Return to studying

My life is evolving not least since the last few years with bits of that being said at certain sites like Angels, sometimes referenced on here but in truth it's going to take this blog in differing direction.

One part of that has been studying across weekends to tackle some of my very real problems in core areas such as everyday Maths and English which with the odd pause for weekends away or illness has been going on since the beginning of this year.

Since I had been away last weekend the resumption of studying this weekend tackling the outstanding English work taking our time was set so I don’t over do things but equally I not allowed  to get away with not doing the things I can do.

It’s always been easier to sit around not doing things either expecting an exemption, or because those who might of expected anyone else to  seem to think I shouldn’t to the point they never really saw what I could do because they never had me try it or I was feeling like being bone lazy.

So for a very long time my default was to do nothing and in so far anything like studying went  if it wasn’t going to be easy then plenty of people would just let me do next to nothing even while it may of hard going, I could of done something more.

That’s really thing that is changing both with the studying having to do things I find hard, coping with flare ups of some of my conditions which consideration is given to and even being with people where I am expected to help out, contributing in kind that people are helping me turn around those old habits being prepared to pull me over a lap for a firm spanking when I didn’t do it which truthfully is what the child emerging teen should of gotten apart from having some kind of agreed chores list.

Thinking over how I have dealt with my recent paw problems plus my more recent visits staying with people underscores this so much.

Reading for me

Reading is something I do enjoy although it has to be said my reading age is like the rest of developmentally me at a more child-like one so I generally read junior fiction finding even many 'young adults' fiction goes very much over my head so it's not something you can fix by just looking the odd word up in your dictionary.

I do enjoy stories centred on home and school life finding then easy to empathize to and relate with.

I quite like this, a cartoon based on the Enid Blyton The Naughtiest Girl series where Elizabeth Allen is sent to a unique co-ed boarding school hating the very idea as she really dislikes structure being impulsive and given for saying just what she thinks.

What is so unique about this school is in many ways it's those very school children who set the rules and in effect discipline each other with the adults in the background for guidance, the idea being they'll learn to  be self disciplined more by co-opting it rather than being made to.

Changesonebowie redux

Between studying I have been listening to some music and arriving last Friday was this, the vinyl reissue of the very first David Bowie compilation entitled changesonebowie that came out originally in 1976.

It was the first album that featured John I'm Only Dancing and in the eyes of many had a seamless unity running through the selection that made it most satisfying to play from start to finish starting with Space Oddity through Jean Genie to Golden Years from his Station to Station album issued early in 1976.
The cover photograph is very iconic.

It was reissued May 20th  in random form with half the copies on standard black vinyl an the other clear like the above one with no indication which you'll be getting!

Although this is sourced from high resolution digital files it does sound better than the original UK album overall and is noticeably cheaper to buy compared to a used original!
Having so many of my favourite 45's from childhood playing this was a enjoyable trip through time so I'm glad to have got it.

A weekend away

I'm just starting on writing this, an account of sorts of how this last weekend went recovering from the excitement as well as the heat of the last few days.

For me, time spent in little/middle headspace is time well spent simply for being me with this weekends adventure beginning with catching  the local bus to  get a connection to our principal rail station on which I consumed my packed lunch as I would be travelling across my usual meal times.

That made sense as I had some time to kill as the bus and trains don't quite tie in so well so I though I might as well check the destination boards, confirm which platform the train is due in and get there.

My train came in on time which London Midland trains usually do so I got on board with a case and two tote bags enjoying the ride through the new section of track at Norton Bridge which is helping with line capacity before arriving in South Staffordshire.
Why was I with two tote bags I hear you cry?

Hmm this was connected mainly with the second day which required food to be transported not my dollies and plushies because there was no space in the case for all of that!

Here I was met the the person who looks after me and we set of on foot through the busy town centre with its street stores calling in a shop and the market before getting into the car toward their home.

Having arrived I changed into my grey pinafore dress and had on my red and white stripped tie where I helped with the gardening, had fun out of doors and generally socialized enjoying our local butchers Pork chop and vegetables.

Sunday was the day of the  picnic as organized by a friend which generally involves a lot of bring various food  such as sandwiches, pies, cake and sausage rolls together with soft drinks to a well known view in South East England to share between ourselves and teddy bears.

We flew colourful kites competing with some massive model airplanes or venue users had, ran around blowing bubbles the size of clouds on the thermals, something I just loved, building massive plushie piles sometimes over people, a few played an acoustic guitar (How about playin' Birthday from "White Album"?) while we mark two peoples birthdays.

The weather was very sunny and hot - so sun cream sure was needed - and several bought ice creams no doubt to help.

Because we needed to get back early we didn't return to the organizers home so travelled back for an overnight stay.

I was up about a quarter of Five Monday morning to catch the six-twenty train to my local rail station before taking a taxi back home for a little after half seven in the morning.

I'd like to conclude this by thanking my friend for looking after me, everybody  at the picnic for bringing fun with them because it was what we all needed.

You have the right to the consequences for your own actions

I was away for a couple of days with the one who looks after me which isn't unusual but in a sign of the times not only was I in feminine little sissy gurl in a dress but things were going be different than a few years back for me.

That was close to the scene I experienced, Sunday but not featuring a broken object but rather a wet floor when I went to pick up a hot drink and spilled a bit of it on the floor.

It wasn't that I don't have problems picking cups up because I do but because I didn't pay sufficient attention to how I was holding it and apart from the mess that I had to clean up, had it of landed on me, then I'd of scolded myself.

That is why I got a hard firm hand spanking on the spot over my underwear  to underscore the consequences of my actions, not either one involving implements or no spanking at all, just enough to impress on me the importance of being careful with hot drinks.

I am very grateful for being spanked for this.

The other thing about the period I was away was  I had to help out, doing the dishes, setting the table, assisting with gardening and even putting the washing out to dry as I was informed I  have  to "earn my keep".

I cannot just turn up and expect people to do things for me anymore so much as from now on I have to be responsible and take a share of what needs to be done as that is a house rule for me to follow.

This was not something I had much of in the past being ushered away from anything 'domestic' and usually in the kitchen but is to change.

Coming out

 

The more I think about the time that has elapsed from the start of the blog, the exploration of really the way I saw me uncovering a few overlapping traits, tearing down the internal walls, tearing off the masks in public settings, the more I just accepted the way things were.

I began to realize I was not in any way driven to be a girl and a woman so much as a biological feminine boy with a strong sissy side at one with ones physical sex but aligning close to but never in the same space as a girl socially.

I never fancied myself as a Woman.

My adult side embraced female domination with a bundle of kinks including sexual ones as much as most of the time the little side is who is out and here I am dune up in a pink gingham school dress in frills and white socks doing some colouring while embracing being a Little Sissy.

The little play for me would of included being "dressed as a girl" by actual girls as much as traditional feminine girls play and socializing.

It is time to be out. 

Towards a Little Sissy School Gurl look

Sometimes  you come back with things you didn't expect and this was one

Way back in late June last year I did get a dark blue gingham school summer dress that I quite liked not least for how Junior it made me feel, which as far as I'm concerned is quite a good  thing and I had been thinking about something in a more classic pink.

Having a few things come Sunday reminded this one with two pleats at the front I like - I'm big on pleats - that caught my eye from a friend which having put it against me, seemed to be just perfect so I paid her for it in notes of the Bank of Purrland.

One thing I have been working upon is my Little Sissy Gurl presentation for when I am with other Little Girls that are either Genetic Girls or more T Gurls who do little girl rather than approximating being a Woman.

These long knee high traditional "Poppy" motif pereline white socks are really more what a sissy gurl like me should be wearing with a dress like this complete with frilly white satin panties to really push the feminine side out rather than say traditional school "regulation" girls gym knickers to give it a more "sissy" edge.