Twelfth year anniversary issue

 Actually in this year it will be the 12th Anniversary of this blog and so we may as well start by revisiting what it is about as sometimes people get that wrong because it was established to be about my needs, my issues with my behaviours and attitudes and how I'm getting better now.

It's the beginning of a New Year  that follows on from the last so naturally I'll be in the course of the year writing about how I'm feeling and how my behaviour is shaping up but it's a good start to the year to consider what a important part of my regressed life is about.

It's to match my developmental needs to a way of training me to do more for myself, to learn and apply societal norms as much as they may need to consider and sometimes adjust to better accommodate those things I cannot alter.

This involves being given one on one guidance and tuition on everyday life skills so learn how to do perform tasks and from then on assume greater responsibility for meeting them and where it involves working with people accepting and working with their oversight with them having the final say.

Because of my tendency to be lost in the moment oblivious to risks, to have difficulty in crossing busy roads safely and communication based issues I accept other people have to assume certain responsibilities in caring roles with me.

Part of that is as the adult-child being cared for involves the use of spanking to deliver clear consequences where agreed breaches of attitudes and behaviours occur.

Within that relationship the following general rules apply to the carer in looking after me

1. Give Affection at Least at a Rate of 10 to 1. 

As the adult-child, I have emotional needs such as to feel loved, wanted and cared for and to feel that from you as much as need you to spank me sometimes.

2. Never Spank a Adult-Child in Public. 

The act of disciplining is a private one between you and me that needs no extra public humiliation adding even if some of our friends know I am and I'm okay with that.

3. Never Use Excess Force.

The spanking I need needs itself to be proportional to what I have done, sufficient to deter me from that offence that I knew would bring it.

4. All Spanking Offenses Must Be Made Known in Advance, Carved in Stone, and Fully Understood.

It's important to know which of  those things that I do will result in a spanking, that there is consistency in your handling them and I have shown I understand the consequences of my actions.

If the going is tough, make eye contact with me. Say "Listen to me" "If you do x, I will spank you" and once it is clear I have understood that if I still do, then do it for me.

5. Be Truthful and Consistent, It Could Save a Life.

A relationship where you care and from that discipline me needs me to feel I can trust you and you will treat me in a fair consistent manner because those actions my keep me from dangers I am unaware of be they life threatening or likely to result in injury.

On the loss of an Aunt

 Today's entry was not the planned one but as one increasingly realizes not every eventuality lends itself to such an approach not least anything involving people.

We received a telephone call on Wednesday from Mum's brother in law saying my Aunt who had been unwell for a period moving into a care home about five miles away for about eight months following a fall, showed that she wasn't really safe to be 'at home'  even with some supervision, had died having contracted pneumonia on New Years Day.

That didn't particularly surprise me as I had seen over a two year period when I visited her, a marked deterioration in her condition an her moving from limited informal oversight from family and neighbours to more formal care workers coming in and a 'careline' being put in although she always looked after her personal hygiene and ate well.

My Aunt was one of the central characters in my life because I often visited her at least once a week if I was 'home' myself as it was a home from home where given the many issues and incidents on my weirdo family history that would break out. I go spending hours with talking about things as she'd try to settle me down from the drama around my home life having left often with a book, some money and my plushies.

She lived with her parents because she needed a some support although she worked for a good number of years at automotive factory locally until taking retirement and so that unit was in my ways an alternate family for me that did accept what we know would see as a more child-like regressive Littles side from my teens and older.

She and her neighbours knew I was a Little buying me selection boxes, children's annuals and the like.

They also spend a lot of time talking to me about pasts, my families pasts, their pasts and how we ended up where we did encouraging me to talk more about what was was on my mind and why it was troubling me.

This was a link I kept up for a very long time so outside of my regular at least once weekly  visits I go with Mummy around birthdays and Christmas, chatting along the way with her neighbours and indeed it did get to me this christmas past as it was a ritual I missed from the previous year.

The one thing I know is I'll miss her.

New Year Thoughts

As I sit here typing my minds thoughts move toward what I and this blog have been doing and what we are so looking forward to from this New Year onward and I think I know how I'll begin this even if only directly applies to a section of my followers.

The life we lead as age regressors matters more than the labels, their definitions and what different groups may think of what words we use to describe this thing we do and what by extension a good portion of this blog talked about last year.

A good thing is to spend as much time outdoors as you can switching off from the online world and allowing yourself to be in the moment with nature whither or not you walk as I have started to do more of, learning to reflect and take comfort from the everyday stuff of life. It's not just mental resilience and healing it will help either but overall wellness even if you face heath or disability related limitations.

One thing I do write about here is things like colouring which can help with de-stressing and improving your co-ordination skills which if they are like mine, poor and with reading which can cover things around the age range you regress to for sheer enjoyment or if you like me you struggle with reading by carefully selecting more upper junior fiction that stretches your vocabulary help in learning to read more for information and picking more the feeling of characters in those stories. The books I wrote about last year fitted that definition to a tee.

It's also about exploring my looks as a adult little girl and enjoying scouting.

You for me it'll be that I'll be doing this New Year, sharing it with you all here and for some fortunate folks even under the same roof together.

Christmas 2017

It's usual on this blog to write something around Christmas here because it for one thing it's a major childhood memory, it's almost as big on my age regressed side having that Christmas Eve anxiety at night thinking what I may be having and finally its two whole different days. A heady mixture, what?

I'm home with Mummy and Daddy and I can smell the Turkey cooking ready for Lunch as we visit our neighbours and having just opened my presents.

Fun that was a direct re-run from my actual childhood came from this annual with adventures from Dennis the Menace, Minnie the Mix and the Bash Street Kids plus a special annual of the Dandy featuring such favourites as Korky the kat, Desperate Dan and Beryl the Peril.

I had some money from Mum, one brother that were put toward some compact discs and a HMV voucher.

Although the whole relationship between me, scouting in general and gender is messy one, one thing I had a Brownies annual from a few years back with a very inclusive cover and I think today's brownies is really more what I'd of loved.

As strange as it might sound finding a recording on sacd of either Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture or Romeo and Juliet is difficult as much as you might of thought hifi people might of seen that as a demonstration title.

I had this disc which has Romeo and Juliet plus Orchestral extracts from The Snow Maiden coupled with a recording of his First Symphony by the Gothenburg Symphony Orchestra by the much talked about conductor, Neeme Jarvi plus a sacd set of Sibelius Symphonies and Chopin Preludes.

As well I had a scarf and blu rays of Back To The Future  together with the Karate Kid which were two of my favourite movies from the 80's as I slowly replace a few by the better looking blu ray versions.
I hope you had a super day with your gifts and toys but also with company too.

Bach and the Cello

 Bach was mentioned in the early history of the blog during the period I established a modest selection of his more important compositions and replacing one cd whose conducting lead the playing  seeming more suited to F1 than sedate chamber music!

I am very fond of the Cello as an instrument and so had been looking at getting a recording of his Six Cello Suites when I spotted this which originally came out as three lps and cds in 1985 and to which this is the latest edition with two very well filled cds taking in all three discs worth which came out in 2015.

Maisky's performances have real character holding your attention.

It is interesting to note that would set you back around GBP £40 new in 1985/6 and I managed to get this two cd edition for exactly GBP £4.16 new including delivery!

The real me

 

Here at The Feminine Gurl I've been rather busy dealing with the Blogsphere tm of this is one of a few in this family of blogs that go back to the mid 2000's that deal with different aspects of my life overlapping a little but with main focus which so reminds me of school Venn Diagrams that one was to draw neatly or be suitably admonished.

In some ways then it's perhaps for the best this family blog member is fairly recent as all the 'baby steps' in blogging happened before and had been learned from so the same mistakes had not been repeated.

An often repeated comment I hear at various sites that sadly I'm less able than I'd like due to my physical disabilities to message is around the extent in a world where people do cultivate an image of themselves and their abilities to the point when one interacts with them either messaging or face to face even there's a gap between what you read and what you see with me I'm very much the same on any site, any kind of 'chat' and  when I've been privileged to spend time face to face with people for extended periods.

The word that comes to mind is "Authenticity", the extent to which one is true to yourself in harmony with your own spirit while respecting rules and social conventions that make life frictionless as we all know what to expect.

Thus while on one blog I do write around the joy of the resumption of the Scouting ethos, another more of joys of littles age dysphoric life including hobbies and interests neither denies what the other centred on and where all is intertwined, the one whole me.

What I write about is what I feel, what I have experienced and actually know routed in my life albeit my education, employment and learning more about coping with my actual needs rather than what may know second hand or the views of those who write about what they have read.

The one thing towering over all is a childhood that was very much routed in being in an actual boarding school for much of my education which went beyond of curriculum subjects but in moral character building and standards and one that understood you learn through consequences, believing strongly in disciplining you very much for ones own good.

What I have to say around this and as it applies in particular to corporal punishment  is very much from having received it 'in loco parentis' several times each deserved and from that how that changed for the better those attitudes and behaviours first hand rather than any kind of role playing fantasy.

I know it works well with me as it did with most of my peers at the time not just in nipping our behaviour in the bud but also of deterrence of the class,  year group and ultimately whole school from acting on such impulses.

The benefits in terms of being able to study, to have your teacher just come in and start the lesson and carry on with everyone engaged rather than endless low level disruption might surprise present generations!

It is that I suspect the last person who commented picked up on in the broader sense in that I am the product of such an education and it shows in my work.

Thank you for your compliment.

Redux

Sometimes it can seem with this life you can easily end up a load of clothes that don't slot into the non-littles world but with a bit of care you can find ways around of this.

First off and subject to some delays with the Royal Mail is a maroon sweatshirt with a rounded top which was available from a well know ebay school wear supplier even in 'adult' sizes although it is school wear and is clearly  branded on the tab inside as such.

It can easily be worn with black or beige short trousers or a slightly more adult skirt outside of being a part of uniform with no one being the wiser.

One reason for buying was I have a few sweatshirts in need of replacement and I do wish to merge my wardrobe.

This wine coloured pleated skirt has a similar story being also from a school wear supplier but isn't so far removed from what you may wear in some working environments being supplied by work wear companies for offices except where girls may of worn knee length socks, adults generally would wear hose (Brit speak: Tights) usually with plain blouse.

Putting the two together and adding the long socks either white or grey makes for a school/college uniform for when I'm at home or away with friends.