Restful notes

 

I was away earlier in the month with friends for a few day.

With some concerns, I did pack the 'big camera' and a couple of Zoom lenses with me carefully sandwiched between the clothes because one thing that crosses both sides of me is photography in a more high school plus level and 'picture taking' on the other and a camera that affords more control and range within the focal lengths allows for more creative pictures apart from higher optical quality.

That meant I was able to take pictures like this with the advantages of image stabilization where I normally struggle with 'long lenses' and even against the light that I feel show the kind of tranquil feeling I had while out exploring on foot.

Deliberately using a longer focal length and a wider aperture just softens the background sufficient while leaving enough information for you to take in.

Here, we saw an influx of various Butterflies, such as about seven on one bunch of lilacs locally when I was out walking earlier on in the week and it has kept up like that to the point I counted a good number only last night in our front garden.

The combination of warm and rain has also lead to the blackberry bushes here growing to the point they are intruding on the pavements, well covered in fruit.

How it is

 For me even pretending to be a grown up is just utterly futile cos it ain't even in me so it's best to just go and play having fun just like I did the first time I was this old.

Another side effect of it was you couldn't get away from the consequences of your actions having a traditional spanking from grown ups but you felt more comfortable knowing so.

Blow conventions: I'm still a kid.

On gender fluidity

Melodie was a person who I followed at Experience Project but left shortly before it closed and recently at one site she posted this:

I also support the allowance and teaching of gender fluidity.  like as girls are taught it is okay for them to wear  boys articles of clothing the same should be for boys to wear articles of girls clothing.  Clothing is only used to hide our nakedness, nothing else..

Boys should be able to wear skirts and dresses as freely as girls can wear boys denim pants and flannel shirts..  Moms can start off slowly with skirts or skorts to get their sons accustomed to them then later introduce them to dresses.  Boys and men too used to wear dresses (TUNICS) and skirts, look at the paintings from the early greeks and romans.

BY today's standards a tunic or dress would be  appropriate.  I agree that boys would need to be taught how to wear them the same as girls so as not to expose themselves.  My mom taught me how to wear dresses so I would not expose my panties to others, to keep my knees together and so forth.  If there are any mothers and fathers here on this forum think about exposing your sons to gender fluidity.  It will bring about a more equal society.

Gender fluidity is a thing I know because it is what I have and do believe a fair few other boys have too and that can run into gender variant by present standards presentation and it is time we were able to just be us.

The Feminine Boy thing that I identify with is not about "being a girl", transitionally socially of not medically as a female nor is about being a male submissive with tropes around being "made to be a girl" which is kink based

It is simply about being who you are as physically a boy but whose gender expression, identity and presentation is where ever that personally takes you.

With me it is clear there is a lot of little sissy gurl in my gender based identity and it's stupid to think of denying it for a "right on" take or a quiet life.

It's just me.

Thoughts on being away Summer 2019

Well, we're back after last weeks adventures and this week I'm writing my reflections of that.

As you'll know I've had a good number of things on my mind for most of the year so far in which have made my conditions somewhat worse than usual so going away as the processes around those things resolve themselves was really more about resetting myself.

One good thing about where we were was that I could just go off into a massive garden to think and immerse myself in watching and listen to the birds, enjoying the plants with many fascinating insects, just getting into that frame of mind.

Sometimes I find the preoccupation with news, reports from various groups on topics just overwhelms me to the point I sense my heart sinking every time I hear the letterbox open so just being totally away from it helped.

The other was just playing and colouring in where I made up the colour scheme rather than slavishly following the original ones that help lift my mind toward both a sense of imagination and also the possible rather than being stuck in a cycle of negativity.

I also did go for walks which lead to me interacting with strangers, exploring the area and just feeling more at ease with myself and the wider world.

Upon my return I felt fresher and a beige envelope showed my ESA money  for not being able to work was going to continue which draws a line under much of what had taken its toll on me. 

Dress up and play

I'm technically away this week so obviously you do have to think a bit about what to pack cos you can't take everything with you not least when, like me you have carry it on and off the train with all the luggage restrictions it brings.

Given there's a mixture of more child-like things I'll be doing even if may have to do a few more grown up bits it's best to have a more mix and match set of things that can be worn in a variety of ways.

That does include gingham dresses apart from short pleated skirts and long sock of both the just under the knee and over the knee variety which as a sissy gurl really are so so me.

The other element is of course play although play with me because of my past would of included cowboys and indians and cap guns to play at firing in imaginary stories.

I'd love a modern girls dress up set for being a cowgirl with a leather waistcoat, boots,neckerchief, and hat I could play with others at.

Play with me is less stereotypical than some but in the end it's all girls play and this gurl loves her playtime .

Summer Specials rebooted

Summer for most British boys and girls growing up in the nineteen seventies and eighties meant going away and the ritual of buying Summer Specials of our favourite comics to  read and laugh at during that six weeks or so of school hols.

While I had mainly boys and co-ed comics I did manage to see some girls comics despite the very rigid gender code enforced restrictions of that era and how that affected feminine boys like me so comics such as Jinty were not unknown even if we couldn't possess them.

The market for comics for older girls as with boys declined during the nineteen nineties as glossy tween and teen lifestyle magazines such as Bliss! and More! took hold but this year Rebellion Publications who own the rights to a number of now deceased comics and comic strip series made a new Summer Jinty and Tammy summer special with all new content.

These were stories set in schools that talked of friendship and tricks with the one more modern take added being Rocky of the Rovers, that rectified  an injustice of the era I grew up in that girls were not allowed to play football in the we as boys even feminine boys did.

In the rebooted world of Roy of the Rovers following on from the acclaim given to Jamie Johnson novels for the new series of Roy of the Rovers, the Roy we knew and loved was rebooted as modern teen wanting to be signed up Rocky has been born as his sister and like modern girls plays football too

I'm glad Rebellion care to bring back a quality comic for Summer Special that is relevant to todays girls (and feminine boys).

Proms 2019

Today sees the resumption of the BBC promenade concerts in person and live on radio, television and online for this one hundred and twenty-fifth season where mainly classical and a small amount of popular music music will performed by various orchestras, conductors and soloists.

For me it's a season where for most nights there will be music on, some I am familiar with - you don't really want to see my cd collection!- and some not that you just take in with thousands of others and explore.

It also is a continuation rather like most things of a childhood ritual where even as a nine year old, I'd listen to the odd prom by myself and indeed my 'transistor radio' spent almost as much time tuned to 247 metres (the then home of Radio One) as 464 metres (the then home of Radio Three the arts and classical music station) as a junior school child and where possible by the time I was at high school I was even tape recording whole concerts on reels of tape.

This Friday we'll hear the Czech composer Janacek's Glogolitic Mass, Dvorak's The Golden Spinning Wheel and the newly commissioned by the BBC  Long Is the Journey – Short Is the Memory by Zosha Di Castri that marks the 50th anniversary this week of the Apollo 11 mission to the Moon.