Colouring

We're looking at colouring today

Colouring is an activity most children do from an early age when you take a drawing with the outline image in printed usually in black and colour in between the lines.

Colouring can be helpful in improving your hand to eye co-ordination as you learn to colour in tiny areas neatly.

It's also quite useful in encouraging you to exercise your own imagination, by choosing what areas to colour in whatever colour you prefer although for some subjects  you may prefer to follow the examples such as drawings of Disney Princesses and other more feminine themes.

It came to me a few days back in part through an ongoing conversation and also while listening to a podcast, that I did very little colouring when I was younger and by the time I'd reached nine it was deemed to be 'childish' although I did draw in colour trees and houses cause that was called 'drawing' which was said to be 'okay' for me to do.

Colouring is in my opinion one of the easiest ways of getting into a younger headspace especially if you live away from any local  littles community because you can do it pretty much anywhere making very little demands on apartment space.

You'll need a supply of coloured pencils (mine are Hello Kitty ones for extra cute appeal), an eraser to remove mistakes, and colouring books that you'll find most news stores stock so you can get out of your chair and go buy it in person as after all it is for you!.

I tend to keep mine by the computer as a stress relief tool when the interwebs go wonky but generally after changing to my littles clothes, I either lay on my front on the floor or across my Hello Kitty festooned bed with the book and pencil case out in front of me. You could if you wished, sat at a desk to do this too as if you were in a play group or school setting.

I find it very relaxing just lying there colouring completely free  from any groan up stuff that may be about affecting my head.

Liszt and Chopin

From boyhood I always had a love of piano music, listening to live performances often taped and acquiring the odd record.

I've always loved the Polish composer Chopin from a very early age having records of his music but during a period where classical music migrated to the cd, I lost many of mine only getting around to replacing a recording of his Piano Concertos.

Late last year DG issued a special box set marking the 70th birthday of the Italian pianist Maurzio Pollini featuring all his solo recordings of Chopin's piano works (477 990-8) housing 9 cds as originally issued of the Etudes, Preludes, Polonaises, Scherzos, Nocturnes as well as the Second and Third piano sonatas complete with reproduction card covers and a inset.

Many of these performances are among the very best of chopin's works but because a manufacturing error that a number of the discs unplayable, I returned it but bought used the individual original discs adding the super audio cd version of Polonaises from 1976.

This recording may not quite match the sonics of the very best of today's but the playing by Pollini ably backed by the Philharmonia Orchestra of London in this 1960 recording remains the standard to judge accounts of the First Piano Concerto by.

For a long time my favourite on record, this was remastered and reissued in 2016 by Warner Japan who currently own the rights to EMI's Classical catalogue on the Super Audio cd format with  a cd layer so it plays on all machines although sacd machines will get the most from it.

They even restored the original period artwork which I adored.

At the same time I spotted a 5 cd set of Liszt's solo piano works going cheap by the Hungarian Georges Cziffra on EMI (648351 2) recorded from the late 1950's thru 1985.

His talent lay in finding what inspired Liszt and playing it back - some said he was the reincarnation of him - and although he adds a few touches of his own compared to some more modern  recordings, he keeps you riveted to the Hungarian Rhapsodies and other featured works  from start to finish.

I did have a few of this performances originally on lp so it was nice to be acquainted with them again.
At the same time I ordered Liszt: Piano concertos 1 &2 plus two other works to round off the collection that I managed to fit into the box set in effect turning it into Czaffra plays Lizst set.
EMI Encore 7243 574736 2 0
Orchestra de Paris conducted by  Georgy Cziffra Jr with Georges Czaffra on piano
Electrifying performances from 1971/2.

The mature Tammy is real.

This life precedes the blog which itself has been going for large chunk of time I really began to explore more how being a Sissy really is from the inside for me, Tammy in all its various elements because we are more than sum of all our parts as much as we are not just one.

Because one may be the dominant form at that moment and for me it is more the Little Sissy Gurl does not mean I  don't have a more adolescent or even young adult set set of needs that, in an appropriate setting will come out.

We have always seen ourselves as been feminine so in time worked on our presentations, expanded our range of interests as we rejected the stereotypes we were pushed into when people thought we were boys but in reality were were more like girls but different.

We found girls who were interested in what made us different , who saw how we hated how we were so spent time working on our appearances, applying perfume and make up enjoying it, nay just letting them fem us up.

In the beginning it was more about getting that mismatch between how society saw us, how in heads we saw ourselves and how we acted socially bright more into line so we felt good about ourselves so we had a look and knew how to act as that gurl in girl spaces.

We increasingly took our clues from girls as we grew up or at least as much as some of us could as they grew up from playing with our dollies to exploring dressing ourselves up but as you get to that stage growing up there's a component of you that comes out that connects with all of that.

Tammy was and is no different as indeed are most girls who move into womanhood.

At first it seems so repulsive, that being that playful little gurl playing with hur dollies, colouring, hugging hur teddy enjoying physical games has now moved into having sexual desires that you feel the need to satisfy.

You dress sexually, you wear make up to attract real boys and men have sex with you because you want what you never could give a girl but as a sissy gurl your gender was ALWAYS connected to your sexuality as it would emerge.

Like most girls, sissy gurl you also wanted to let him take you panties down and take their advances.

You tried to deny it, even stopped for periods being that gurl but you really couldn't be anything else.

Thing is you have choices about when and on any one day if you want to act on those sexual desires so as more common I'm being more my non sexual little self I can enjoy that without feeling unclean or people taking advantage of being that way.

When I don't or my head is more in adult mode I can be as sexually playful as I feel, craving sexual relief just like all the other "sissy sluts". Miss D was correct to identify that two years ago.

If you're in a relationship and that includes more adult thoughts, there is nothing wrong or shameful in dreaming about sex and what you can offer to meet your own needs.

After all many a woman balances being a worker, a housekeeper, a mother with keeping her man happy enjoying great sex.

As a gurl, so can Tammy and like Girls too on hur terms

Tammy is a Sissy Slut and there's nothing wrong with it.

The Red Bird, Blue Cat and Leader of the pack edition

The last few weeks have seen me revisiting a few childhood favourites when it comes to popular music.

For instance for a brief period in the mid sixties the Red Bird and Blue cat lables had some of hippest music around from a wide range of artists with a lot of close harmony girl groups such as the Dixie Cups. 

Unfortunately connected with the reasons the label shut down, many of the final mixed down 'master tapes' ended going to various odd bods as payment for debts resulting many later release in both the lp and cd eras suffering.

Recently Real Gone Music out out a cd with 20 tracks called "The Red Bird Girls for the Very first time in STEREO" newly remixed from the session floor tapes in stereo offering a new and much cleaner two channel sound on tracks such as Bessie Banks, Go Now, The AdLibs The Boy from New York City and many more.

One of the most famous groups on the label was the unforgettable Shangri-La's whose dark soap opera in two and a half minutes drama's such as Leader Of The Pack, I Can Never Go Home No More and Past, Present and Future really pushed the enveloped for what could be achieved by soundscapes.

Most of the cds of their hits suffer from poor sound quality but in 2002 England's RPM records redid the good Myrmidoms of Melodrama compilation improving on the sound and finding stereo versions of several tracks including Remember (walking in the sand) and I recently picked up a copy.

As well as regular readers know I've always loved Bobby Vees music and finally picked up the Bobby Vee singles Collection, a the cd set issued by EMI UK in 2006 covering ever a and b side cut for Liberty records by him from the late 50's through 1978 most of which appear in top quality stereo.

It's the best compilation of his material out there I'd have to say being well worth the modest cost Amazon UK are currently charging for it.

The battle to be Frilly but Sissy

Sometimes it has seemed a battle of the wills between one group of people who saw me as a transsexual and another lot who rigidly thought I ought to be more of a boy when really all I am is a sissy gurl.

All I ever wanted to do was express my feminine side as the occasion took me it might be a pair of shorts but worn more girlie or on a good many more something like a skirt and a dress and all with frilly panties, girlies knee socks or tights on while playing with girls.

Had that of happened during childhood it might of gone a bit more like this...

The gender pronoun confusion is telling in that but I'm a hur, a gurl not a Her or a Girl and a long way removed socially from a boy whatever the physical sex might be.

All I want when I'm with Littles is to be who I am.

Tammy the Sissy Gurl

Birthday classical cds

As I mentioned I had a number of classical music cds this birthday which ties very well into the adult little gurl birthday theme as it always was big part of my childhood so I'll take this entry to talk about them.

It's a very long time ago actually it would of been in my late teens actually that I first heard anything by Bruckner as his music wasn't what I'd call programmed at school in the way that say Dvorak was.

I bought a few lps on the old Vox/Turnabout label that Decca distributed at the time but when in the late 80's I was moving after a period mixing tape with lps to cd exclusively this discs left my house.

I had been on the look out for an affordable set of his symphonies for some time and following some discussion on a forum, I thought I'd look this set up.

Although recorded in the early days of stereo Eugen Jochum's spirited performance spread on nine discs each holding one symphony unlike some others such as Wands 70's set holds up well and comes in space saving box with the discs in card sleeves.

"Bernstein conducts Bernstein" Somy/Bmg 7 cd set.
Back in 1991 Sony compiled a nine cd set of all of Leonard Bernstein's works that he recorded himself which would of set you back about GBP £90 or more new.
In 2011 as part of their Masters series of box sets by Sony Music, this set was rejigged to fit on 7 discs sans notes for a very low price.

Included in it were his recordings of Candide, symphonic Dances from "West Side Story", symphonic Suite from "On The Waterfront" movie score, fancy Free, a selection from on the town, Prelude, Fudge & Riffs and heaps more.

I had the old 1986 CBS Masterwork cd with a number of these recordings on and this sounds much improved with respect to frequency range and smoothness .
It's the  kind of set you dip into at will.

Delius: Violin Sonatas 1 thru 3
Tasmin Little & Piers Lane
Conifer
This was a disc I had been interested in that originally came out at full price in 1997 having had a soft spot for English music from the early part of the twentieth century.

I have a lot of music by Elgar and while being familiar with other British composers  thanks to a decent music education  at my high school (we didn't just learn about making music and composers, we actually performed!), I got a complete set of Ralph Vaughan Williams symphonies.

The acclaimed British conductor Sir Adrian Boult was going through an 'Indian summer' late in his life and by good fortune EMI/Angel got him to make stereo recordings of works he'd previously recorded. This set with either the London Philharmonic or the New Philharmonia Orchestras remains one of the finest ever of these works.

And what works from A Sea symphony with its glorious singing through to Sinfornia antartica inspired by Scott's 1912 South Pole adventures these symphonies are amongst the finest of the last century. Originally reissued from the early 1990's onward they have placed in a boxed set for an inexpensive price -cost me £15.99  new - representing a bargain. (EMI 8  7484 2 5cds)

The Wasps is a highly effective soundscape of that insect! It really buzzes in the overture!!!

The Lark Ascending
Five Variants of Dives  & Lazarus
The Wasps-Aristophanic suite
London Philharmonic Orchestra cond Vernon Handley
CD EMX 9508 Issued in 1985 and one of the very first in Emi Eminence series to be issued on cd in 1987

Partita for Double String orchestra
Concerto for Oboe  and Strings
Fantasia on a theme by Thomas Tallis
Fantasia on Greensleeves
Royal Liverpool Phiharmonic Orchestra cond Vernon Handley with Jonathan Small on Oboe
CD EMX 2197
1991 recording on Emi Eminence

Sibelius was a very famous Finnish composer who sadly also had a drinks problem whose  works I first encountered in the late 1980's buying on impulse a 4 cd set of his symphonies after playing to death a cd of his Tone poems such as Finlandia.

I decided to get the 1993 world premier recording of the entire music from the score set to Shakespeare's play

The Tempest
Lahti Symphony Orchestra cond Osmo Vanska
Bis  CD581

Some of us had our minds blown on American music by people like Copland, Bernstein, Gershwin, Ives, Piston and this guy called Hanson.
I got this one used from a vendor in the same town I work in:
Hanson conducts Hanson
Symphonies 1 & 3; Song of Domocracy
Hanson Eastman-Rochestra orchestra
Mercury 432 008-2
plus
Symphony no3, Elegy &  Lament for Beuwulf
Mercury 434 302-2

Finally I got two Stravinsky cds:

Symphony no1, Symphony in C

Ode

Symphony in Three Movements

Symphonies of Wind Instruments *

The Fairy's Kiss (ballet) **

Scottish National Orchestra  cond Sir Alexander Gibson * SNO with Neeme Jarvi

** Nash Essemble cond Sir Simon Rattle

Chandros CHAN 241-8 

Note: 2 cd  twofer re-issue of previous full price discs with stunning recording and playing.

Stravinsky: 

Concerto in E Flat "Dumbarton Oakes"

Concerto in D from String

Danses concertantes

Cantata on Old English texts

English chamber Orchestra cond Sir Colin Davis

London Enterprise 425 622-2

These will complement nicely my collection of his ballet scores covering his later more neo classical compositions.

Reuniformed for a Magical Day

 

We'll begin with something that may seem trivial but is kind of important.

The naturalness of feminine boys like me wearing skirts is obvious from both an aesthetic point of view we look good in skirts and also the practical fitting in well in a school uniform setting where they are hard wearing.

Today was my birthday although in truth I don't get any older really, it's just a continuous loop.

I had a new fluffy goose filled pillow and a Hello Kitty duvet and pillow cover to further transform my sleeping experience because I find it so much more relaxing in a little feminine boy headspace surround by plushies, teddy bears and HK posters whenever I sleep complete with HK sleeping attire on or need to rest during the day in uniform being poorly.

I have to say a day after having both rested and slept since petting it on, I feel more restful confirming that surrounded in this headspace I do feel smaller, having looked from the corner of too I see a little girl in her element and for me this feeling is priceless.

Also I had a Disney colouring book as thanks to the Christmas colouring a number of us did I re-connected to colouring even though I can only do a little a day with my condition, I found it relaxing, being able to switch off from groan up stuff.

I also had some reading books by Jacqueline Wilson sho I think is wonderful and these were, 'The worst thing about my sister','The Worry Website' and 'Midnight' plus the dvd of Tangled.

In this returned to the past life skirts feature so Tammy wore their grey skirt and long socks as the little sissy gurl they are.