playlisted with the last one being P.Y.T. in early 1984 in the UK.

November's premier wherever in the world you were of the Thriller extended promotional video was an event few of us can forget it moved video on as much as Girls On Film did two years before and like that not necessariily without a little controversy either.

That is my Dutch pressed copy from 1983 - it has Co-production credits to Michael Jackson on the jacket unlike first pressings - and this edition used the American mastering on stampers rather than one made locally.

If you look closely at the label, you will spot both the full track length and also the introduction lengths marked  for DJ's.

This is the promotional leaflet outlining previous Jacksons and Michael Jackson albums included in mine but mine being an early copy makes no reference to Compact Discs and "For Europe cds from the then CBS Group didn't come in until around 1984/5.

For me these two albums remain his greatest solo achievements, the point where he was setting the standard in Soul and Funk rather than playing catch up as with Bad and especially 1991's Dangerous where he copped the New Jack Swing style but seemed out of his depth as some of the controversy  around early versions of lyrics showed what may be fine for some could never be acceptable for a person whose appeal was more universal.

Travelling back through sound II

The series that never seems to stop continues on from where we left back in February  with a new volume issued on Friday that sees us going further back in time and no doubt the extra edition shortly afterwards.

Anyone who was around in 1981 knows this was one of the finest ever years for popular music and specifically the top twenty singles chart with many new and exciting sounds from new artists on a weekly basis even if in truth some of their influences had been about a year or so before.

The year was also different from the point of view that music videos to hit recordings while existing for a couple of years before really took off with long form arty productions from both newer acts such as Duran Duran and Adam and The Ants to evergreen chart fixtures such as Cliff Richard with his very topical Wired For Sound .

We were wired for sound as the Walkman, the portable headphone based tape player introduced in late 1979 really took off with cheaper versions so many of us walked and roller skated to portable stereo sound of our own choosing.

That's why this set is so much a must having either in the deluxe with booklet form or the slightly cheaper all card four cd set.

Back then we bought our copies of Chart Hits '81 and other albums on Ronco and K Tel that came out around every three months or so filled with hits but with compromised sonics and edits get it all in and increasingly they were on tape too.

This is five lp records worth of hits that cover everything from songs from stage shows such as Cats with Memory, Ska from The Specials with Ghost Town, the electronic New Wave sounds of the Human League with Don't You Want Me, Rockabilly revival with Shakin' Stevens with Green Door and Rock This Town by the Stray Cats and Soul from the Four Tops and Smokey Robinson.

The world of hard rock was represented by Rainbow, the band lead by Richie Blackmore with I Surrender and the combination of Motorhead with Girls School with a remake of the Johnny Kid and the Pirates number Please Don't Touch while such staples of previous years such as the Electric Light Orchestra  with Hold On Tight, The Pretenders with the Ray Davies song I Go To Sleep and The Jam with That's Entertainment also feature.

Today this is the most complete anthology of the whole of that years amazing mixture of sounds we heard on Radio One and on Top Of The Pops

July 1st saw the release of Extra, the now familiar package of an extra three discs worth of hits that is part of this series bonus touches expanding the scope of the initial selection with some less obvious choices.

This adds tracks like the original single of My Own way by Duran Duran rather than the remake for the Rio album this group have effectively disowned, Me And Mr Sanchez by the much talked about but ultimately not the the next big thing Blue Rondo A La Turk, the forgotten The Elephant's Graveyard by the Boomtown Rats, Ant Rap, the last hurrah of Adam And The Ants before they split and a good selection of classy soul from Diana Ross and Randy Crawford amongst others.

Not so classy but unavoidable stuff included the Birdie Song by the appropriately named The Tweets popular with the under tens and  number of not so popular at the time tracks that remind me of the KTel and Ronco albums which had a few like Tears For Fears's Suffer The Children and Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield, a massive US hit that did nothing here as much as I loved it and the brilliant Joan Of Arc by OMD that did well and Barry Manilow's Bermuda Triangle that was a "guilty secret" by a guy who is a brilliant performer.

So we round of 1981, a magnificent year in pop but, pop pickers, what will be the next year to get the Now Yearbook treatment?

Reflections

The new reality isn't really all that new but just the outward manifestation of the reality within, that did not and could not move on which is really what being age dysphoric means in practical terms when you are (being) allowed to be just you.

It was never really about changing sex but more about just letting my more feminine side out, being that little child all over again but this time allowed to wear dresses, soft frilly knickers and girls socks with pretty bows without a care in the world.

Learning to feel alive as you just run with how you felt on the day so if did want to wear a t shirt and shorts that was okay too as it for many children today in a way it was never like for us ridiculed or even beaten up for daring to be just ourselves.

I learned to let it all out.