That Boarding School Girl

Recently I had actually gifted to me a book from their collection of "Girls Own" fiction, a genre I do so love by an author I had nothing  by but was part of that 1920's through 1940's boom of school based girls fiction rather like Angela Brazil.

It's a September 30th 2003 reprint by Girls Gone  By of a 1925 classic, the second in the  "St Brides" series of stories she wrote replicating the original text apart from two alterations at the bequest of the Estate of the author where the original text can be found.

Thank you so much for this.

A few notes on this: In some ways this and Nancy at St Brides (see separate review) are rather odd bed fellows with Nancy at St Brides being more a full account of her first term there and this being  the earlier novel that deals with the consequences of her having to leave and her being sent in some disgrace to Maudsley Grammar as a day student under that cloud, very much feeling the need work hard in lessons and keep the impulsive and easily lead of her personality very much under a lid.

Indeed so much did she try her darnmost that the gulf between her effort and the remainder of Form V.B. invited suspicions that when a conversation by arch rival  Larkiston school  students on the bus that included one who knew Nancy's past became common knowledge as it was overheard by Maudsley students, form V.B. become convinced she'd done something wicked.

In truth while what she had been responsible for did had very serious consequences, in reality it was more she wasn't sufficiently mature so failed to realize the recklessness of the situation she'd lead the others into.

It was the Head Mistresses perception she was not mature enough for boarding school that was the real reason she left. [She wasn't expelled according to "at St Brides", contrary to the claim in this novel more recommended not to return next term because of the Heads understanding of the real issue around her conduct].

When eventually the truth did come out  - and not being very happy over it - she is better understood for the grasping of the second chance given to her and becomes more an asset never more so when she steps in at the last moment in a inter school cricket match with Larkiston as Charity Sheringham had injured her hand leading her team to a draw with a memorable performance.

What I learned from being away

I was away for a few days with friends recently and here's some reflections upon that time.

There are some reflections I do feel the need to talk about about on here one is learning to be grateful for what people freely do for you such as seeing I was struggling at one railway station a couple kindly offered to help carry my luggage and even checked when I got to the end of the stairwell I was all right who I no idea of. I thanked them profusely for caring so much and acting on it.

There's the people who kept an eye on me as I was feeling a little homesick where I stayed, spending time with and the friend who knowing the sort of fiction I like, gave me a cherished book from their collection which they sure didn't have to and to which I didn't expect at all after giving them a dolly I thought they'd love.

Then there is a friend of mine who kindly put me up, offering a cooked meal and a lift to the train coming back completely out of the blue, seeing I was on the right platform for my train to come in. Even when I found I simply could not eat the whole of their home made and cooked meal rather than just saying it was very nice-and it was was absolutely lovely- from nowhere I found myself apologizing to them for not finishing my meal clearly feeling contrite.

These acts of kindness really moved me but whereas in the past I'd of blocked out my emotions I thanked them properly for all those things they did not have to do,that I have no right to expect nor demand expressing my gratitude, revealing my sense of being humbled openly.

Another thing was around making sure I stayed within contact while meeting one person after a rail journey, letting them know it was doing  and when I would be seeing them which as you may recall resulted in a lecture and spanking last time which I did.

As well I was asked to keep it on while they were going out of the house for a short period later on because they may be delayed and I just complied with the request with no back chat which showed I had learned from last times experiences.

While a few people needed a reminder to tidy up and put their plates in the dishwasher while we were away, I did not and indeed that I had was held up as an example for others to follow.

I think the one thing I can take away from this period is while I may have some distance to go and the potential to relapse, the six days did show I was moving on, being responsible and how I'm being helped to change is really helping me.  

Modern uniform options

Uniform can sometimes result in quite impassioned debate from those who believe people not least children have a right to individual expression in all settings  to those who feel it can result in less favourable outcomes because it restricts opportunities.

Traditionalists  often feel a uniform policy that goes back to at least the early decades of the twentieth century is about holding true to something they feel hasn't been in the main found wanting and attempts to simplify only hold back from the skills required for adult presentation such as fastening ties, shoes and how to wear a suit properly. 

There is one area I would hold with not least at infant and primary levels with some which is skirts do not lend themselves to free play which happens at playtimes and at home when with friends because a wearer, traditionally a girl is forever worried about flashing their underwear accidentally to the point it reduces their physical activity in the playground.

The same applies with sissiesbut brought up as boys who may be more feminine that would prefer not to wear trousers or short trousers as again a good number love play and that would result in teasing.

In recent years the retailer Marks and Spencers ("M&S") have introduced a school skort into their range of off the shelve uniform which does look more like a skirt to the point of having a traditional back unlike the more shorts like basic of earlier examples.

That looks more like a skirt at first glance and does work well with polo tops which in the last two decades more primary schools have moved towards.

As can be seen here, there is a built in mesh undershort which ensures no underwear will be shown however you play, climbing on climbing frames, crawling on the ground or just going to pick up a pencil.

To me that really would make far more sense as a uniform option which is feminine that girls and sissy gurls would feel more comfortable in at an age play is spontaneous and their is a need to encourage them to be active. 

Little problems

One of the more frustrating things out there is the preoccupation within the littles community with little girls to the exclusion of us, sissies, the traditional rough and tough as much as the more delicate who like it as it was when you didn't feel you had to bend your gender to fit in even if like me you enjoyed wearing skirts and dresses too.

Because I colour in Disney Princesses and have girls colouring books doesn't make me a girl because I am a Feminine little sissy.

I accept my sissy gurl side.

For us there isn't because we are very happy to be our gender as it is to the point it needs no qualification nor that we have any real privilege just on account of it we are are sex because that's our anatomy which doesn't mean we can't be loved and adored for what we are 

What Katy Did and Disabilities

I'm working on blog entries today as I'll be away for a couple of days so the the time I'd normally use will be taken up making arrangements and all that.

A favourite novel of mine is What Katy Did by the American authoress Susan Coolidge which was written in 1872 that I've had my current hardback copy from 1989 if I remember correctly although I sure had and read it during my childhood.

I wrote a little about the series in the early years of this blog but today we're going more into depth.

Lots of editions have been produced but I love the simple unaffected illustration on the front of this one because it's inviting but clearly is of the era showing Katy Carr outside the picket fence with the traditional timber framed house in the background.

I have been re-reading this because this is book that spoke very directly to me as a disabled child where generally speaking we were not inked in the world that children saw so it was this book and the English (they'd never say British) satirists Flanders And Swann that showed we had place people could accept.

Chunks of Katy, the twelve year old, struggling at 'self-improvement', having grandiose aims and rather dashing them badly not really a bad girl but carried away at times was and indeed is me all over: Mischievous boy in a dress, getting into trouble but remorseless upon being found out, it's just so familiar because it's not that you don't have a conscience, you do, but it kicks in too late!

The other thing is really from the second half of the novel, something truly awful happens to Katy very much by accident as she goes in the Swing that she was told not to go on by her Aunt Izzie  who just expected a child to just follow the instruction rather than saying it was unsafe.

The line comes out from the staple that was designed to secure it as she soars, so she falls at speed to the ground striking her spine. It leaves her unable to walk and more or less confined to her upstairs bedroom  for a long period whereupon she is visited by her family.

Re-reading that moved me because it's similar to what happened to me just a couple years older than Katy where something went wrong with a swing and I hit the asphalt beneath with speed and at force. 

It didn't paralyze me although I was bruised but it left me drifting in and out of consciousness for about ten hours living permanently with significant brain damage where head struck the surface.

Part of the novel talks about how that experience affected her being in pain, feeling bitter and about how she adapts to becoming disabled when her beloved cousin Helen who also is disabled comes over explaining to her she needs to adapt, making the most of the situation she is in or risk losing the love and affection of her family though her own attitude.

Some have criticized the emphasis around her learning patience, learning to be cheerful, having hope, trying to keep things neat and getting on life as it as part of the "sainthood" attached to disabled people as if that's their only value.

To me it's to miss the point entirely which is life as a disabled person is harder, comes with disappointment, doesn't exempt you from general expectations and in my experience and a few others you just have to adapt to what is. It's a brutal truth.

It is certainly the case in the novel the idea Katy could of been looked after downstairs wasn't looked at nor is any kind of physical therapy (UK: physiotherapy) looked at which today we sure would because that was too new in the late nineteenth century.

We learn later on, Katy after Aunt Izzie dies, does begin to learn to walk again, taking on the running of the house which to me then was a sign at least you *could* have a life where you did contribute.

To me although criticized for what is seen by some as late nineteenth century (UK:Victorian) moral instruction, it's a enjoyable inspirational story whose values do align more with the 'real world' when it comes to offering the disabled reader some comfort and life lessons.

That's why I always loved it.

Wednesday media round up

There's a few things I'd like to talk about before my next entry sometime next week and I think the first thing is I enjoy light hearted social interaction, it may be a laugh and a joke on a Status update, a journal or say in a chat room.
This week I've been enjoying writing and taking turns in a role play story exploring an imaginary world we're based on  with friends having an adventure we make up as we go along letting our inner child talk and play in much the way in real life as children we would of done which is more my idea of fun than anything more grown up and what this age regression thing is about in all honesty.
I sometimes like to write short stories or extracts  of a fictional regressed persons life or a few others sharing time together pretty much for the same reason, exploring what  it means, finding it it very calming.
I saw something earlier this week on Tumblr that caught my attention that can be paraphrased as why do you make a point of looking at another possibly an ex communities site when it irritates you and there is nothing you can do about it?
It's a fair question given how things with one community got with me. You may think maybe they'll change almost miraculously with a message saying everything is back to where it  was before or what it was that irritated you but in reality that isn't going to  happen.
I'm stopping obsessing over that communities  home page as it just isn't healthy for me and instead focus on going forward with the community I'm a part of instead, a community that has given me a second chance and hope when I so badly needed some.
I have what I need at hand, I just need to engage more with it  and learn to leave the past behind.

Snowed in musings

It's a bit of a snowy day here so while I had anything in particular mapped out for today's entry I thought I might as well make use of being stuck indoors.

There are a few things I am going to be talking about, one is how comments and entries not just on my blog, although as ever so long as they're fit to be printed I'm always happy for people comment on it.

I think there's a difference between talking about something, it might be drawing , an article or a story and what you feel about it and where it is about some technical aspect of it such as missing a small matching bit off a picture or perhaps not the ideal shade of a colour  in picture or a spelling or punctuation mistake in a written piece.

I think we're familiar enough  being set a task at school or college, handing it in  and being graded on it perhaps to the point of a written comment being made the sorts of things I can think of would be "Needs new paragraph", "Should be in red" or even as I had in school "See me" when I didn't really feel like putting much effort into things and things came out of draws *cough*.

Anyway that's fine and dandy for formal learning and yes even I increasing recognize the value of that and being expected to put more thought into things so we go improve in what we're doing but when we do things just for ourselves as shared "For fun" thing is that the right way to go about it?

Rather than leaving a string of comments about technical errors we can easily correct forever marring it, shouldn't we message or email any  points or suggestions that that person can put aright so while they do learn as we need to from our mistakes, our masterpiece isn't left  cluttered up by them?

The other really is how the age dysphoric side of my life runs in tandem with being a feminine gurl so they way in which I present as that gurl comes from that past, being as a schoolboy in the school system but more able than I was at the time to let it all out.

It can be in things such as wearing school uniform but with a pleated skirt more than short trousers although I don't have big issue with them but back then they were all you had, my play clothes or in say my interests such as say colouring in my Frozen colouring book or re-reading some of the classic girls school stories.

Everything in this life connects to those days of yore even if some of way we do things like using mobile phones to let friends know we are there rather than red telephone boxes and using computers to access the internet  are different.

The basic purpose is the same it's just that time has moved on and you can't live in 2016 as you did in 1977 totally.

It's just that you're living more in tune with the spirit of that age and making new childhood memories that help overcome some of the not so great ones of the past.