Christmas 2018

The day is finally came and I was out of my jim jams and into my pinafore dress, shirt, school tie and grey socks ready to get some breakfast sorted before opening the presents.

Starting this Christmas edition like last year made 'on the hoof', Elgar has always called with most my recordings being from the very late 1970's to the 1980's.

This newish acclaimed one, came out in 2016 offers two works I did not have and adds them in both stereo and surround sound in Super Audio cd quality (playable also in regular cd).
It will no doubt be treasured.

The Dandy is the always the Dandy, one a few comics I had as child and while sadly it no longer comes out weekly, it does have summer specials and this annual that stay with the original stories and indeed do even have reprints of cartoon strips from past years

One difference this year is I didn't get the Beano annual because there has been a big change in how the more traditional cartoon series have been drawn, in some such as Dennis the Menace written so he doesn't actually menace that messes up the whole backdrop to the character and a move toward so-called political correctness in the newer stories.

Instead I opted for this compilation issued to mark the 65th anniversary of Minnie The Minx  which consists of reprints of classic adventures as is which is a tribute to a heroine of mine.

I did however pick up the 2018 Christmas special edition which as 68 pages and printed more like a softback magazine.

lt fits in where I'd of had the comic editions across Christmas showing had I'd of had them being a good example of where the comic is at today.

I got the compilation in the "Classic" series entitled Food fights with stories on that theme from the Dandy and Beano archives with stories involving Korky the cat, Winker Watson, Dennis The Menace and others I loved as a boy.

 Finally a new anime for me to watch in blu ray and regular dvd too.

And another but this one is just in blu ray.

This was a much talked about anthropomorphic animated film from 2016 that I had as a 'stocking filler' on Blu-Ray.

Because I am a adult little gurl I had a couple of pairs of David Luke gym knickers for when I'm away and we do sports.

I also had some money and vouchers.

We had a turkey roast for dinner and a Christmas pudding that I microwaved with cream afterward before I cleared the table and went off for a walk.

I hope everyone has had an enjoyable Christmas.

On Gender

It is heading towards Christmas and  new year and bearing in mind  I established a Tumblr earlier in the year you start to hear much discourse around the who question of identities and who belongs in what camp as it were.

I have never made any claim to be anything other than me even if at times I had been playing catch up with all the terms and definitions as I lack much of that to try to explain just where I fit in with all of it.

Despite the best attempts of others put impose a narrative more suited to them on me, the one thing I have learned this year is I unequivocally identify as a boy at the biological sexual level and is a part of my social gender.

I have no desire to be or become a female because I like my body and moreover my feminine side is uber female and goes off the normal female scale.

It is however quite true to say some of my interests and traits  are traditionally seen as feminine which was an issue certainly in my schoolboy years although today some are seen more acceptable for boys to do or pursue.

I will not dodge what some have seen as the elephant in the room which is to do like to gender present at variance to that of boys in skirts and dresses more suiting of child rather than that of an adult.

That can show in wearing the skirts and dresses of  school uniform traditionally associated with girls at times.

I am also a gurl with a kawaii crush liking cute t shirts and socks who loves wearing soft pretty and  frilly panties under hur skirts.

Some have suggested that those feminine sides mean I am of the female gender or I'm a transgendered person.

People do when it comes to social roles and interests differ when measured against stereotypical norms so the sporty girl or the ballet loving boy are still girl and boy respectively.

To me that's more routed in gender roles and expectations as much as sadly some people are left feeling "it would be easier if I was [insert opposite gender].

The nature of transsexuality is however it's not just the leaving of the social trappings of gender but implies you also wish to leave the body you were in because you want/desire the physical form of the gender you feel you are and not just at the point of wanting to 'fit in'.

People have defied convention expressing themselves or even presenting outwardly as a gender different to the one recorded without any surgery sometimes for short periods on occasions for most of their lives.

In my case I know I'm neither male or female by gender and actually I fall more under sissy gurl even with a few variants within that which I discovered some years ago.

I today call myself a Sissy Gurl or go under feminine boy as any grown up sexuality is totally different from your sense of gender anyway.

Being free to be the sissy gurl you are

 

When I was growing up in the 70’s, the goal was to achieve a society in which a male or a female might do or become anything they wanted, without their sexual identity being questioned. Boys could play with dolls, girls could climb trees, anyone could wear anything they wanted or do anything they wanted, without it impacting what we now call “gender.” It was a great goal. 

I could and have every right to wear a skirt and to play with dolls as part of expressing the more feminine side  of me as much as I could the rough and tough side cos they're all me.

If you want to get a feel for what that movement was about, listen to Marlo Thomas’ , Free to Be You and Me, a famous series of songs recorded to help introduce children to this concept. Boys can cry, girls can compete in races…nothing you say or do changes what you inherently are.

Our conversation about gender appears to have taken a step backwards. Once more we are talking about ‘male’ and ‘female’ behaviours, and suggesting that if one gender does something associated with the other gender, the gender must be wrong. Once more we are creating boxes to define and contain gender identity, and if you step outside the box, it is deemed a denial of that identity.

Some men like to wear women’s clothing. Some girls disdain traditional “feminine” activities. The first group are still men, and the second still girls. We do them a terrible disservice when we read deeper things into that. Not every pair of high heels on a guy is a cry for help.

A trans man feels like he has always been a male, just in a female body. He has always felt like a male, regardless of what he wears. A trans woman has always felt female. Sometimes this manifests in traditional activities, and certainly clothing is used to help present the correct gender, but at its core it is a deeper, more fundamental issue than what toys one plays with or what clothes one is wearing.

I did have a love of flowers and some collectable porcelain dolls of various girls which in that era wasn't very cool to admit to other boys which was a shame, I liked to wear skirts as much as shorts but that didn't mean I had a deep seated need to change my sex because I was happy to be a biologically boy and to be a sissy gurl when it comes to gender role and presentation.

I have the right to be treated as sissy gurl and for hur adult sides needs to be met.

Role playing?

There are times when I do feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall  of one one them is when it is people insist this thing I write about is just a role play that I elect to play some of the time.

Now it isn't that there's anything wrong of itself with role playing someone who is younger although people do argue about how far and in what context it should be if that is what you feel (and clearly there is a need as it is being met commercially).

No, it's that for some of us it is more going back in your headspace so you are responding as if you were that child or for people like me that in reality a chunk of you is always in a child-like mode and that in effect you are an adult sized child.

Now interesting at a mainstream spanking site of all places there was a link placed to an online magazine that used a actual 1936 test for Emotional Age that people such as psychologists did use to assess the emotional maturity of people as distinct from going just by chronological age.

As it happened I did it which involved answering with a Yes or No a series of twenty-five questions based on certain scenarios, a marking scheme and a calculation to convert the marks to assessed Emotional Age.

The result I got from this was shockingly close to how I had assessed in my own head my my emotional age as I know to be very truthful I am 'immature' in certain respects and not able to function at an adult level.

The test score made me 11.3 years old.  I have maintained for a good number of years I was around  10 and not older than 12 simply because I never 'felt' older, able to carry what anyone older could and it was obvious even in childhood that was so.

Now let's go back to that assertion and again consider if I am 'age playing' here or not?

NO-what is going on is the handling by the standards more of my own era of a 'child' in effect -me- by adults who of necessity have to be parental, have to do things and set boundaries, reinforcing them strictly.

That's the goddam truth.

Introducing Selena - from christmas of the past

This week we're going forward into the past here by looking at something I had for Christmas but in nineteen seventy-nine instead which as anyone who lived through that time knows also was turbulent politically.

The cold war was very much still on but for all of that trade with what was the U.S.S.R was fairly common place and ownership of soviet era cars, cameras and electrical goods was popular partially down to price compared with West European and Japanese models but also because being in production for longer they did appeal to traditionalists.

The Vega Selena B212 was unlike anything made by Panasonic, Grundig or Sony in a number of ways such as it featured a wooden cabinet which was unheard off aiding the sound.

You just didn't get that then anywhere else.

An unusually feature was the use of a mechanical rotating Turret that had been a common fixture of televisions featuring VHF reception to change the wavebands which again was unusual for a domestic rather than one designed for radio operators in that it had five short wave bands that typically were used for international broadcasting as  the signals could travel thousands of miles.

The one criticism that could be made was the tuning scale was only marked in a fairly rudimentary way but in terms of sensitivity it was surprisingly good and it did feature a signal strength indicator that could be illuminated.

Frequencies are marked in metres except for FM where they use megahertz.

The waveband in use was indicated directly through a cut out on the tuning scale.

That was major appeal to me as listening to short wave transmissions is something I did from an early age so to have it on fairly portable radio - weighing four kilos it is fairly portable and not as light as most of competition was an advantage.

This is the 'gubbins' of it - the main assembly where on the bottom right you can see the turret with its coil packs, on the top  the old school but still good silver hatted transistors because no integrated circuits were used, plus on the far left mains cord connector, D.I.N. connector for monaural record and replay from tape recorders and a earphone socket.

 As well on the turret is the AM antenna and ground connectors although for AM there is a ferrite rod and for FM and shortwave a telescopic antenna built in on the top of the case.

It was relatively inexpensive too so to have something that performed well, looked like a piece of furniture and portable was great.

It was the radio I listened to the Abba concert from Wembley on that Christmas and one reason why I fondly remember having it.

A reflective day

 

Much of the last month or so has been a bit like this walking around the country lanes, taking in all the sounds, sights and smells of the outdoors because in a lot of way I feel I need that total experience to be at the best I can.

That's why in someway I'm not a good online buddy if you expect me to hang around  and sometimes the deficits in how I see things not least my ability to 'read' lead situations where I'm feeling very much in the headlamps, dazzled, confused and with an overriding instinct to protect myself.

I prefer more group or face to face interaction really and yes I like to wear skirts doing so as a feminine boy for a while now.

Sparkle In Your Eye:

When I look at you, I see the sparkle in your eye, 

It tells me what's true and never tells a lie.

The sparkle in your eye, 

Even when you are sad, never does it cry.

Whenever it expresses its feelings, 

It tells me straight away, 

What you are stealing, 

Without doing a survey.

It tells when you'll fall, 

So I'll catch you like a ball.

It's the sparkle in your eye that says, 

You'll make it in the next couple of days.

The sparkle in your eye, 

Never, ever shall it die. 

By Ulveena Aitzaz from Lahore

Poetry was one thing I really enjoyed at school, reading learning and reciting it in front of the class, traditional European as well as Japanese styles.

Spooky weekend

This weekend last I was away for what is a highlight in littles life, parties, and in particular the Halloween one staged by a friend here in the Midlands which for me meant a short train journey and a lift.

Although compared with certain other events I attend this was comparatively short in terms of days away, obviously bringing things to literally add to the party soon takes up space so I needed a full complement of tote bags and case.

Having arrived back, the first task was to get the fire light and a brew on because three more people were staying overnight on the Friday after finding a good spot tm to put my stuff as with fourteen of us being here for Saturday and Sunday space in the front room in particular would be at a premium.

Some things I brought for Saturday's buffet  were taken out and the Pumpkin the host had brought for me saving trying to carry that on the train was paid for.

As well by prior arrangement I'd be sleeping in their so it made sense to put what I needed at hand but not in other folks way.

I sorted out my advance Christmas card pile for folk and got out my Hello Kitty white and pink plushie.

It wasn't long before the first two guests arrived which as our host was otherwise  detained I let in and by the time the last one of the day had made it it was time to get some food going.

We had a big pork chop with well cooked rind, roast potatoes from the garden which I washed for the host and another helped with vegetables.

The remainder of the evening was taken up with much conversation punctuated with bangs from a local firework display.

Come Saturday morning I was up fairly early in a grey jumper and wine coloured pleated skirt ready to take my pills and fix a spot of breakfast after rounding up stray cups and glasses.

 As people were coming later on, I had a few things to do of which one was to help out and that involved converting Gingerbread persons into Gingerbread Girls by decorating them.

I used eatable cake icing to add eyes, tops and skirts for them 

I made a number of variations on a theme which included one as a girl soccer player.

By about One pm most people had arrived so our Host and friend set on making Burger with fried onion and to which another and brought salad together with sauces to add to suit your own taste.

Getting on fur just after Two pm the last four guest had arrived in time for theirs.

Soon it was time for Fred and Florence's Exceeding Good Food Hunt which was a kind of treasure hunt out of doors where you had to find one item for which there was a prize which then lead to clue for the next and so on until we got to the last one where everyone had something - for me it was a caramel filled chocolate bar.

The next event was also out of doors, namely Pumpkin Carving to which several people had brought various tools to get into the pumpkin with and most of us remembered first time to save the top we'd cut out ready for the tea light to be fitted.

Finished mine looked a bit like this.
We went indoors to clean up and otherwise get ourselves ready for the cold buffet that included Pizza, pork pies, salad and a home made trifle with cream.

By just after 19:00 it was time to put on warmer attire as it was time for our bonfire to be lit a safe distance from us which was a good idea as it turned a bit breezy. I had my Puma trackpants on.

It roared loudly with much crackling as people held sparklers waving them about.
Then we started our firework display oohing and aahing to the vibrant colours and sounds.

After a short break it was time for the music quiz which had food connections where a tune was played and you had to guess the answer with the winner being given a Cabbage.

The was much lively conversation until just before one in the morning when I got to bed.
I was as ever the first up and dressed this time in a green jumper - our host likes green apparently - ready to take my tablets and have a cup of tea as gradually everyone got up and about.

We had a bacon sandwich  to keep us going before we went to a gastro-pub within walking distance for a meal together before we all set off as some people had three hours or more to travel and it is a nice way to end a weekend together.

I had a turkey roast with trimmings and sticky toffee treacle with cream which arrived very efficiently given it was really busy with diners plus regular drink trade.
Upon arrival back at our hosts venue, everyone said their goodbyes before we meet again next year.

It was a fun packed weekend for this adult little girl.