The bonds and emotions of a LSG

It's not that often I talk about emotions least of all what feels to be me  but there are times when I think it makes sense to not least for everything really comes together for me and this whole journey I've been through so far in. 

One thing is a childhood routed in fear, fear of how other kids could and did ill treat me from 'being sent to Coventry' though bullying, of a homelife where domestic tension to the point of things being thrown and calls to the police being made lead to me being at times even now feeling gripped by crippling anxiety. 

That's before all the stuff around being a sissy gurl comes into it.

The problems I have with my disabilities as much as admit to using them as an excuse to be lazy and for adults to allow that to happen, compounded it with difficulties in making myself understood, difficulties in understanding others, in having a understood secure sense of place that I had a working knowledge of 'The Rules'. 

The whole thing leads to a "crippling terror of existence" for me so it's hardly surprising that a protective practically Child to Adult relationship is where I find myself in where the physical expression of affection in the way of cuddles and hugs, the love that is shown in overseeing, guiding me anew and the loving hands that have me at my most vulnerable over their lap spanking me feels so good.

R.I.P David Bowie (1947-2016)

Like most of you I woke up, Monday (1/11/2016) around a quarter of Seven to the shock news that David Bowie had dead at the age of Sixty-Nine something the shocking for Blackstar, his last album had only been released Friday to glowing reviews. 

I'm feeling rather numb even now about this but in looking at his achievements, the first thing I would say is he seldom if ever repeated himself, sometimes to a fault, always reinventing himself and working with new ideas and exploring whole different genres.

His catalogue could never be described as being in anyway samey, indeed you find some fans have one period they major on although perhaps basic I have a more wider interest in music and music-making I'm not in that camp.

He broke new ground in the topics he sang and wrote about, brought new sounds to the mainstreams ears...and moved on to the next.

I could never just pick a half dozen of his albums although Hunky Dory, Aladdin Sane, Diamond Dogs Station to Station and Scary Monsters sure would feature.

The other area I'd say was outside of music, he was a proper actor who did star in three films not least The Man Who Fell To Earth and in several stage productions, did understand the importance of creating personas, costumes and staging  which in conjunction with the use of music videos which he was a pioneer of, provided the total package.

It's quite probable that the American Hard Rockers Kiss were influence by aspects of his work, the story telling and that total package from Hunky Dory and Ziggy era.

The other area was in being open about his sexuality, exploring gender presentation together with  Lou Reed and to an extent Elton John collectively they opened up a conversation around what it means to have a sexual and gender identity, how we express it and how that differs for all of us. 

For anyone who was Lgbtqi in the 70's and 80's you don't need me to say just how being himself, David give us space and aided the greater toleration of difference. 

We owe him that regardless of our music tastes and I suspect for a good number of the depth of feeling we have in mourning him is influenced by that, it has a personal quality to it.

He also to his credit took on MTV in its lack of music of black origin in it's early days and even of the faces of People of Colour from its programming and got that changed.

Rest in Peace David.

You're gonna be a Gurl

It's the first "proper" post of the year so rather than look at presents I thought we'd look at something really rather important.

Life as a child wasn't easy in an era where things were very rigid roles, presentations and even styles of play depending on whither or not the world saw you as a girl or a boy.

It made or broke friendships, could get you not invited to play or attend things such as birthday parties with class mates.

It did get you beaten up by other kids.

You generally had to be older and find others away from all that to really be who you were.

Tammy always knew in a world of boisterous boys they were a sissy even if by hur terms they were tougher than most boys were and could join in some more rougher play but it was that you liked to be feminine and do things that girls did.

In reality Tammy really needed an Auntie who'd arrange for periods of time for hur dressed in a very girlie way, learning along the way to enjoy being what they really were even if they needed to pushed along the way from time to time.

Tammy always was a SISSY.

Christmas and New Year round up

 Phew, Christmas is over and we start a New Year but we start from there this edition.

Some of the outstanding Christmas presents  arrived after the combination of the Christmas and New Year vacations, not that I've ever had an issue with people like Postmen and women having proper time off and that plus with some coming from outside of the UK.

I'll write a bit more about each later on I think and I actually found a HMV music store voucher that had got lost down the side of a chair , unopened from Christmas day!

I had a couple of diaries 

 The slim A6 one is really for me to take to places such as meets as it is easier to carry in my small Hello Kitty flight bag and I can add things like activity times and note any chores I'm to do in whenever I'm out

The larger A5 one is more for at home use  keeping important dates and reminders in as one thing I do struggle with is organizing, remembering when I'm to do things and then staying focused so this more little ones should help me this year with it.

 As the week itself went, I went to the barbers on Tuesday for the first time in the New Year for a cut and dry and generally speaking I've been very good this week keeping to bedtimes and following the rules. 

I also found out the name for the problem I have around hearing and being understood - it is apparently Auditory Processing Disorder - and it does tie in with developmental dyslexia which why it may of been overlooked when I was younger.

This gurls christmas 2015

Christmas here was a bit different for a few reasons one being we didn't go out for lunch between some inter family stuff that tested patience to the limits and Mummy and I being very unwell just before and still recovering  so even if we had, it really would of been a waste as we'd not of eaten much.

I wore my grey pinafore dress, grey shirt with blue tie and white pussy bowed socks today after a good wash first thing.

With that we ate at home between ourselves, with the Turkey being put in over night to cook right through, vegetables done across the morning and the Christmas Pudding zapped in two minutes flat before eating!

As it was 2015 I had to help out getting stuff out, setting the table, clearing the table and with washing up.

I did have a number of presents this year although somethings are in transit as as I wasn't well enough to organize them to just before Christmas which does give me something to look forward toward I guess.

A perennial with me is comic annuals which are a direct run on from the Christmas presents I has as a child featuring special and sometimes Christmas themed cartoon strips from my all time favourite characters such as the no longer running apart from specials, Dandy which had Korky the cat, Desperate Dan of Cow Pie fame and others in it. 

The BIG comic with me as a Child was Britain's Beano a veritable parallel world for those of us who were of official school age  during the 70's thru 90's it's peak period with it's own school and characters in the form of the Bash Street Kids, my hero Winker Watson and Dennis the Menace who like us also got smacked if they were naughty (and they were!).

As time went by some strips like Lord Snooty got retired and others like Bananaman who did have a tv series too joined the old favourites and the questionable practise of featuring in the news real people like pop stars and the like in story-lines crept in.

To say I like the Dandy and the Beano is an understatement and this year there is a specialty annual of Prank based reissues of older stories from both comics some I'm familar with from the very late 60's onward as I read the comics as a boy and some before my time that I had heard of.

It's a treasure trove of stories, characters and laughs that will be cared for.

I did pick up a Brownies annual from a couple of years ago as really that whole thing as it applies to being a little and how one might recreate some of that as a gurl interests me and t may help in finding some clues.

My Auntie brought me a selection box which was a super inspired choice on her part as she not formally known about my Middle side but can tell straight I'm very child-like.

To be honest I'd sooner people either asked ideally or just bought me things more like this because I just so not relate to *adult* likes and that at all so buying for a middle child really is more sensible.

Ready for Christmas edition

 

It's December which with Christmas complicates posting but this year I thought I'd talk a little about the people who've given me the "real presents" a little like me needs.

The first thing is there's a person who I've only known for a few years and due to distance I only see from time to time who in their own way has been such a inspiration and source of reassurance at times even though they themselves have had their own difficulties some of which we do have in common.

They've encouraged me to be more open about myself, who I am, what interests me with other people, to feel comfortable doing arts stuff like drawing which I've always had hang ups with just for the fun of it and above all just accepts me as I am.

The year has been hard for us both following the death of our (and probably for a good number of you, yours too) close friend where we've both been supporting each other  and both of us have been supported by others which has been a great source of comfort.

You're a star.

Then there are other people such as those that have given me a home from home where I can just relax with my mind free from some of the stuff that gets on top of me here, enjoying a meal and like minded company together.

Which if on it's own is something I'd be thankful for but you go much further than that, you look after me, not in a super fussy way but more an observing the scene and responding way, knowing that if I'm giving signs of been tired (and I tire easy) you'll get me to where I need to be, bed, in  suitably child-like way that leaves me feeling relaxed and very little.

Things like that are really the best gifts of all.

HAPPY XMAS!

What girls want to know about feminine boys

 

Some boys are very different because on their insides they are really much more like you than you imagine

We, while wearing whatever we feel may be better suited to what we're doing at that moment, prefer to be dressed in dresses and skirts that you wear too. You can encourage us in that.

You refer to us as a gurl because that is our gender but you treat us as girls.

You include us in but hold us to the same rules as your girl friends.

That said we may wear Pj's in bed

We may enjoy somethings with regular boys such as playing with dinosaurs and some rougher play

but then we just adore playing with dollies with...you and like magical girl animes that are very girly

Our first instincts are the same as yours so let us express them.

We are feminine boy or sissies and would love to play with you and your friends.