Underwear

 At one level to be a Jane Boy or sissy gurl is to be a atamically a boy in a dress or skirt keeping your male biological self but allowing your feminine emotions and feelings expression by not dressing as a boy but if you have some fluidity as I do to the point you may wear short trousers aimed at boys you may wonder where does it all go.

For me a big step between literally wrapping a skirt around any odd boy and being a jane boy or gurl is in what ordinarily you wouldn't see.

You wear gym knickers designed to be modest that do under emphasis your boy bits under a skirt and even under your shorts which means you you have pull them and you knickers down at the loo.

The fact we are wearing them at all sets us apart, for some people being given and told to wear them is in their fantasy for some of us it is what we'd wear anyway as they are more comfortable but also more durable than regular girls underwear which while being nice and soft, doesn't last long.

Socks may be girls pereline or similar but less "fussy" grey socks beloved of junior schools before the silly big girls in high school must wear tights stuff breaks out or even the same socks that prep schools might wear as girls in co-ed prep schools often do that so in skirts we do too.

They do match our skirts well and are warm for Winter months.

Being me

 Parts of the past are always going to be uncomfortable, not following any "approved" script, trope and may be a bit removed from where you are now even if in some ways you'd of never of got there otherwise.

Anything around gender expression, by which I mean how you may express your sense of gender by how your dress has the complication you may well be deviating from a path established for you.

In my era especially it was unheard of for a boy to ask for or even be asked how and what he'd like to wear.

He was dressed in what his family thought was most suited to him and that was that so if like me you did wish to explore other more feminine presentations this did involve raiding female members closets and any clothes for donation for suitable  things.

Wearing someone else's underwear without permission is shameful but we were not offered the chance to try any on and have them bought for us to wear and look after.

We could be and I was caught out where outcomes could vary from a severe scolding to acceptance of variance which in time occurred with me.

I learned and she learned to accept my feminine boyhood buying underwear for me.

I feel boys like that are best supported to explore what makes them the most happiest and comfortable being themselves be they more "girly" all the time or a mixture of traditional boys and girls styles.

The more I think about it, the more I feel at least for someone like me formal adulthood as a status was a mistake because I don't have what it needs to handle it, I mean I scarcely coped with adolescence requiring sheltering from some everyday teen situations as I just couldn't 'read' them and look after myself.

I felt very much like a fish out of water then and it certainly hasn't improved in years either.

I so want it revoking and a parent figure looking after me instead.

Introduction

First of all I’d like to say I’m Tammy and for reason that will become apparent, I’m not terrible good at writing introductions but it would be better for all of us if I tried so please bear with me.

The first thing to say is I have a mixture of physical, learning and developmental disabilities of which the latter two is the more important when it comes to being on this site and why it is that being ‘younger’  isn’t just either a presentational choice nor in so far as being like that I have a switch I can throw where I’m totally back to adult.

The short and painful fact of the matter is a mixture of at birth learning and developmental disabilities  plus brain damage from a childhood accident mean mentally I struggle beyond around about 10 to 12 years of age when it comes to dealing with situations, understanding written and spoken instructions, communicating ideas with both extremely poor short term memory (cover the screen and I can’t tell you what I typed), difficulty in concentration and so on.

You could call that “Age Regression” but I’m only out of being more a child by degrees and have attention and supervision needs in real life. It certainly isn’t Age Play.

If that wasn’t enough, I have cerebral palsy, dyspraxia and following an industrial injury, have major issues with holding things like pens, cooking (at times needing help with eating) and can’t type for long or play  using games.

As people who see me a lot in real life would say “I have to treat you more as child” so mentally I’m more a child in a adult body so please don’t assume fully adult comprehension.

The history of gender and its connection to biological sex is a painful one for me not just in terms of encounters which I’m sure we’d all have some understanding of  but also with gender politics, label identity wars and being pushed along ‘to help’ but finding it anything but.

Like many of us I knew, even with my limitations how I saw me was different to how others saw me and this was connected to being called a boy at birth because of how my body looked but I’d see me playing with girls most often in a dress sometimes rather than boys all of the time preferring to spend time with them but not having the intense dislike of my boy body that later on I found some usually male to female transsexuals tended to have.

Like most I experimented with dressing the minute I could get the combination of things to put on and undisturbed time to, eyeing oneself in the mirror tending to be older teen, very early 20’s stuff and increasingly more a little/middle schoolgirls uniform form of presenting although just to complicate things I did do some regressive 10-13 schoolboy dressing where I found old clothes not least because I felt much more comfortable looking more younger and as I said mentally that was were more I was anyway never feeling like a teen never mind an adult.

Presently then I present more gingham/ school girl but sometimes more frilled and so wear tailored boys shorts all with girls tops, underwear etc as well. I don’t have a ’Male wardrobe’.

Until I was more in my twenties I’d seen myself as a biological boy, given to dressing non adult  alternating between masculine and femininely but for a period came under the influence of friends who while starting out as more schoolgirl regression saw themselves as transsexual, pressuring me into seeing myself as girl requiring chemical and surgical aids to fully transitioning as a Adult Woman even if were to still feel the need to dress more as a girl.

The discourse around of that in particular brought more into focus that I felt no need to bring my boy body around to match gender because I realized I was more like a girl and clearly feminine by mannerism, habits etc but not ‘a girl’ being very happy  with my boy body, even to the point I can slide to a more boyish side and back out again comfortably.

By that point I had decided I wanted back my Boy biological sex back in my whole identity even if  I may go by feminine inclination and dress more in  little/middle girls schoolwear which is why one here I’m coming out as Feminine Boy albeit one who can do ‘Tom Girl’ from ‘Jane Girl’ as the mood takes me with no emotional discomfort. 

I see myself as Gender Fluid mainly Feminine Boy by sex who is a little sissy gurl.

You might ask if I have ever belonged at other sites  and the answer is yes but as some of the reasons why I’m here tie into gender issues  that’s why I’ll talk a bit about that.

I landed online in 2005. It was a different world and so I looked around gender topics joining and still remaining under a Username a transgender forum which was pretty accepting of me but understandably the focus was on adult roles and presentations so I started looking more into younger presentations and what eons later I learned was more age regression and the world of littles and caregivers.

One site I joined for a period billed itself more as a all purpose ab, littles place but it soon put me off as it had a high level of sexual content which simply wasn’t me not least not wanting to be contacted for the same when I hadn’t asked for it.  It put me off anything like that for a while.

I call myself at times a "little sissy gurl" because I do share a fair bit in common with them, do see myself as neither girl or boy as gender but generally it's my little side who is out and so I don't do any of the more adult stuff some associate sissies with.

Around the same time I learned of  less sexual adult little girl site which was and is a very nice place but the people who run it have it hidden from view being super concerned around privacy so over the last few years not just have numbers dropped off but so has participation because next to nobody saw and joined it. 

As well there was an attitude that saw anything other than ‘I like to wear pretty dresses and be like a girl and see yourself as a girl' as something they were not entirely happy with whereas I’m feminine but don’t wish to be female (nor pretend to).

I do belong to a site about non sexual spanking (discipline and therapeutic) which I have written something about here as I find it is both a real need and something that has helped me a lot to be more responsible within my limits apart from being a part of by boyhood past.

I’m here because I’d sooner be in place that can handle being a regressed Feminine Gurl, that cherishes it leading me to explore and enjoy being me with no other narratives, that accepts my gender fluidity.

That is what "That Feminine Gurl" as blog will be all about.