Exploration and integration of the Whole Sissy Gurl

This blog is broad in scope which is in most respects its strength for dealing with the whole of being a feminine sissy gurl rather than just reducing it to looks, things connected with gender identity and sexuality.

The flip side of that is the challenge in presenting more overt topics in ways that don't cause issues with blogger or come over needlessly explicit.

There are two sides of being a sissy gurl for me, the first and main one is more around being a little, being more child-like and the second is a bit older, more teen plus side that having been through adolescence, given the opportunity has the drive explore more hur sexual needs  some of which may go more around more adult sides of being a sissy.

We may as well just say that side does come out in terms of sexual fantasies, I do get sexually needy at times which isn't being met by others and that comes out through stimulating a release which gives me a big buzz.

Many who do use their fingers to bring on such feelings but for me one thing is actually my fingers are damaged being swollen though an industrial injury and that the attempt can lead to friction burns.

Thus I have decided to get a "girls" toy that I can control the intensity of and direct to stimulate my sissy clit to orgasm as often as I feel the need to.

Working from the base of my sissy clit it feels fairly natural and is helping me met in enjoyable ways those needs as is working on the acceptance of this whole side, being able to navigate the lane I take a left into and where it doesn't feel right, to take the the right turn knowing each is valid and both are part of the sissy gurl I am.

The conflict starts

As we have seen so far in while I was quite happy being a boy albeit with a few unstereotypical interests and like looking very like a boy to the point I preferred to stay in grey shorts rather than  the longs high school required when not sneaking on skirts, there was a problem emerging around how my gender needs as male and a teen boy who would at least legally become a man were being met.

They were not being met which badly effected my self confidence and in a number ways I was being pushed toward a female as norm mindset by people who were supposed to look after me without any help in expressing my increased awareness of being a sissy in a world we didn't officially have a space in.

The other thing was that in all honest I remained a child.

The only thing I was was born a boy albeit one with feminine interests and a penchant for wanting to wear skirts and dresses that were more that of girls rather than being a growing up girl on the cusp of becoming an adult female aka a Woman.

I just preferred to be a sissy gurl rather than an adult man or woman.

Gender reveal and the final school years

I had written a bit around school life before on this blog around the age I was in junior school but over time as I transitioned to high school at eleven and a half the certainties and accommodations slotting in a gender divided world kicked in.

For one thing the social world of play where I could navigate between playing with boys and girls went as they moved away from playing and into adolescent matters even though mentally I still felt a young child.

And for another where I was comfortable of sorts wearing short trousers although I had showed a like for wearing skirts, boys pressured you even more than the grown ups into waring long trousers and being more like a man, something I did not feel anything like.

Thus this period for me was one of hidden exploration of gurlishness as I wore from choice skirts, blouses, tights and knickers from wherever I could find them and even where of I was lucky, girls were prepared to make me up as one.

Given the changes within me and also within the girls I associated with against the odds and queer bashing that went on, I also started to explore the more sensual, sexual side of sissiness too wearing camisole tops with matching french knickers and stockings as a gurl in the same way girls explored it.

Like them I found I wanted what boys could give me.

This said I kept parts of the younger me such as my love of teddies and plushies as did many of my female friends and unlike most of them I still had and loved to act in my more junior side playing and otherwise being a young child just more able to be hur.

It was my GENDER REVEAL as a sissy gurl.

The mature Tammy is real.

This life precedes the blog which itself has been going for large chunk of time I really began to explore more how being a Sissy really is from the inside for me, Tammy in all its various elements because we are more than sum of all our parts as much as we are not just one.

Because one may be the dominant form at that moment and for me it is more the Little Sissy Gurl does not mean I  don't have a more adolescent or even young adult set set of needs that, in an appropriate setting will come out.

We have always seen ourselves as been feminine so in time worked on our presentations, expanded our range of interests as we rejected the stereotypes we were pushed into when people thought we were boys but in reality were were more like girls but different.

We found girls who were interested in what made us different , who saw how we hated how we were so spent time working on our appearances, applying perfume and make up enjoying it, nay just letting them fem us up.

In the beginning it was more about getting that mismatch between how society saw us, how in heads we saw ourselves and how we acted socially bright more into line so we felt good about ourselves so we had a look and knew how to act as that gurl in girl spaces.

We increasingly took our clues from girls as we grew up or at least as much as some of us could as they grew up from playing with our dollies to exploring dressing ourselves up but as you get to that stage growing up there's a component of you that comes out that connects with all of that.

Tammy was and is no different as indeed are most girls who move into womanhood.

At first it seems so repulsive, that being that playful little gurl playing with hur dollies, colouring, hugging hur teddy enjoying physical games has now moved into having sexual desires that you feel the need to satisfy.

You dress sexually, you wear make up to attract real boys and men have sex with you because you want what you never could give a girl but as a sissy gurl your gender was ALWAYS connected to your sexuality as it would emerge.

Like most girls, sissy gurl you also wanted to let him take you panties down and take their advances.

You tried to deny it, even stopped for periods being that gurl but you really couldn't be anything else.

Thing is you have choices about when and on any one day if you want to act on those sexual desires so as more common I'm being more my non sexual little self I can enjoy that without feeling unclean or people taking advantage of being that way.

When I don't or my head is more in adult mode I can be as sexually playful as I feel, craving sexual relief just like all the other "sissy sluts". Miss D was correct to identify that two years ago.

If you're in a relationship and that includes more adult thoughts, there is nothing wrong or shameful in dreaming about sex and what you can offer to meet your own needs.

After all many a woman balances being a worker, a housekeeper, a mother with keeping her man happy enjoying great sex.

As a gurl, so can Tammy and like Girls too on hur terms

Tammy is a Sissy Slut and there's nothing wrong with it.

Being honest about the Bigger Side

This time last year was different for feeling like there was a massive eruption inside me as with Miss D's influence layers of the more adult side of me were unpeeled rather like an onion as she found what was hidden, what if the right circumstances occurred just spring forth as much as most of the time I'm more littles so that stuff would be off limits. 

It would all be about curves and looking your sexiest enjoying the feel and looks sure but with an eye towards where that would take me.

Indeed it would be what happens next to Tammy?

In adult sissy mode we found out most of this would apply - it was what I felt I truly desired with only actual enslavement rejected and that I only need to be what I am - a Gurl - and not girl because I do not desire being an adult female by sex being only feminine by gender with all that goes with it.

In some ways the shift from Little to Big is more like this, a means to fulfilling those post adolescent needs but not connected to bdsm culture and where any domination is "soft".

It's also about having the confidence to break out and let it all happen.

The sissy part in the T psyche

This one often puzzles people be they researchers, the entire trans-gendered community and Mr & Mrs Joe Bloggs of Averagesville, Alberta.

The thing we are talking about is Gender variance the way in which as individuals we vary from the gender we were brought up with because of the mishmash between our physiological state (for the most part) and how we saw ourselves in our gender roles.

A few years ago a ground breaking book was published The Transgender Phenomenon by Ekins & King which set apart the attempt to define in the old sharply different way that of the Transvestite and the Transsexual.

They identified four main types of variance:

(1)               Migrating – moving wholly over to the female which is what most would put Transsexuals

(2)               Oscillating – going back and forth between roles which traditionally Transvestites would come under

(3)               Negating - activities and roles where gender expression is made to be inferior or otherwise less important, eg sissification

(4)               Transending – going beyond conventional binary genders

We're all different but having read several pieces by people who do love their 'sissy' side it does seem likely that for a number of us being in a setting with either a Mistress or  your S.O  where they are calling the shots does it for us.

It does probably because firstly we are looking to be re-raised to be female under their tuition as we play catch up, we want to feel we have met their standards as superiors.

Being 'forced', put into uniforms to carry out tradition female roles is an initiation we feel we need and also get of on as we no longer have to battle with our will to change – we going to be changed.

Also I feel many of us do have a genuine love of prettiness, a child like innocence and girlish unthreateningness – the boys were always on the cusp a big dangerous dare – and yes a touch romantic in our outlooks (we want a happy ending).

What of the Dominatrix? Maybe  just maybe it has a symbolism of the Dominate mother like figure and of the  strength of the female world we aspire to.

On one hand sissification can just an extension of “forced feminisation”, on the other it can be more. 

It can be about submission and exploring the far reaches of femininity as a counterpoint to a masculine world.

For me this period has been interesting for being under the influence of person who is taking me way beyond my comfort zone to find the parts that are hidden.

This was one assigment I was ordered to do:

Here's what you do for your next pose x x - especially for your short - short slut skirt. 

Find a chair, sit in it, cross your legs - and let your skirt ride up over your thighs and expose your stocking tops and give us a little peek at your panties. 

You need to sit at a slight angle to the camera - not straight on.And another good thing for you to try is to properly stuff your bra - try different sizes of breasts to help you decide which size is just right for you and then, add a little more...

Don't be afraid to take several shots from slightly different angles.. All it takes is a little patience and you'll end up with quite a hot picture that screams slut!

I do like the outfit - it suits you. I think you have found the proper you. How does that make you feel x x - that you might be best suited to being a shameless slut?Miss D

Very good! Are you pleased with the result? You should be - you look quite nice - enticing - a glimpse of panties, thighs bared, shiny fingernails - quite femmed.

You are just being a pretty gurl posing with a hint of sexuality - there is nothing wrong with that. I think you captured the essence perfectly.

Personally I found it a relief to find and let out my sexual side, embracing it, advertising my availability.  I have a "Slut" side in me.

If it takes a dominant to jolt me out of any inner censoring letting it all out then so be it.

What sayeth you?